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He has a lot of medical issues and his son (autistic but high functioning) is starting to have medical issues as well. Can I get them (us) help before it’s too late or should I just separate myself from them and let Medicare and SSI house and care for them. His disability is only going to keep up with the bills just a little while before the bills exceed his income.

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Is there still Common Law? If so, then you may not be able to separate your incomes.

Has autistic stepson ever held down a job? If not, not entitled to SSD unless they use Dads contribution. The other option is SSI. With SSD he will get Medicare, supplimental, dental and vision in NJ anyway. Son will be able to get food stamps, help with utilities etc. I would get in touch with the Autistic organization and see what help you can get.

For your husband, is he already getting SS and Medicare? Don't think he can file for SSD at this point. SSD and SS is usually not enough to live on. I would trust that your husband wouldn't get any additional help. And what he could get would not be immediate.
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