My husband has Alzheimer's. When he asks about his mother and I tell him she has died he starts crying. Should I lie to him?

i have

msdiva, I looked at my email and thought it will take me forever to read all of them. Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone. LOL

#1 yes I get it twice to sometimes.

after you said her grandson got into her pills and died than she died a month later, I was saying was the grandsons mother there to or did she just leave him for the sick person to look after? I hope that makes better sense

I guess I am somewhat luckier than you. Mom asks for her mother often and when I tell her she died 30 years ago, she just accepts it. Sometimes she asks for Dad, sometimes she wonders where her family is and is there someone to take her home. I always give her a straight forward answer and that seems to do the trick. But she can ask the same question 5 minutes later and that is my difficulty.

jlchrls, Thank you, and I still am not sure its the thing to do. I feel guilty when I lie. But he has to come first. I guess that is born in us not to lie. I sometimes act like I don't hear him and by the time I ask him what did you say - he forgot.

No she wasn't there. His mom was on drugs and the grandmother and her other daughter took her kids away from her. They never saw his mother again after that. They were very young at that time. I think he was 18. Why he went and stayed at her house I never found out.

what a shame

i get tons of em and theyre all the same ump whats up with that ????

IHERDEBECK
GET AHOLD OF TECH SUPPORT THEY WILL HELP YOU

get a hold of tech support for what ?/ i am lost , i dont even remeber what i ask about , i think taxes ?? am i correct ?

get tons of em and theyre all the same ump whats up with that ???? I PASTED WHAT YOU SAID IHARDEBECK

Good morning everyone. Guess what? I was able to sleep for 7 hours last night. I feel like a new person. In fact I had to get him up to eat. What a blessing that was. Thank God for sleep.

I am going into the office this afternoon well rested. My sister will take him for the afternoon. I work for our company about 12 hours a week. Sometimes less depending on Him.

So all of you have a blessed day. ~:O)

Reba, so good to hear about your blessings, and that you have some help. Sleep helps us think and feel better. Hope the rest of your day is blessed, as well. Take care! :)

OH THATS GREAT REBA IM SO HAPPY 4 U THERE WILL BE MORE DAYS LIKE THAT I PROMISE YOU...ITS NOT ALL THAT BAD

My m-i-l who is 78 yrs. old and has Alzheimer's asks me every once in a while where her husband is. I'm one for telling the truth and I always have told her the truth about her husband passing away or he's up in heaven, but he's in your heart whenever you want to talk to him and it does upset her. I'm hearing it so often that I just say "He's someplace else" and that is good enough for her, but yesterday she asked about where he was again and I said he passed away 7 yrs. ago. She got upset and depressed. So I think telling her he's someplace else might be good. ...but I can only use that for so long and then I have to tell her the truth and just deal with her depression.

lach61 - We are with them all the time and it has to be up to the caregiver. You DON'T have to tell her the truth. What every one is saying, why give them any pain in their heart. You could say he just left, he is at the store, out for a walk, or you just don't know but I agree with every one, why hurt them? I hate seeing my husband cry or upset about someone passing. In a few seconds they forget it. But that is what we think or do they just keep thinking about it and hide it. Her showing she is depressed, she has not forgotten about it.

I love him and don't want him to suffer, he has enough pain with out giving him heartaches. Our time of suffering will be upon us before we know it. Show the same kind of love you would want from the person that would be taking care of you.
Tale care and think it over. Reba

just tell herthat he is sleeping which he is and your not liein about that . he s sleepin rip . rest in peace ....
why get her all upset and cry about it ? it is too painful to sitthere and watch her cry ...
dad would ask me where is your momma , i tell him shes resting . he just smiles says ok . she must be tired .. i hav etold him before she s in heaven oh my lord he went into shock . so im not going to do that to him anymore .
sleeping restin is good enough .

well reba its really up to you or the caretaker i decided when my uncle died (my dads brother) i told him not because i know he will get up set but sometimes its good cause for one thing for sure when i told him mom has passed on he cried for days but when i told him uncle tuffy died it seemed to me he had happy moments he started talking about when they were kids not once had i seen him upset about his death, now..he may have did it without me seeing it but i haven't seen it so sometimes its good and sometimes its bad but tellin him/her its really pretty much to the person if they decides too.

msdiva, Gee, he remembered it for that long. That is sad. Yes that is what I was saying. You know the person you are taking care of and have known them for many years. You know their personality. My husband doesn't remember much anymore so that is why I didn't tell him about his friend that passed this last week.
Spare them heartaches as much as possible. It is a kind act. Hugs to you and thanks for you input.

