My grandma passed away and I didn't call or go see her the night before. I said goodbye, but she was already in non responsive stage.

More and more I am convinced that grief counselors are correct.

We go, say the counselors, into these circular arguments and self- accusations--or even WORSE into accusations against others-- in order to AVOID the finality of grief and loss. When the anger at ourselves and others is over we must face the tears, and it is too much to bear at times.
So.....instead.....
We want to accuse ourselves of the most bizarre small things.
We want to accuse doctors, nurses, family members, caretakers, ems personnel, just ANYONE or ANYTHING.
We want something or someone to be angry at because quite simply, grief just hurts too much.

Your grandmother had a good long life. Her family was there for that. And they were there for the end.
I am 81 and I want to say to you that IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THAT.
Imagine having so much love from a grandchild, so much honoring? And a long life?
What would this grandmother you so loved have to say about what you are choosing now to do to yourself?
Why don't you write yourself a letter from her to yourself and just IMAGINE what she would say. Because I think she might say something like "Oh, honey! I loved YOU so much as well. But this is the circle. Now get on with it. And when you see a dusky red rose think of me, smell it for me until its petals fall."

The cost of loving is loss. Are you not ready to pay the cost of grief and heartbreak for all the love you have shared with this woman?
I hope you will quickly move from self- flagellation to honoring the life she lived, glorying in the time she had on this earth, and being purely THANKFUL and GRATEFUL that she had the love of you all.

If you cannot do this in some few months, then please do seek help. Grief disorders are now so common that they are included now in the DSM-5 manual and are covered by insurance.

I wish peace to your kind, loving and gentle heart. I know your grandmother would wish the same.

Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of your beloved grandmother. It sounds like she was a very important person in your life, as I’m sure you were in hers.

The “why didn’t I do this” and “I wish I had done that” that you’re experiencing are so natural and common when a loved one passes away. I felt that way when my dad passed away, but I loved him deeply and did my best at the time and those regrets have faded now. I’m glad you were able to say goodbye. Your grandmother was very lucky to have such a loving granddaughter.

I hope you are comforted by wonderful memories of your grandmother and the love you shared. Best to you. 😊

All of my close relatives passed away minutes before or after a visit. We tell families that many people can hear while barely conscious. Do check with bereavement groups in your area. As part of therapy, perhaps you can write a final letter to her then ceremoniously send it off

I believe that people hear us even if they are completely unresponsive. I have had the privilege of being with several loved ones as they transitioned over. I know they heard me--and I'm sure your beloved grandma heard you.

Please don't waste one moment on guilt that you weren't there sooner. Many dying people actually 'hold on' until the are alone and then they pass. It's really common. Dying is so very, very personal.

How wonderful that you had this kind of love in your life! Your grandma knew and knows you love her. Death doesn't take that away.

What you are feeling is grief, not guilt. You did NOTHING wrong.

Celebrate the life if grandma and keep the stories and memories you have of her in your heart and share them with your family.

Realize how blessed you were to have a loving relationship. You may not feel that NOW, but in time, you will come to understand how to access that feeling and not feel sad.

((Hugs))

Grandma heard you, trust me. You were there, and are upset at no response.
She was what they call "actively dying" and nothing anyone could do for her BUT BE THERE. You were, she knew it. I'm sure she wanted to acknowledge you, but they are so tired and their body is closing down. It was out of your control.

Don't torture yourself. You were there. That's all you can do, the rest is up to God.

You have a long process of grief to get through next. You can find a project to honor Grandma. Plant a tree, or roses in her honor. Go outside and talk to her by that plant, watch for signs of her spirit. Join a Grief Group. Cry your eyes out. Make a nice album of favorite photos of her.

Most of all, honor her life by doing your best in your life you have left on earth. Whatever you loved about Grandma, start practicing it, or doing it yourself.

Just know that she knows, you truly love her. So, she is non responsive, but she most likely heard you. She loved you too, know in your heart you said goodbye and she heard and felt your love.
Most likely she may not have been able to talk that day before. Trust .. just trust that she heard you. Ask her to give you a sign, and trust that she will. Besides, you can still talk to her. She is listening..
blesses step off this train of guilt. It’s not good. Trust me on this.. I feel it everyday for every loved one who has transitioned to the other side. I am exhausted.. I am tired… and I wish I could exchange places… but I cannot….
I ask to join my dear… but have not… do I take this to the next level? I’m not sure… guilt is raging through my veins..I only did what hospice told me to…
guilt comes in May disguises..
the guilt of loving your grandmother and not cslkihrr on time??? Just know she knows you were with her in spirit..
she needed that peace of comfort to go home. You prayed in your way.. she heard you… you are ok.. and she is too. She’s not suffering anymore…
My family says I need grief counseling… I am feeling guilty about my situation. No matter what when who where and why, guilt is not good for healing. Let go of the guilt.. thst phone call robot made snything easier. Then you would say… I should’ve made this trip a routine to visit..etc etc..
Take care..
I just might see a counselor…

I’m sorry for your loss, I also had a special, beloved grandmother and know how this feels. I was present throughout my dad’s last days and am convinced that dying is very much a solo journey. Once he stopped communicating with us, he truly went somewhere else, though he was still breathing and his heart still beating. His hospice nurse told me the day before he died to please understand that my dad was already gone, it was his body that hadn’t quite gotten the message yet. It was so true. I have no doubt, and no doubt that your grandmother knew your love and care. I hope you’ll stop beating yourself up over a situation that isn’t the important thing in this, and can heal and focus on memories of the good times. Wishing you peace

I felt something similar when my grandmother died years ago at age 65. Her death was sudden, and she hadn't been sick at all. I wished I'd called or seen her recently before she passed away, but I certainly didn't know that she was going to die beforehand., and she'd been away visiting her family for a few weeks. I finally came to the realization that she knew I loved her. Her death couldn't take away all the good times we'd had together, and she'd always be alive in my heart.

I suggest you start thinking in that direction. It really does help. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I'm sure your grandmother knew on some level that you were there even though she didn't respond.

Everyone has said exactly how I feel about your situation.

Just want to say that I am very sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I adored my grandmother. A special bond occurs between a grandparent and grandchild.

Wishing you peace and sending you a bazillion hugs.

Can I ask you a few questions...
Have you in the past year talked to grandma?
Have you gone to see her?
Have you thought of her often?
The important thing is to treat people always with love and kindness. Like this might be the last time you see them. Simply because you never know what might happen between today and tomorrow.

This went through my mind at my Husbands funeral....
I find it odd, funny, sad, that all these people show up at a funeral or viewing and they have not seen this person in sometimes years. I often think "Harry" would have loved to see his old buddy "George" but "George" must have had better things to do than stop in and visit.

Your grandma knew you loved her.
I am sure she enjoyed the time you spent with her when she was able to talk to you, see you rather than the few minutes you were able to see her before she died.
She heard you
She knew you were there.

And more important...
She is still with you
she will be with you always.
Keep her alive in your thoughts, in the stories you tell and in the things you do in your every day life.

EVERYONE feels the same way you are feeling now.