My husband has Alzheimer's. When he asks about his mother and I tell him she has died he starts crying. Should I lie to him?

Our God is a good God. He knows our suffering, why wouldn't He, He did it for us. He is my Lord and soon coming King. I trust him to do the right thing in my life. I pray that he ends Ed's suffering. I pray Lord if you are not going to heal him then take him home with you. Thank you msdiva for your prayer, it did help. God bless you too.

I ONLY READ URS ALITLLE BUT HOW IS HE DOING NOW REBA

Dear Reba, pardon my mistake, and thanks for letting me no. I will keep you and your husband in prayer. I liked the hospice question. What does his doctor say about that? Praying for your husband's comfort, strength and peace for both of you. Bless you for being a devoted wife and good example to us younger women, teaching us to love and care for our husbands, should the need arise. God be with you both.

Would like to how how things go for lhardebeck's dad's lab tests, too. Take care, and bless you both as well.

good morning reba ,
becareful going out if youre going out .
waved my husband good bye to drive to indy to work at 5 am , it just started snowing . very cold out burrrr ,
i sometimes tell lord to take dad if he s not going to get any better . its so sad to see him like that and suffering too . long suffering just too much . lord take him or make him well again .
he sure has plans for us all and when the timin is right he will take him .
i keep telling myself he is here for a reason . ed is here for a reason too . bless us all for whos hurting . i'll be thinking of you and ed . xoxo

Good morning lhardebeck, and everyone.

Yes we had snow last night, it is pretty but don't like getting out in it. Staying in today.

I got a call from the nurse yesterday. She said that I needed to put him in a home. That he is too much for me to handle. I thought "oh yeah, who is going to pay for it?"

I brought him home yesterday. They couldn't find out why his BP went so low. They didn't give him his meds. and it went sky high. She ask me did you give him his meds. before they brought him in. I said, I told them 3 times no. The people who took him to the hospital, in ER and when they took him to his room. That his BP was too low. Isn't that what you should do? Then the nurse that called "said it was up to 180/?" and I said "then someone over there needs to give it to him something."

When I went in to pick him up, he looked so upset and I said "hi, I've come to take you home." He started to cry and said "thank God." They had him tied to the bed. He must of gave them a run for their money to do that. It was like a vest with ties on it and was tied to the bed. His arms and legs were free. She gave it to me to take home. I may have to use it later.

I must admit I am getting pretty tired. Do they have care for caregivers? I know people can come in the day time and help but that isn't good enough. I need someone to come in at night and let me sleep. Will have to check into that. Do any of you know if they do that and does it cost an arm and a leg?

Well he got up at 6:45 and I fed him and now he is sleeping again. Once I wake up I am up. Doesn't matter what time it is. Just can't sleep.

Well hope all of you have a good day.

I was told by a friend that if your sugar goes too low your BP can drop. Does anyone know if that is true. Ed isn't eating and he lost 22 lbs. in one mo.

good morning reba .
my dad lost 30 lbs in one month , i found out it was the exclon patch . i stop giving it to him . and he got better .
is ED on any kind of memory meds ?
the hospital or his doctor should have some home health aid to come and check on him at your home . call ur dr up and find out if he could do that .
about the caregiver to come in your home yes it cost money and if you dont know who that person is i dont think you;ll sleep good .
maybe you could ask your daughter or close relations to come and sit so you could take a break . offer to pay them so that way they feel they ve earned it .
when dad was in the hospital they sent him to rehab , ins pays up to 100 days , i dont know what kind of ins you have ? they also paid home care up to 90 days .
why did they strap your husband down for ? was he trying to get out ofthe bed ?
oh lord why do the elders have to suffer so much . ?
i take my evening nap just in case i have to be up all night . which i havent here lately . i give him xannax at night so it helps him sleep .alot of time i hear him but he 's just a hollaring or singin along with pasty cline .
yes its true if your sugar goes toolow everything eles drop down . hopefully someone here knows more about the sugar and bp . god bless you ..

Ed goes to bed at 10:00 but sleep in his chair before that and he gets up at 4-7 to go to the pot. I give him his meds around 10am
He is on Aricept for AD. I don't think it did a thing for him. But who knows how he would be now. Like to find out what is in it.

I think they tied him in bed because he didn't want to be there or he just wouldn't stay in bed. They never said and I didn't ask because I know how he is about walking all over the place.