Hi everyone,

I was thinking about all of you and then this morning I got a hug from lhardebeck. We are having such a hard time and it is shame that our loved ones end up like this. Not only are they suffering but we are right along with them. We try to do the best we can but sometimes we want time out, and how do we get it? I think this can't last forever and the day will come, he will be gone and I will be alone. Its good to know I can talk with you and hear back with your kind words. I love you guys.

I was talking with my pastor and I said: if this is a test from God I am failing. He told me I was doing a good job and this is a lot to go though.

We are human and we can only take so much. I go into the bathroom where I shut the door where I can be alone to get myself back into the right state of mind. Say a prayer and come out and start all over again. So all of you hang in there and know it can't last forever. God bless you today and may your day be light.

I agree with your Pastor. You have failed at being human. Will keep you in prayer, and love the shutting door idea. Perhaps we should all do more of that. Have a blessed day! Be gentle with yourself, because you are loved! :)

SecretSister, Yes I did say we are human and that we are. We can only have so much put on us and then we start failing. But we have a way of coming back don't we? It is what God put in us. If it wasn't for my faith I would have been a goner a long time ago. Thankful for finding all of you too, who have faith in God and knowing you are praying for me like I am praying for you.

Thank you, Reba. You blessed my day! :) We all need to pray for one another. Hard to understand Alzheimer's, but we can still find joy in the journey.

Visited my dad at the nursing home today. They planned to take him out to lunch with a bus full, to a nearby restaurant. But today was not a good Alzie day for dad. He never made it off the unit. Dad just kept repeating, "I don't understand." Perhaps his afternoon and evening will be better? Those with Alzheimer's need extra grace. Loved ones of Alzheimer's patients need lots of grace, as well. Blessing to all you Caregivers. Treasure the good moments, and hope you have some blessings this Thanksgiving.

SecretSister, So sorry your dad didn't understand. Maybe the next time he will be able to. They do have their good and bad days. Today was a good day for Ed, no problems.

Yes a big blessing to all you Caregivers. Hope all of you have a peaceful Thanksgiving. Love and hugs to all of you.

Thank you, Reba. I knew my dad wouldn't be going anywhere. Tried to take him to the beach this summer. Got him by the lake, on a beautiful sunshiny day, but the grass freaked him out. He doesn't like the cold air blasts of an open door at his facility, either. They thought he'd be going out today; I had my doubts. He does better with the security of his controlled, small environment. That's why I was going to go with him today. They didn't assess him correctly. Guess that's why they need a loving advocate. Nursing staff doesn't always have all the answers.

Dad has good moments, and sometimes good days. Today wasn't one of them. He was struggling, and they are constantly adjusting his meds. Alzheimer's is not kind. They just need lots of love and grace and tender care. We need patience and understanding. Tough stuff.

Reba, glad Ed had a good day. Praying he and you have a wonderful Thanksgiving! :) That goes for all fellow Caregivers!

hi you all . my dad had a bad day , i think he was having another mini stroke , he cant stand , cant do anything . breaking my heart . last friday i left him for a min so he could have his pricavy to bathroom well it was a mistake he fell offthe toilet . then went down hill from there .
my husband is furiouse with me cuz my back went out and i have trouble wlakin and standing ., he s telling me its time to send him to nursing home , well i dont want to do that . i just dont know what todo anymore .
ijust hope my back gets better in time for thanksgiving and guess everybodys comin here ! oh lord give me strenght !!!! ....

lhardebeck, Maybe your husband is right. You can always visit with him there and every day if you like. But I understand how you feel about keeping him.

Hope you don't have to fix the whole dinner. We have everyone bring a dish and that helps out a lot for a large dinner. The person having the dinner fixes the turkey, dressing and potatoes. Family bring the rest. Have a blessed Thanksgiving. Hugs, Reba

i may do that after the holidays are over . only lord lets me know .. , you all have a happy thanksgiving !!!
so glad i found this to be able to get close to u all .
wish we all could visit one or another . keep in touch , i often wonder about ddarkangle too , knowin her dad passed away and havent seen her on since then , and also janders too .... hop e theyre doing ok , .. god bless.

Wouldn't that be great to meet everyone in person. What a time we would have. Have you sent a message to her? (ddarkangle) that is.