My husband has Alzheimer's. When he asks about his mother and I tell him she has died he starts crying. Should I lie to him?

That's all fine Reba, cause my father didn't get that far as feeding, but I did help him get dressed we did it together. But you know I work with these type of people, so the people in a nursing home are totally different then at home. These are you loved ones. I took care of my dad for 5 and half yrs so I went through it all at the nursing home and at home so I know the stages of every last one. I went to school for it, I understand your issues you have with your dad, and I know it's hard, especially when it's your dad. I read all your comments you sent back and believe me a lot of people will speak back on your discussions so please do not get upset about it.

and thank you for the hug I understand where ur coming from my friend....

It is my husband that has AD.

I was doing everything for him and then I decided I am letting this AD take over his mind. So I started in teaching him to do it himself. I would be feeding him by now, dressing him, and what ever else. I was even shaving him but now he does it. Even if he eats like a child which sometimes he does, when I say use your fork he will pick it up. Sometimes he doesn't even know what a fork is so I put it in his hand.

Everyone is different with this disease. Help them to remember how to do what they have done every day for their whole life.

I have seen how they take care of people in homes. They bring the food and drop it on their tray then later someone comes back and feeds it to them cold. I sat there and watched that. It will not happen to my husband. I will keep him as long as I can. Even untill he dies.

Good for you Reba, I took care of my mother in law with Alzhiemer's and it is a daunting task and I helped her when she got confused and with eating and dressing and bathing and everything else in between, took her to get her hair and nails done once a week made sure she went to resturaunt with her son and me so she would not feel like a child. Nevermind there were times it was hard to do as she would get a little nasty from time to time. Unfortunately there was a time we had to put her in a nursing home, then we finally got one of her daughters to take her home with her because it was affecting my health and my 16 year old son very much at that time. Being a care giver is just like being a new mother, you do not know what to expect until it happens and you have to think about things before you respond. But that is a good rule of thumb with any relationship. You can't replace love for a child for someone who has declined in health or for anyone you love. We must always remember to show it and that means a lot of the time you put yourself last. If you, not you, but generally, if you cannot put yourself last at least most of the time caregiving for a loved one is not for you. We all need compassion. Hugs to you

Reba,

I don't know your situation or the stage of dementia, but I do know what my mother is going through and I'm an only child trying to help her while also dealing with my step-dad who does not really understand what is going on. She's at the stage where something like this will come up, but if calmly distracted in another direction moves right along without coming back to it. When she gets it in her head that she's going to yard sells, I don't argue. I just listen and realize that this too will pass and it does. What gets me is when friends from her garden club come in to visit and tell her its time to get out of that bed and go to yard sells for they must be totally blind to the physcial as well as mental state she is in that makes that impossible as well as unsafe. Please take good care of yourself in your care taking.

You know what everyone? It's ok to say what you feel- this is a place to vent, rather we say something wrong or right. I think we are all in the position that we don't want to accept this, but we have no other choice but to deal with or not. It's here and the disease is not going any where. Reba I'm sorry I quoted wrong, I thought you were talking about your father. You have even a closer bond....your husband of 53 yrs that's a true blessing and yes, spend all the time you can good or bad. My parents were married for 57 yrs before my mom passed, so yes you have a true bond and what do your vows say "through sickness and health." I think you're doing a wonderful thing.

His time may be short, I have no idea of how long he will be with me. But for anyone else who is taking care of a person with AD you have to let off steam or it will kill you. I have heard caregivers die first because of all the stress they are under. When someone ask a questions on Agingcare, think twice before you say anything. Or ask the person some questions first before you give your answer. I know that is what I will do from now on.

Good morning. I had a scare last night. Ed came out into the kitchen where I was fixing dinner. He said he had a pain in his chest. I checked his heart and it was beating ok. At least I think it was ok. I took his BP and it was 197/101. I felt the panic come over me but I had to settle down and start thinking. He has acid reflux really bad so I gave him a pill for that. I took him back to the family room had him sit down and told him I would check his BP in a few mins. and if it wasn't down I have a pill I give him when this happens. So I took his BP and it was going down. Thank God I said.

I don't know what to do at times. I have called 911 one time they seemed so nasty I hate to call them. Another time when I took him to the hospital when his BP was high they said they don't bring the BP down fast anymore because it could cause him to have a stroke - heart attack. They said that is the new rule.

I was up until after 5am watching him. I had to take a sleeping pill just to relax. That gave me five hours sleep. But soon woke up to him calling me. He wanted to eat. Called it everything but food. You learn to pick up on what they are talking about even tho he is not saying the right words. Just like you would a child.

I am so tired all the time. Call it being depressed or just up tight I am not really sure anymore. He is starting to not want to take his pills. He spit them out last night. I feel like I would like to find a hole some place and get in it. But I have to stick with it. I don't want to feel guilty after he is gone. Say a prayer for me today. God bless!