I don't want a care giver that I don't know. I have heard they get into your private stuff and some things come up missing. They don't want you to be here when they are. They want you to leave and not be in the house at all. Its to give you a rest. I would want to go to bed.

I take naps too or I would be dead by now. He sleep most of the time. He eats very little and that just started in the last mo. So that is why he lost some lbs.

That is about it for now. I don't know what stage he is in. But with him not being able to talk to you so you can understand him I guess he is in stage 6 or going into the last stage. I guess they die from somthing else other than AD. So it is hard telling how long he has.

God bless and have a good day.

Where Ed is now

He can't dress himself
Can't communicate with words
May put anything in mouth or touch everything in the room
May groan, sing, make grunting noises
Sleeps more
Losing weight, not eating well
Talks to the TV
Doesn't use a fork when he eats, have to put the fork in his hand.
He can't write name, add or subtract and hardly can read.
He can't understand instructions.

This sounds like the last stages to me.
If anyone can tell me different please let me know.

Thanks

reba , i looked for what stage that would be , suprise i didnt see any stages , but i found where it said severed mild modern
severed is :
having problems eating
having problems with speech or speak
not recognize you or faimly members
not able to control bowls or bladder
have problems with walking .
that is in the severe stage .
i hope this help . i will look around more and see if i can see what the stage one to 10 is ,
hope somebody knows and be able to give you the right answer . i am just lookin and lookin . haha . feel like im in school again . be good for my brain . wink .
just got done shoveling snow . am glad it wasnt heavy snow , it was more of a powdery snow .
my dad sat in wheelchair and looked out the front door watching snow falllin and see how bright it is and how pretty it is .
this is his second year to see the snow since 30 years begin in florida,
i brought in a hand full of snow and he touched it and said ohh its cold , haha . hes a sweetheart .

Yes he is a sweetheart. I can see he is from your picture and
how much you love him. They did it in three stages. Some have put it in 7 stages and I never found 10.

ah read em . at the end it says sleeps more , becomes comatose , eventually dies .
sounds like its a coming , only god knows when .
guess that is where my dad is . only he still has his mind .
i told him weather man said its going to get colder ! he said yes i heard its going to be zero sat .
so he still has his mind . bless his heart .

I am glad to hear that. Keep them as long as we can. Ed just turned 77 in December. Lucky to be here this long.

happy birthday to him . yes he is lucky to stay on and be with you .
youre takin care of him for healthness and sickness , better or for worst . bless your heart . .
i sure hope i have the strength to take care of my husband when we get to the golden age . my husband dont think he s going to live to the golden age .
he has heart disease , artries all the time clogging up . so far he has 6 or 7 sients in his heart . he s 53 yrs old .
dr told me it doesnt matter if he excersie , runs all the time , if he s a health freak , he will have this pblm cuz its a disease he has . says he will have many more stents in his heart .
his father died from it and his grandfather , many men before them . my husbands sister has 4 so far . , lifes sos cary sometimes ....

A theraputic fiblet is probably best, if you can do it with a straight face. Sometimes it is really best not to be completely honest, because for the few minutes they can understand they will be upset. I had a little friend who I helped care for, she had alzheimer's and breast cancer. She always asked where her husband was, sometimes I would say I have not seen him today. Other times we talked about the fact that he was probably out in the field(he was a farmer). She really missed him, it was sad.

When and if my husband gets like that someday and asks where I am, and I'm dead. My son can always tell him, "she's out spending your hard earned money" and he'll believe it, and won't ask anymore questions. :)

good point!!!

O, my! Too funny. Just tell mine I've gone downhill...(helicopter skiing). ~That's my "retirement plan."

I have done a number of things when asked where her momma or daddy or husband is. At first, I would tell her that they all passed away years ago, but then she would cry and stop responding. I have tried ignoring the question, or changing the subject. She doesn't remember 5 minutes later anyway. I have also tried "he's not here right now", but then she starts looking around for him. I have come back to the truth--they're up in heaven. "How long have they been gone?" I would reply, "years". I feel that if I'm not upfront and honest with her, she won't trust me--and she can't dress herself. She's somewhere in between Alzheimer's stage 6-7.

