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I hate to sound trite here but it is becoming annoying. I know he is lonely (he just moved in). We have a large house, I try to give my dd space but when the subject comes up to go to a friends house hes in the car ready to go (so to speak). My wife and I cant talk at dinner as he retains every thing on what and when we are doing or chime in gin on the next event. We do take him to cookouts with our friends when he is invited. The last one had a few seniors there so it was good for him to make connections. Its just when my buddies say to come over to the game hes thinking it includes him. At times I just take off and leave (now I feel bad). I do tell him we are doing our time and going out (we try once a week). I am trying to get him to go out on his own to civic events (lodge meetings) but he wont go without me. I hate to lie or not tell him what I am doing and now my wife and I have to play quiet when we are around (very frustrating). This weekend we will get some time away (way over due). My daughter will come to the house to watch him and the dog (he wont care for our dog while we are away but we have to watch his another pet peeve). So how do I get him to realize my friends are mine, he has been good at times to give us our space and we do make sure we include him. When my friends come over the conversation becomes taken over with the stories I have had for years. I don't want to exclude him or give him a plate of food and send him back to his room but......

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tgengine, since your Dad just moved in, it will take time to adjust to everyone schedule. He probably stills feels like he is *visiting* thus the reason for going everywhere with you and your wife. Give him time.
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I am trying to find some things for him to do, my wife is having him refinish some furniture in the garage (I lost my side of the garage apparently) for her antique booth. He is enjoying it. I had him go to a friends business to do some light work for a couple of days, hasn't gone back, I thought it would give him some purpose. I have a buddy who will need some siding put on a shed, he can do light work, it is just up to me to play the event coordinator. I work at home, today he went out for parts (and lunch that he doesn't think I know about, nor do I care). Since I moved him here I have to make all the decisions. Right now he just got back and is taking a nap in the car in the driveway...... not the first time he has done that. I have scheduled all of his dr. appts. He is willing to let everyone do everything for him. I just ant get him to do something on his won. He keeps making up ideas for food that he wants to make (he can cook) I tell him there is the kitchen, help your self! I am trying to find a social service center that needs someone to fix things to get him to volunteer for. He really does not need money but a couple dollars in his pocket each week would do him good. He is not ready for a senior program yet although he found a local group that goes on trips but that involves spending money he doesn't have (the last time he bounced checks for a week). I don't know, I'm just tired at this point.
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Does your area have a senior center Dad can go for the day, or if he is still mobile and sharp, have him do some volunteer work [local hospitals are always looking for volunteers, or the local library, or animal shelter as long as he doesn't bring home a new pet every day].... by the time he comes home, he'd probably be too tired to socialized :)
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Ask his lodge brothers to pick him up for a meeting. Or take him to a meeting and gradually back off until he is socializing with peers. Eventually he will be confident to go it alone.
Invite some of them over to play cards with Dad. Make it a regular event, and that is when you and the wife go to dinner. Give it a try.
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You are absolutely right to want to enjoy time alone with your wife. There's nothing to feel bad about.

When my dad lived with me all of my social invitations included him. I never figured out how to get out of the house without him. And then there was the getting in the car and probably a stop along the way to use the bathroom, the getting him situated once we got there and bringing him his drink and his food.....It was work for me. I couldn't figure out a way around it but I'm glad you can. You need to.
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Thanks, I'm trying. After years of taking care of everyone I'm getting a little tired. We normally go on a week long hunting trip each fall but after a week long fishing trip out west I need a break. My objective is to have him visit my sister for Thanksgiving and then go to hunting camp without me. It will be hard for me to miss but Id like to enjoy a bit of time with my wife believe it or not.
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I think you're being completely unreasonable. How could you have him living in your house and not include him in every social event you're invited to?? I just can't believe how shallow you are.

Not.

;)

"Dad, we're going over to John & Debbie's on Saturday. Is there anything in particular you'd like to do while we're gone? The VFW's having a spaghetti dinner from 5 to 7:30. Maybe you're like to go?"

It won't take long for you and your wifey to resent dad's complete intrusion into your lives. And he's doing it because you let him. It's a little different when the gang's at your house . . . but, even then, if you're planning it in advance, you can give him alternatives.

Make sure his room is fit for any teenager on Planet Earth. Nice big flat screen, Lazy Boy, DVD player. On those nights you're busy when he "has nothing to do," rent him some of the oldies but goodies, leave him with a pizza, Johnny Carson DVD's on autoplay, and some popcorn. Go out and have a good time knowing that by your sharing your home with him, you're doing angel's work.
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