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She has dementia and is non communicative. Bedridden for last year and has been cared for by 2 home aides at her home for several years. Nursing home says perhaps she needs to adjust to new place and give it a few more days. Family doesn’t want feeding tube placed. What are his options?

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Call in hospice and allow this 97 year old woman die in peace and comfort which hospice will provide.
Why would anyone want her to continue as she is? She's ready to leave this world for the next and the kindest thing your friend can do is to let her do just that.
Please bring hospice on board TODAY! Yes you can call them on Sundays as they are available 24/7.
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Leave mom alone. She's 97 and can choose to eat or not to eat. Facility should offer food but not force feed. Thank god the family is not going to use a feeding tube on mom. What a nightmare for mom if that were to happen. Many elderly die when they go into a facility. I am not sure why but it seems to happen.
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At 97, maybe it's time to let the poor woman go to God's good mercy.

Why keep a person this old who is bedridden and in a nursing home alive?

He should let her go to her peace.
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I would not put a feeding tube in a 97 yr old. If the next thing he is told she is having a problem swallowing, she is actively dying. He should nott feel guilty for the decision he made placing her. She is 97 with Dementia. She has no quality of life. I prayed for God to take Mom home. He finally did and it was peaceful.
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Just leave her alone. Keep her comfortable. She has dementia, she is 97. Old age and dementia cannot be fixed. Why prolong her misery, she's had enough.
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Follow mom’s lead. If she doesn’t eat or drink it shouldn’t be forced in any way. Only offered. If her long time aides could visit, it might make her feel more comfortable. Hospice won’t keep her alive or cause her death. It would provide her another level of care and provide more support for your friend. When she does pass, arrangements might be easier for him as well. Perhaps you could suggest he call and discuss with a couple of hospice providers. They are not all the same.
My DH aunt, 97 has been in the NH for 2 yrs on hospice and has lost 30 lbs.
But she has never gone 4 days without eating or drinking. I would call hospice.
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I agree it's time for hospice and comfort care. I am PoA for my Aunt, who is 105, with a very good mind/memory and no health issues. Family always comments that she can live another 5 or 10 years to which she emphatically says, "I better NOT!"
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MiaMoor Jul 2024
A woman after my own heart!
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My MIL (92 w dementia) goes on “hunger strikes” from time to time. These are strategies that have worked for us.

(1) Plan visits around mealtimes and bring meals to eat together. Some times it is a matter of applying a little positive social “peer pressure.”

(2) Accommodate favorite foods. Luckily for my MIL, it’s fairly healthy with roasted sweet potatoes seasoned w olive oil, rosemary, and cracked pepper. She also loves cherry tomatoes, and now bing cherries and grapes as they are in season. But favorite foods can be used to entice the appetite.

(3) Serve Ensure (meal replacement) for dessert. That way, even if there aren’t enough calories ingested with the meal, she is able to get some sustenance calories. She likes the strawberry, but my own mother loved the chocolate.

Luckily, with the dementia, she has forgotten why she was mad and moved along to enjoy meals again BUT it IS nerve-wracking when these episodes occur. She has gone many days until her skin is pallid, her lips blue, and her skin “stands up” like mountain peaks when gently pinched (due to dehydration). But always a relief when she starts to eat again.

Re feeding tubes - There is research that shows that they do not prolong life and introduce infection risk. I concur that taking that route should be avoided.
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She cannot be forced to eat. She can be encouraged, you could bring her favorite foods. See if she is willing to drink protein shakes. It's very hard to transition from home to a facility, plus with dementia the brain no longer gives her cues that she needs to eat. And, sometimes, people stop eating when they are ready to go, as my mom did.
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Thank goodness the family doesn't want to place a feeding tube. The nursing home's response to give her time to adjust is unrealistic and frankly, dismissive.

Bless her heart.

She's gone from being in her home with two caregivers to being in a nursing home. Sleeping on a foreign bed, being around unfamiliar and ever-changing staff, being presented with different food, probably being left unattended and unspoken to for long periods of time. And if she is bedridden, is she being turned regularly?

My mother is also 97, with dementia and almost blind now. If I were to put her into a nursing home and expect her to "adjust" at this point, I would be lying to myself.
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Hothouseflower Jul 2024
Every situation is different. There are a multitude of reasons why people choose placement over keeping a LO at home at this point. It probably is just not sustainable by the family members any more. They are seniors themselves. I am sure it was a difficult decision.
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