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My grandmother had diabetes and her blood sugar has been dangerously high for 2 weeks. She also has heart problems. She has decided that she no longer wants to live so she is refusing to take her medication. Her health is declining rapidly and she has most of the signs of her sugars being to high... and possibly heading to diabetic coma levels. She has no energy, she smells like sugar, she has needed assistance to get off the toilet every other day, she's refusing to eat and I literally have to argue for HOURS to get her to take 2 bites of food. Shes drinking water in excess like 6-8 bottles a day, and she is bedridden because of it.


This is not the first time that she tried to kill herself. She has done this before about 5 months ago and the whole family banded together to get her into the hospital. She was pissed off at everyone in the family because she told everyone that she wanted to die and we wouldn't let her. So she got back on her meds and she had to recover a bit but now shes trying it again.


She told my dad, my aunt, 3 of my cousins, my brother and me that she wants to die and forbids us from calling an ambulance.This is dividing the family because some of us want to ignore her and get her help while others want to respect her wishes and let her die.


Now the family know that this is going to be an ongoing thing where she is going to stop taking her meds and we realize that she will just repeat this cycle until she dies.


It is hurting me because I am being put into the role of her caregiver.I love her and I physically see her getting worse every day. I feel like I need to call the ambulance and every day she gets worse I feel beyond guilty.This woman raised me and I feel like for me to just let her waste away would be cruel. Every time I am about to call she screams and crys for me not to because she just wants to die at the house...and she has a phobia of needles. She said that she would rather die over taking another needle in her life again....


I told her that we can't just let her go into a coma but she still absolutely REFUSES help. She repeatedly tells me that she wants to die at the house over and over. My father ( her son) has forbid me from calling the ambulance as well. He wants to respect her wishes to die at the house and he is tired of watching his mother deteriorate over and over again.I still have hope... I told her that she needs to go to the doctor and at least tell him that she wants to die so that there is a record stating that she wants that but she knows that they will send her to hospice or something so she refuses to....


I even tried to tell her that we might go to jail or something for letting her die at the house without alerting authorities that she is bad off but she still refuses.


How do I make her see reason? To at least go to the doctor? Will we get charged with elderly abuse/neglect if she dies at our house even though she has told multiple people she want to die? She has even paid for her funeral and grave in advance a couple years ago so she knows that what she wants will be done..... This is tearing me apart because I know that nothing I do will help her and she put me in the position of just making her comfortable while she slowly kills herself...


Should I respect her wish to die at the house or should I call the ambulance and have her put into care somewhere else. We can not afford a elderly home...

Yes, hospice is your best bet. Ask if someone can come not in uniform. If your grandmother tells them her story, make sure that hospice documents it and you have a copy. That is your protection against the 'abuse and neglect' you are afraid of. My own take on this is that your grandmother is competent and serious about wanting her life to end, and in fact neither you nor a facility can control her. Hospice may help you to deal with your own feelings, as well as doing what they can for your grandmother. Best wishes.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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”She knows that they will send her to hospice or something.”

It it sounds like she thinks hospice will try heroic measures to keep her alive against her wishes. I don’t think she understands what hospice will do for her.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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Call a local hospice organization and ask them to send someone out to evaluate her.

https://www.google.com/search?q=mufreesboro+tennessee+hospice&oq=mufreesboro+tennessee+hospice&aqs=chrome..69i57j0.19408j0j4&client=tablet-android-samsung&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#istate=lrl:iv&rlimm=8510429286035101709

These folks are open 24 hours a day.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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My mother often states that all she has to do to end her life is to stop taking her insulin. She's right. And she has the right to do that if she so chooses.

You need to respect your grandma. If she wants to go, help her to do so in a dignified and respectful way.

Forcing her to go to the hospital for life saving measures is not what she wants. Of course the family is infighting about this.

I feel that the children (grandma's) are the only ones who have a weigh in on this. They can get together with mom and ask her what she wants and facilitate whatever she asks for.

To be less 'selfish' she should contact Hospice herself and let them be the go between. They will set everything up, provide support and counseling for the family, if needed.

No one should be 'guilting' her into living a life that she no longer finds happy, rewarding or enjoyable.

BTW, the use of insulin has kept her alive all these years. How is the stopping of med considered suicide? She has been 'falsely' kept alive, she is simply stopping the drugs that sustain life for her.

I wish her peace, I hope as a family you can give her that.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Hospice will provide comfort care in home. She doesn't need to go anywhere.

It is hard to see anyone give up and she is dealing with this in a very selfish manner, but she has the right to make this choice.

Get hospice in or you all could be facing issues. Death at home requires an autopsy if there is no medical personnel or hospice involved, they could determine neglect or who knows what with an autopsy. She needs to suck it up and protect all of you.

They will not give her any shots, everything will be oral.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Hospice care is in the patient's home, most often. Get her evaluated. If accepted, Medicare pays 100% of hospice expense and will pay for respite time for you as well.
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Reply to gladimhere
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She watched your aunt die and thought, what? That hospice hastened her death? This doesn't make any sense.

She may not be well educated as to the purpose of Hospice. SHE'S the one in charge. They will not force insulin or fluids or anything. She calls the shots.

And pretty soon, she will be in a diabetic coma and when they wake her up from that she's gonna be MAD. If she doesn't make decisions, they will be made for her and she won't be happy.

You could also stand to be in legal trouble if you don't do something about this. Minimum getting her a hospice agency to come and talk to her.

The pain from a body shutting down due to multiple organ failure is extremely painful...you can give her that release, but without pain.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Kimmi, did you call the Hospice number?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Kimmi1031 May 9, 2019
I called the ambulance today and they didn't take her. She refused and refused and refused...... They told my dad to get her to make him the power of attorney so she can not refuse. They also say that if she fell again they will take her even if she refuses
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She can refuse Hospice. Hospice will probably continue her insulin. It all depends from an article I just read. They may not be as aggressive.

If she does, call Adult protection Services and ask what you can do. Make sure a record is made of your call.

The only other thing is if she goes into shock, call ambulance. She won't be able to refuse.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You can contact Hospice.
They will not insist she take her medication for the Diabetes.
They will make sure she is comfortable. They will support the decisions that she makes.
They will have a nurse that will come in once a week to check on her but you can call anytime and talk to a nurse, if it is determined that she needs another visit a nurse will come out.
She will have a CNA that will come in and bathe her, help her dress and order supplies. They usually come 2 to 3 times a week, more often if needed.
She and you will get support from a Social Worker, Chaplain if you want one as well as other services.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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