Boy, do I remember the problems with too many 911 calls! First, it was ambulance rides for my dad - the insurance company wouldn't pay anymore. Then, with my mom, it was her falls. They did get nasty.

It is all very hard, Reba. No wonder you are tired. I'm glad you can talk it out here. I hope you have others who you can talk with. Obviously, some relief help would be good, but I know that is easier to say than to get.

Take care of yourself, or what would happen to him?
Carol

God bless you, too, Reba. Praying.

Reba you are doing good. Perhaps ask your doc for something for depression and or anxiety I take both and it makes all the difference in the world and they are very small dosages but it helps trmendously. You are in my prayers have been there with MIL FIL my father now my mother and when I get done with he it will probably be my hubby. Is there no relief? But I am a peacemaker, a caregiver and a loving person and I can't just let someone else do it as we all know they will never be as compassionate or dutiful as we are. Some of us are a breed of our own with the Grace of God. Have a better day and call your doc.

Hi everyone. I want to share this poem with you who have lost a mom or any loved one. I wrote it for my friend who lost her daughter a year ago. Oct. 10th. May it bless your heart and give you peace.

Don't Cry So Hard For Me

please don't cry so hard for me,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the things,
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
for I love you that much too,
please try to understand,
it wasn't ment to be.

oh how I hated to leave you,
but I know you'd understand,
that I'd have to leave behind,
the best mom I could find.

so think of all the good times,
and how much you mean to me,
I know that I will miss you,
I know you'll miss me too,

don't remember how I was,
the last time you saw me,
for I am no longer hurting,
I'm as happy as can be.

when Jesus reached out his hand to me,
and said its time to go,
he said my home was ready,
where I'd find peace, love, and joy.

when I walked through heaven's gates,
I knew that I was home,
so when you think of me,
please know that I am free.

please don't cry so hard for me,
for we're not far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right there in your heart.

God bless you!

How beautiful, I am going to put this on my space if you don't mind. I am sure it will be uplifting for many people. Thank you

This poem is familar it's a very nice poem it is on the back of my brother's program when he passed..its called "DON'T CRY FOR ME" and best part of the poem that I like is this part "TASK LEFT UNDONE MUST STAY THAT WAY"

If you still have that poem whould you send it to me. My friend was crying hard all the time and she couldn't even talk. Day after day. So when I would pray for her and started writing that poem that is what came to me. There are a lot of poem that are close.

neonwocky
Yes you can do that.

Sure no problem my friend i'll get it right now for you

its called don't cry for me cause im free
Don't grieve for me ,for now i'm free
I am following the path,god laid for me
I took his hand when i heard him call,
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh to love, to work and play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left avoid,
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship shared, a laugh. a kiss
Ah yes these things, i too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life's been full, I've savored much
Good friend,good times,a loved one's touch

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
Don't cry for me God wanted me now
He set me free,

i also wrote one for my mother when she passed i have shared with quite of few people i hope you like this one.


Our Mother Our Friend
Now that everthing is calming down, you have
told us once ,twice you were tired, and you wanted,
to lay down,
The life you have giving us was so full,like summer
winter and fall ooh but wait..... Thats not all.
We can not express enough on how much love you
gave us. The cooking and sewing and that's not all.
You made sure we did not go without no matter how
small, the troublesome we gave you, you didn't care
at all. Grand-children and great grand was not a
challenge to you we kept on bringing them and you love
them the same too.
Now things are calming down, you "ve said once to
us all, the famous four words but you added to your
call. Ma we were selfish we wanted you to stay
You turned to us with your beautiful smile ,with'
those famous four words you say " i don't think so"
don't you cry and don't be sad. I left you a part of
me I left you Dad So go on my children and live your
life
My life is done here, I love you all and......I'm alr


i hope you like my poem i love the one i wrote for my mom i wrote one for dad but my family wouldn't let me read it...

If you still have the one for your Dad I would like to read it thank you

neonwocky are you asking me? I don't have one for my dad. I have one about my mom. When I get depressed I may write a poem or paint.

Thats what I do to paint or bake I am doing a craft show on Dec 5th and start painting windows pots canvas's and than making my famous applr cheesecake and many others for it thats what keeps me sane among many other projects I do Oh I thought you said you wrote one for your dad and the siblings wouldn't let you read it. Stay sweet

I sent the link to my home email I will check it out very soon. thanks for sharing

ok.... that last part didn't type out it ends with "I'M ALRIGHT

OH IM SORRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING TO ME NEONWOCKY

I REALLY LIKE THAT WEBSITE BUT I DIDN'T SEE THE ONE I PUT ON HERE

I'll talk tto you LOL

msdiva, You may find it in the last ones

OK I WILL LOOK AGAIN

msdiva put your website on again so I can check it out please

IM SORRY NEON I DON'T HAVE A WEBSTIE I JUST WROTE THAT POEM FOR MY MOM AND IM LOOKING FOR MY DADS IF YOUR ASKING ME I DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WERE ASKING ME OR REBA (HAHAH)