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Since the Covid19 pandemic has come into the states, the elderly have had it tough. My grandmother tested positive last Thursday a day before her 99th bday at her nursing facility. I didnt hear anything for a few days till 2 days ago when they called me at work. They said she hasn't been eating and dehydrated with a rapid heart rate. They were getting my consent to do DNR if she goes into a cardiac shock. I couldn't give them any form of answer. They gave me the consequences if they do resuscitate her that her sternum would crack and will be on feeding tubes due to her age. They then called me once I left work telling me they sent her to the emergency room trying to rehydrate her. Then again at 9pm they called again asking if she had a living will. So yesterday I contacted both attorneys so they explained to me everything as I was preparing. Today the doctor called me again so they told me she hasn't responded to anything as of eating they are doing all they can but it seems its her time to go its either she's gonna be on feeding tubes or let her go naturally, it's my call meaning she could pass on at sometime next week. This is the hardest decision I have to make ever in my life.

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I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Having a grandmother live to be 99 is amazing, I hope you’ll be filled with wonderful memories of your times together
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Coneal 🙏♥️🕊️
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Reply to Beatty
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Glad you made the decision for a DNR. My SIL just had to let her Mom go. She was taken to the Hospital and put on comfort care. She went peacefully. She was 78. Like said 99 is a good run.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Coneal7876 Apr 18, 2020
once my answer is given they will send her back to the nursing home since its on the same property as the hospital it will just be a matter of time after that i have had prepared with discussing the matter with the attorney's on thursday
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I am so sorry for your situation.

These options presented to you are to choose or decline invasive & painful treatments to try to extend life. If you do choose feeding tube/cpr if required, there is no guarantee these will actually extend her life. Or if successful for what time period. And of course at what quality.

I think the Doctors have to ask these things - to try to follow people's wishes if they can. It is often to ensure painful or invasive treatments are NOT given when the person was against them but I can see how it could look like being asked to choose to withhold vital care. Does that make sense?

Based on her values, what do you think your Grandmother would choose for herself?
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Reply to Beatty
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It is a tough time for those who have the virus and those who don't, but are near the end of their life. Loved ones are left to pass on, alone. My heart is heavy just thinking about it.
If your grandmother had a DNR in place, that has power over anyone having to make that decision. If it is stated in her will, you must honor her decision.
Those days of "passing away, surounded with family by her side..."
Gone. Along with many freedoms we are accustomed to. Sad. I hope you will be able to accept her decision as closure. The weight was not for you to bare. *(sp) Barevement is your next step. God Bless.
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Reply to CindyDgz64
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CPR is absolute hell for an elder (for anyone really... but WAY worse for an elder). It's not like in the movies where people just blow into your mouth and you get up and are fine. I cant imagine the agony it would leave someone so old in.

99 is a damn good run, let her go in peace.
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Reply to HelloImMinsu
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Coneal im so sorry for your grandmother and you as well. You are right, this will most likely be the hardest decision of your life. I know, i too had to make that decision to remove my Gma from life support. She was 91 and her body just wore out. Even though you know in your head, she would not want to suffer any longer, its still hard for your heart. Just know your Gma has lived a long life and let her go on to a better place. She knows how much you love her. Remember the good times you have had all thru the years with her. I wish you both for peace in your soul during this time. Love, Light and Blessings 💞Liz
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Reply to cherokeegrrl54
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Coneal, So sorry about your grandmother. I would do comfort measures only and let her pass naturally. My grandmother was not a DNR and while her daughter was away on vacation she coded and the staff performed CPR and cracked her ribs, She was in so much pain for quite awhile. She lived a few more years, but not good quality living. You would not want her to suffer, right? I would not allow them to place a feeding tube at this point. I hope you make the right decision for your grandmother, and let her pass peacefully. Praying for both of you.
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Reply to earlybird
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Coneal7876 Apr 18, 2020
I did consent to do a DNR as of Thursday
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Oh Coneal, I am so very sorry. Poor GM. 99 years is amazing. Many prayers for you both for divine order.
Be extremely careful with yourself. Keep us updated. We are here for you.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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7876, such a difficult decision for you to make. Are you afraid of the guilt you may feel after? You wouldn't worry about that if you know you are doing what is best for your grandma.

I am sorry you are going through this. The covid is very hard on the elderly. Grandma has lived a long life and has you to know and love for many years making it even harder for you to let go.

Resuscitation could likely break bones which would be very painful for her. A feeding tube could cause significant pain that will only prolong her pain and discomfort. Has hospice been consulted? They would not only help grandma , but also you deal with all of the emotions you are feeling.
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CindyDgz64 Apr 18, 2020
7876? I am not familiar with that. Must be code for DNR. Also, I thought DNR was a choice of the living will, to activate at times in crisis and health. Both my parents had this in their will. It lifted the burden we would have had to confront. Our Dad, God rest him, passed 2 years after our mom. When he became sick, we had a meeting with the hospital staff and his doctors, that forced the decision on us. I am the youngest of 2 sisters and 1 brother. We are very close. Trying to find a way to keep him alive and bounce back. Maybe...? No. Then I remembered the white binder they had on their bedroom. I thought it was a photo album. So I asked them about it. My older sister was with us when we talked about it. It was clear and important to them. (Oh my G!) I do go on and on. The burden was lifted. He was with mom. In their heaven, dancing to Glen Miller's "In the Mood".
No one should die alone. Or forgotten. I am an Eldercare provider. Hospice. Hard, but my heart was all in. This work is not for everyone. Sometimes, not even family members.
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I’m so sorry. This is a decision no one wants to make. I think you need to focus on quality of life here. She’s 99, like
Joann said she’s lived a long life. A feeding tube will just delay the inevitable and most likely wouldn’t improve her qualify of life. I think it’s time to bring in hospice and make her comfortable. Again I’m so sorry.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Coneal7876 Apr 18, 2020
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You don't want to put her on a feeding tube. If she is dying her body is probably shutting down. A feeding tube may not help at this point. May actually harm.

I am so sorry. She is 99 and has lived a good life. You may just have to let her go.
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Coneal7876 Apr 18, 2020
thats what i was thinking its too no point for the tubes im glad she made it to 99 thats a long life lived shes the last of three sisters two have passed on in years past
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