People with this disease will not remember but depending on how far the disease has taken over their brain. He doesn't ask anymore. If he would ask I wouldn't know because we can't understand him anymore so I no longer have to worry about it. Most of what he says I have to say "I don't know what you are saying." It has taken one year for him to get to this point. What a very sad disease. Thank you for your input. I think he is in stage 7 for the most part.

Yes, it is very sad. I'm having a hard time understanding my dad, who's struggling with Advanced Stage, as well. I agree with you, and grieve. I'm glad he's here, but sometimes feel, "I miss my dad." Reba, I'll be praying for you and your loved one. Bless your heart for all you do!

I too am praying for both of you.

SecretSister and pamela6148, I am so glad to have found agingcare.com. So many sweet people on here, all trying to do their best for their loved ones. God will bless you for it too. A big hug to all of you. Reba

hello everyone its been a while since i have been on here .but to point out the situation my dad used to ask me where my mom was and would keep on about his parents at first i didn't know what to say..i should have known better i just went on and kept telling him mom is gone home and she will be waiting for you at the gate i nevered lied to my dad since he gotten alz....i always told him the truth he would cry several times but i was with him and will assure him mom will be waiting for him but from time to time i would catch myself asking the same question.. i know it sounds wierd.. i have never gotton over my moms passing.. the word DIE or DEAD just nevered set with me i always say passed on or he or she has passed..but my dad would make jokes about my moms passing he would have say "ALICE was stubborn she always has to be first in everything i shouldn't had spoiled her"" and i would just laugh my head off my dad was a calm cool collected alz patience he never gave me any trouble thats why i couldn't bring my self to tell him different at ma he was one of the sweetest man i have even known all my life and i missed them both dearly

I wish I could remember who wrote on this website, that when her dad asked where her deceased mother was, she asked him "where do you think she is?" He'd come up with an answer, then she'd tell him, "yep, you're probably right". I thought at the time that was a good answer.

Reba,
We had to do something like that, my younger sister died june 2009
from cancer, my dad has dementia and in a nursing home, my youngest sis and i decided not to tell him, it would devastate him
and he would not remember what we said anyway. But, you know what, he has asked only once where she was, we told him she was tired and resting. He has not asked again. and she is in a family picture we have in his room at the nursing home.
Carol is absolutely right dementia does not mean " not smart".
we are amazed all the time at some of the things he says or
figures out!
Hang on to those moments of clarity from your loved one with
Alz/Dementia. They are few and far in between but are golden.

jbtrfly, You are so right. We will hear him say something that we understand. 99% of the time we don't know. When he is sick or in pain he can't tell us what is wrong. If we ask, are you in pain it is always yes. If we ask where, he would point to something in the room. So we don't think he understands the question. Is is so sad to see him like this, he was a college man and now he is almost like a 2 year old. He may understand us but he is not able to tell us.

well i guess everyone has a different way of explaining it to there love one..thats best one ever for me..no lies

tell truth first time watch them cry and go into dpressions then they heal and ask wheres ur momma ?? i decided i couldnt stand there to watch him cry and go into depressions so i tell him shes a resting , which she is restin or sleeping .
last night he ask me where is ur momma ! i act like ididnt hear him say that , he said oh nowi know i think she went to church .. i said pa u need to sleep u have be awake all day long ..
my daughter told him yesterday morning that i had takin my husband to heart hospital . sadly he needs a open heart operation and will by pass his one viens that has 6 stents in it one is plug up 90 percent , replace it with veins out of his leg , the other vien has 70 percent blockage and then the other vien has 80 percent blockage ,
will find out today when he will goin to have that operation fri or monday .
i came home last night he said where have u been !!?? i told him , he said yes he had his done before too lift up his shirt and showed me his scar . said its a long road to recovery then ask me wheres ur momma . :-( .
i need alot of prayers , my husband has cornary atries disease . his father died from it he wasonly 56 , my husband is 53 , and many grandfathers died early age from it . his sister had first heartattack at 39 , she has 8 stents in her .
a horrible disease ,
now i have myhands full , takin care of my pa and my husband , its a sad sad times for us . pa is not well , his dementia has gotten worst . so is it worth to keep tellin him momma has died ?! nooo i am done with sadness and dont want to watch him cry .
the lord knows and understand why we lie ....

Bless your dear heart for all you're going through. Praying for your dad, husband, and of course, you.