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I am seeing a huge decline physically lately, including not sleep much at all at night and sleeping for hours in his recliner during the day. His memory is much worse as well but he is still aware enough to know where he is and find comfort in being here, i know. I know he is dehydrated but he will not drink water. We have been to urgent care twice in the last month for dehydration. He is ok being left alone for a few hours at a time. I am going to be trying to get some in home care in the next couple of weeks. My question is at what point do I consider moving him into full time care? I have never done this before, have no friends who can guide me in this and find very little support through his PCP, who I love, but hasn’t been through this. Thanks so much

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Lynn, face it, you are considering it right now, that’s why you have asked. When do you go ahead?
1) When you can’t cope with the strain any longer.
2) When all the care you can provide is no longer enough. For example: he is too big and heavy for you to move with safety for either of you; OR his dehydration becomes dangerous for him; OR he needs more expert nursing care than you can provide – for example dangerous bed sores.
3) When you decide that visiting him regularly and going back to a life of your own, is what both of you would have wished.
4) When you have chosen the best facility you can find and afford, and your names finally come up on the waiting list.

All difficult, but all worth ‘considering’ seriously.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Move him into managed care now. He's not ok being alone at home with dementia at all, it's too dangerous and anything can happen, especially that he's physically AND mentally compromised.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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You consider moving him into full-time care when caring for him at home is getting to be just too much for you, or when it is unsafe for him and for you to be at home any longer.
I think it's smart that you are going to be bringing in some home care for now. See how that goes and take things from there.
If your husband truly has Alzheimer's, then his progression will be much slower than the other dementias, and his care could very well take its toll on you and your health both physically and mentally, so pay attention to that, as you matter too in this very difficult situation.
And I'm not so sure that I would be leaving him home alone anymore, as you just never know what may happen while you're out and about.
When my late husband became completely bedridden in our living room for the last 22 months of his life, I had as security camera on the mantel so if and when I had to run out I could keep an eye on him on my phone. And I never ventured far or for too long.
I wish you the very best as you walk this very difficult journey with your husband.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Move him ASAP. The search for an appropriate place and the intake process can take weeks or months. Some places have waiting lists.

His dehydration is a serious problem. A facility has a 24/7 team whose job it is to keep residents hydrated. My husband is in memory care and the aides work hard at providing water, juice, any other liquids. If liquids are presented in the right way, your husband may be eager to drink them. Two times to urgent care for dehydration is not okay. Professional care is needed.

Best of luck in dealing with this difficult situation.
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Reply to Fawnby
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wantmylife Oct 2, 2025
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I am a proponent of doing it before it becomes an emergency situation. Gives the patient time to get comfortable with their new surroundings and lifestyle while they have some clue as to where they are.

It is not an easy transition on either the LO or the caregiver.
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Reply to MeDolly
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You are asking others because you feel you need validation to do what you are ready to do. Trust your gut. Do it now. It is time when you begin to think it is time. There are no rules. This is about YOU….listen to yourself. That is the wise thing to do. Have confidence in yourself. if you have the money, desire and patience, you can hire help and get all kinds of equipment to keep him at home to the end. You do what is best for you and him according to what you decide and what you can and want to do. Dint be swayed by what others think you should do either way. I get grief from others because I continue to care for my MIL age 99 at home. We have all kinds of help and I would have it no other way. It works for us. We love having her here. People are so different and situations are so varied. Have a sit down with yourself and do what is right, healthy, and best for you. This is more about what you want and need than him. Do see an elder lawyer and set down on paper what you want for the rest of your life so your kids are not left making these decisions.
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Reply to RetiredBrain
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ForWhatItsWorth Oct 2, 2025
This.
And if you do find him a suitable place you can afford, it should hopefully be not too far from your home. Then you can visit as his loving spouse, not as his exhausted caregiver.
You will also hopefully see that he is well cared for by a whole team of professionals, and wonder how you managed for so long.
This forum is so thoughtful and helpful.
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You can start searching places while you are still able to step away for a few hours. If you feel that financially you will be eventually seeking Medicaid in the future, then consult an elder attorney about separating financials so that you do not become impoverished. You also try to locate SNFs that take Medicaid because of the long waits for the best places. You can also consult a geriatric care manager to help navigate the system if you feel this is overwhelming.
That aside, it sounds like you will be looking at ALs and MCs for the time being which will be private pay. So go ahead and look now and then when you have reached your limit then you can place him. Do not take him with you. In your gut, just like searching for a house, you will know when it is the right place. The key for now is to be pro active.
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Reply to MACinCT
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My answer is it depends on your home environment, his awareness level, and your ability to deal with it and still retain some sense of self.
Sounds like you already may need some outside support for him in your home. Just having a caregiver come in for 4 hours about twice a week could make all the difference for you. It would allow you to get out and do shopping and have some personal time to recharge.
Somewhere in stage 4/5 people begin to get agitated and will wander, so you will need to do some home safety improvements to prevent him from falling down basement stairs or going outside and becoming lost. Often this is the point where many spouses cannot deal with the issues that may occur, when you need full time memory care help.
This said, it is highly dependent on his particular symptoms and your ability to get some in-home support. Non-medical in-home care is excellent for providing assistance and can perform assessment of the home and his situation. Many agencies provide these assessments at little to no cost.
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Reply to DenverCaregiver
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I feel like when we know we know. For me i knew I couldn't care for father very soon after I brought him to my home ( he lived in another state) . When you are asking yourself this question. Is it time? Your tired and overwhelmed or always seconded guessing yourself or scrambling to fix things. Are there behaviors that are hard to manage incontinent issues that they refuse to allow you deal with. In memory care they have schedules people around the clock to care for them. I can't say my father is happy but he is getting the care that he needs
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Reply to Brandyrae75
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My only comment re the dehydration would be offer other liquids. Personally, I hate water. So I drink lots of tea - caffeinated or herbal would work - camomile, fruit flavors, etc. Plus I add 2 oz of flavored water to a glass of water. You can add lemon juice, some Snapple - anything to flavor it enough. Always have a drink of some sort with each meal. Just some ideas that have worked for us.
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Reply to ChoirNut
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