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He told one to get in his car and leave he told another today if she didn’t leave he would call the police and have her removed. I was at an eye doctor appointment getting text about how rude and nasty he was. I had to call him and tell him he DOES NOT talk to the respite people like that. He tells me he wants no one else in our home. What am I to do?!? He will scream and yell about it. I’m at wits end. Do I just discontinue Respite and drag him everywhere with me?

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The first thing you do, given his mental deficiencies is to tell him these are people that YOU have hired to help YOU and if he isn't good to them then it is HE, himself who will have to leave. He may or may not get that, and in all truth, these workers are used to this nonsense. And no, you don't discontinue Respite. If anything you move him to the care he currently needs which is likely several shifts with several people working on each shift.
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You do neither respite care or drag him everywhere with you.

You have options. He can be put into a residential care facility. He can also be medicated to keep him from getting agitated. If he's at the point where there's this level of nastiness and threats to call the police on his caregivers, you should think about facility placement. Adult daycare may be an option for him, but they will not tolerate nastiness or abusive behavior towards staff or other people attending the daycare. Some daycares may insist that he is medicated.
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NO you don't "just discontinue respite" and NO you don't just "drag him everywhere" with you!
I would certainly try an Adult Daycare Center, where your husband can be up to 5 days a week and up to 8 hours per day, where he will fed breakfast, lunch and a snack, and kept entertained the whole time he's there as well.
Where I live it's $55.00 a day to attend, and worth every penny. They do a wonderful job, and will pick your husband up if needed.
And if that doesn't work and he continues to be rude to the aides that are there to help him, then it may be time to think about having him placed in a memory care facility where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate and not his stressed out caregiver.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 11, 2025
@funky

The adult daycare will not tolerate nastiness and abusive behavior towards staff or other people attending the daycare.
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Check with his doctor about medication to calm him, not just for the rudeness toward the respite caregivers, but regarding his screaming and yelling at you. You shouldn't have to endure that, and he should not have to be experiencing such strong negativity if medication can help with emotional regulation. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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If your husband has dementia there is not much to say to him that he will retain.
Is there an Adult Day Program near you? If so having him attend will maybe help. It would be him getting out not someone in the house.
He would get picked up in the morning and have a snack, lunch and activities and be returned home by 4 or 5 pm. Great way for you to schedule your day around his Program days. I have to tell you just 3 days a week was a blessing for me when my Husband attended a program.

If there is no Day Program do NOT, I repeat DO NOT discontinue Respite day.
What happens when you need more help daily and you can't have help come in because he doesn't want anyone in the house.
The Respite is for you.

Maybe if he does not need much help tell him the person is there for you. the caregiver will help do the chores you would normally do. They can do a load of his laundry while there.
If your husband is mobile they can take a walk together, now the caregiver is not in the house ;)

If he is on medication for anxiety maybe medicating him before a caregiver arrives might help.
And I don't know how far in advance he knows someone is coming. Would it help if he had more or less time to prepare for a caregiver?
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