The hospital wants her to go to a nursing home. I can take care of her 24/7 and she wants to come home instead of going to a nursing facility. Can I demand she be released to come home? She had a bad case of pneumonia but is recovering fine. She is weak but other wise ok.

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You can demand anything but is that the best thing for her? Or you??
The facility is important and it’s good that you are prepared with a handicapped home but the facility is only one part of what it takes to return your partner to health.
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They probably want to send her to rehab. At her age you have no Medicare so the cost would be out of pocket. You need to check and see if her insurance will pay. Other option may be Medicaid depending on her income. She could do in home. See if her insurance pays this. She cannot be made to do rehab.
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I recently spent three weeks in rehab after major surgery knocked me out. It was wonderful. I made up my mind to just rest and let the experts take care of me. I took my meds when they brought them, ate when meals were served and, for the first few days, slept most of the time. Then I got up and started doing the physical therapy. After each day of an hour of therapy I could feel some strength coming back to me. When they gave me the option of going home or spending three more days, I asked to stay the extra days, to get every ounce of benefit out of the therapy that I could. P.S. I understand that even great rehabs can be a little depressing. In my case, the long-term residents were in a separate section. Nevertheless, I was among the youngest (74) of the rehab patients, and sometimes I felt disturbed by other peoples' greater weakness. But it was worth it. Please share my experience with your girlfriend.
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You sound like a wonderful guy. You have the best of intentions. We can see your love and caring.
And, as the old saying goes, 
" There's no place like home."
Who wants to be with strangers when you don't feel well and you're trying to get better?

I get it. But.......

There usually is a REASON the doctor orders a rehab facility. After my husband almost died of pneumonia (he was in ICU for a month on a respirator!) there was no rehab facility to go to. (We lived in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico at the time.) I thought-NO problem, I'm a nurse. I can handle it.
I WAS EXHAUSTED! I was on the phone crying to my mother-in-law to come help me.

Hubs had breathing treatments twice a day,
medications twice a day,
he had lost ALL muscle tone (he was in an induced coma), so he couldn't move. I had to turn him in bed every 2-3 hours, physically pick him up and transfer him to a wheelchair... to the the commode...empty urinals...bathe him...dress him... feed him... shave him, but the most grewling were the constant exercises, FOUR times a day- all muscle groups were worked. Each set took half an hour (2 hrs. a day).
In between, I had to cook 3 meals a day, dishes, laundry, sweep and mop, take out trash, etc.

After he regained the muscle strength in his arms, he could do a lot more for himself. My MIL came and did all the cooking.

It was a miracle that he lived through the pneumonia (then kidney failure/dialysis then blood clot in the he lung, cardiac arrhythmias, lung infection from the respirator, etc.)

Im trying to get across how BIG a job this will be for you AND she will need to learn strength training.

Can she at least get physical therapy and occupational therapy to show you both the regimen she'll need to follow at home? Would you allow PT to assess her to see if she's strong enough to go home? These guys are spot on at catching weaknesses that could potentially put her back in the hospital from a fall.
I also had to call a friend to come stay with hubs when I went grocery shopping, in case he needed to be transferred.

I know you think you can be super nurse and her case may not be as severe as my husband's, but please consider you both at home may not be the best choice right now, due to the fact you CAN'T be 8 people at once. Don't kill yourself trying.

If you do bring her home and forgo rehab, get the exercise plan to take home. And, for Heavens sake, line up other people who can give you a break.

Learn by my mistakes.
Helpful Answer (5)

Jeff most people don't want to go to rehab. I know I didn't, BUT I should have done and if the need arises will definitely go next time.
When you are weak after a hospital stay for a serious illness you really do need care devoted just to you not a caregiver who, however loving has other things to take care of and can't just run and get a drink or lend a hand walking to the bathroom.
The important thing for GF to remember is that she is there for rehab not permanent residence so don't identify with the other NH residents and feel depressed by their situation. They are there for different reasons. if it is a stand alone rehab the atmosphere will be much better but many are part of a NH.
You can spend a lot of time with her and probably take her out when she feels strong enough and do things like push her round in a wheelchair if the weather is nice.
Assuming she is able to make her own sensible decisions she can refuse to go to rehab and some home care can be ordered plus any equipment she needs.
Do her and yourself a favor and encourage her to spend at least some time in rehab. Being a caregiver is a 24/7 job and presumably you have no experience in this area and you are disabled so it will be extra tiring to manage.
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Are you sure she’s not going just for a few weeks of rehab to get stronger? You need to clarify that with them. If that’s the case it’s a better idea to let her go for rehab with skilled therapists and then bring her home. You can then continue to do the therapies at home with her, once the pros have told you what to do.
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Semiretired means partly working which does not mean available to do 24/7 care giving. And doing anything 24/7, especially caregiving, is not doable or healthy for you. Have a deeper conversation with the medical people where your girlfriend is now and rethink this.
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I have the same questions as CM.

Are they perhaps insisting she go to rehab after and accident or stroke? That's so she can have intensive therapy and get strong again. It's usually a really good idea.
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Jeff, Can you elaborate? Is she currently in the hospital? Has the hospital indicated that the stop at a nursing home is for physical or occupational therapy --- because that is where post hospital rehab takes place.OR have they said that she will need skilled nursing permanently?
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Why does a lady of 56 need nursing facility care?

If she is mentally competent, then your girlfriend can insist on being discharged home. That doesn't mean it's a good idea, necessarily.

Could you tell us more about what is going on?
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