Get social services involved. Her health and general wellbeing is at risk. Call a Pastor if she has one. Take her on a vacation and have family come in and do a cleaning and purging. She may hate what you have done but maybe she will realize you loved her enough to make sure she is safe and comfortable. Sell things of value and items she no longer needs. You can anonymously report unsafe drivers to the Dept of Motor vehicles. They send a letter asking her to come in. If she does not show up a 2nd letter is sent. Still a no show they revoke her license. Next step is that they could arrest her if caught driving on a suspended license. She is risking lives of others plus her own. Any accident she causes she could be sued and lose everything she owns. She needs psychological help.
Thank you! I do believe this is the route I'm going to have to take. I've already looked up the elder care services where she lives. She does need psychological help and we do need her off the streets. Thank you for your post and reassuring me I am heading in the right direction. Her health and safety along with the health and safety of her town are at risk and I do not want to live with any guilt when I know what needs to happen.
What is your definition of "stepping in"? If you do not have her PoA, you can't make her do anything against her will if she has a sound mind. Hoarding is a mental illness that requires counseling by a trained therapist.
Whatever you do, do NOT attempt to clean up her mess. She will no longer trust you or listen to you and you will exhaust yourself physically and emotionally. She will fill up her house with junk again and waste money doing it. I understand your concern for her. If no one has PoA for her and she is resistant to any solutions for her best interest you should report her to social services as a vulnerable adult and she'll be on their radar. They will eventually get guardianship over her and she will get the care she needs. If she is in her own home you can encourage her neighbors to report her residence so that the city comes to inspect it and my require a clean-up or it will be condemned. I'm so sorry for this situation. It is very common but there is hope for her. It just won't be a fast, or pretty, process.
I am here POA but I can't make her leave her home. The doctors and community are very aware of her living arrangements but won't say anything because they love her. She keeps the outside cleaned so no one can see on the inside. She has always been a "collector of things" but it didn't get this bad until she lost my grandfather almost 14 years ago. There is family close by but they have washed their hands. Sadly, I'm one of the only ones left that still check on her. I am 4 hours away and jugging my family, work and taking care of her is taking its toll. My sister helps when she can but its mostly me and a few of her late friends daughters who keep me up to date when can't be there. Im worried about her health and her driving. I can't even get the local police to turn her in driving 85 down a 30mph street. And you are correct about helping to clean up. What my sis and I did clean up didn't last very long and she has some ill feelings towards some that helped. The only thing that did work was the front porch she cleaned by herself. She fell 2 weeks ago and split open her elbow and has been unsteady ever since. She has cellulitis from her home and the Dr. today only suggested she not be along. She agreed until they left the room then she shook her head no. She is 90 but can hold her own mentally. Physically she is wiped out.
I don't know that you CAN step in and try to do something about this situation without losing your grandmother's trust. Such is the nature of the hoarding beast, which is riddled with secrecy and an incredibly strong desire to have things stay exactly as is. No dumping, no throwing away, no organizing, nothing.
That said, if you feel your grandmother is in danger due to being 90 years old, having dementia and living in a hoard, I'd call APS and have her evaluated. That way, you won't be the Bad Guy, per se, just the snitch who CALLED APS...........lol. It's not funny, I know.........but there's really very little you can do here, short of calling in the authorities to save her from herself.
Either that or wait until she gets hurt and rushed to the ER. They probably will not be willing to release her to live independently afterward, so that's when you can step in and have her placed in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing.
Whatever you do, do NOT attempt to clean up her mess. She will no longer trust you or listen to you and you will exhaust yourself physically and emotionally. She will fill up her house with junk again and waste money doing it. I understand your concern for her. If no one has PoA for her and she is resistant to any solutions for her best interest you should report her to social services as a vulnerable adult and she'll be on their radar. They will eventually get guardianship over her and she will get the care she needs. If she is in her own home you can encourage her neighbors to report her residence so that the city comes to inspect it and my require a clean-up or it will be condemned. I'm so sorry for this situation. It is very common but there is hope for her. It just won't be a fast, or pretty, process.
There is family close by but they have washed their hands. Sadly, I'm one of the only ones left that still check on her.
I am 4 hours away and jugging my family, work and taking care of her is taking its toll. My sister helps when she can but its mostly me and a few of her late friends daughters who keep me up to date when can't be there.
Im worried about her health and her driving. I can't even get the local police to turn her in driving 85 down a 30mph street.
And you are correct about helping to clean up. What my sis and I did clean up didn't last very long and she has some ill feelings towards some that helped. The only thing that did work was the front porch she cleaned by herself.
She fell 2 weeks ago and split open her elbow and has been unsteady ever since. She has cellulitis from her home and the Dr. today only suggested she not be along. She agreed until they left the room then she shook her head no. She is 90 but can hold her own mentally. Physically she is wiped out.
That said, if you feel your grandmother is in danger due to being 90 years old, having dementia and living in a hoard, I'd call APS and have her evaluated. That way, you won't be the Bad Guy, per se, just the snitch who CALLED APS...........lol. It's not funny, I know.........but there's really very little you can do here, short of calling in the authorities to save her from herself.
Either that or wait until she gets hurt and rushed to the ER. They probably will not be willing to release her to live independently afterward, so that's when you can step in and have her placed in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing.
Best of luck!