I am seeing a huge decline physically lately, including not sleep much at all at night and sleeping for hours in his recliner during the day. His memory is much worse as well but he is still aware enough to know where he is and find comfort in being here, i know. I know he is dehydrated but he will not drink water. We have been to urgent care twice in the last month for dehydration. He is ok being left alone for a few hours at a time. I am going to be trying to get some in home care in the next couple of weeks. My question is at what point do I consider moving him into full time care? I have never done this before, have no friends who can guide me in this and find very little support through his PCP, who I love, but hasn’t been through this. Thanks so much
1) When you can’t cope with the strain any longer.
2) When all the care you can provide is no longer enough. For example: he is too big and heavy for you to move with safety for either of you; OR his dehydration becomes dangerous for him; OR he needs more expert nursing care than you can provide – for example dangerous bed sores.
3) When you decide that visiting him regularly and going back to a life of your own, is what both of you would have wished.
4) When you have chosen the best facility you can find and afford, and your names finally come up on the waiting list.
All difficult, but all worth ‘considering’ seriously.
Best of luck to you.
I think it's smart that you are going to be bringing in some home care for now. See how that goes and take things from there.
If your husband truly has Alzheimer's, then his progression will be much slower than the other dementias, and his care could very well take its toll on you and your health both physically and mentally, so pay attention to that, as you matter too in this very difficult situation.
And I'm not so sure that I would be leaving him home alone anymore, as you just never know what may happen while you're out and about.
When my late husband became completely bedridden in our living room for the last 22 months of his life, I had as security camera on the mantel so if and when I had to run out I could keep an eye on him on my phone. And I never ventured far or for too long.
I wish you the very best as you walk this very difficult journey with your husband.
His dehydration is a serious problem. A facility has a 24/7 team whose job it is to keep residents hydrated. My husband is in memory care and the aides work hard at providing water, juice, any other liquids. If liquids are presented in the right way, your husband may be eager to drink them. Two times to urgent care for dehydration is not okay. Professional care is needed.
Best of luck in dealing with this difficult situation.
It is not an easy transition on either the LO or the caregiver.
And if you do find him a suitable place you can afford, it should hopefully be not too far from your home. Then you can visit as his loving spouse, not as his exhausted caregiver.
You will also hopefully see that he is well cared for by a whole team of professionals, and wonder how you managed for so long.
This forum is so thoughtful and helpful.
That aside, it sounds like you will be looking at ALs and MCs for the time being which will be private pay. So go ahead and look now and then when you have reached your limit then you can place him. Do not take him with you. In your gut, just like searching for a house, you will know when it is the right place. The key for now is to be pro active.
Sounds like you already may need some outside support for him in your home. Just having a caregiver come in for 4 hours about twice a week could make all the difference for you. It would allow you to get out and do shopping and have some personal time to recharge.
Somewhere in stage 4/5 people begin to get agitated and will wander, so you will need to do some home safety improvements to prevent him from falling down basement stairs or going outside and becoming lost. Often this is the point where many spouses cannot deal with the issues that may occur, when you need full time memory care help.
This said, it is highly dependent on his particular symptoms and your ability to get some in-home support. Non-medical in-home care is excellent for providing assistance and can perform assessment of the home and his situation. Many agencies provide these assessments at little to no cost.
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