My grandmother is in an assisted living facility with her husband in NC. I live in FL. I want to make decisions on healthcare. What do I do?

Step 1 - is that what your grandmother wants?
Step 2 - are you sure that you are the best person to be making healthcare decisions for her? It isn't just about blood ties. It could be that your uncle-by-marriage, being on the spot and perhaps involved in their care for a long time, has a more in-depth understanding of her situation.

Still, I applaud your wish to step up. Would you be able to go and visit them in person? The ideal approach would be to talk to your grandmother, her husband and his son about your wish to be involved and, assuming she agrees and is legally able, for your grandmother then to appoint you as her proxy or create a new healthcare POA, whichever applies in her state.

Are you currently on good terms with the husband and his son?

You need to talk to the husbands son. Has ur grandmother given him POA and MPOA. If not and Grandma is of sound mind then talk to her about assigning you POA for financial and Medical. If she refuses not much you can do. Medically she is covered by HIPPA meaning her medical issues cannot be discussed with anyone unless she has given permission in writing. It is going to be very hard to make medical decisions for her when you don't see her on a regular basis. Hopefully there is a DNR in place and a living will stipulating what she wants and doesn't want.

This will take a BOOTS ON THE GROUND effort. You’ll have to set up a meeting with g ma, make sure she will agree to and understands the POA, then met with a lawyer to draw up the papers, then have g ma sign. You should be able to set this up before the trip.

Search this site for more info on POA.

Her husbands son is the one who told me that I need to take over because he isn’t comfortable making decisions for her. She calls me all the time for advice & to talk to her doctor’s over the phone. So everyone is on board for me to do this. I just don’t where to start and what website or phone number to call to start the process. Thanks!

Sounds like Grandma just needs to sign you up as healthcare and medical POA. Does GM have a lawyer? The nursing home staff may be able to advise you, too. They may know of a lawyer who does this often for health care center residents.

No, she doesn't have a lawyer. She is an old hispanic woman who never had an education and isn't really educated. I really have to do all of the leg work because she doesn't know much. But, I will call the home and find out what my resources are for North Carolina and how I can get this completed. Thank you!

I'd have her contact an attorney in that state and explain the situation. They can advise her of the of options, as she may also want a Healthcare Directive, stating what treatment if any she wants if terminally ill. I'd also ask for HIPAA releases (she signs) that might come in handy, should you need to get records.

Thanks!!