She has dementia and is non communicative. Bedridden for last year and has been cared for by 2 home aides at her home for several years. Nursing home says perhaps she needs to adjust to new place and give it a few more days. Family doesn’t want feeding tube placed. What are his options?

Call in hospice and allow this 97 year old woman die in peace and comfort which hospice will provide.
Why would anyone want her to continue as she is? She's ready to leave this world for the next and the kindest thing your friend can do is to let her do just that.
Please bring hospice on board TODAY! Yes you can call them on Sundays as they are available 24/7.
Helpful Answer (31)
Reply to funkygrandma59

Tell your friend, not to feel bad, she needed to be in a nursing home.

And no to any feeding tubes they are horribly uncomfortable for older people.

I would advise you to advise your friend, that it's time for hospice.

And how amazing it is that she lived to 97.
Helpful Answer (24)
Reply to Anxietynacy

Leave mom alone. She's 97 and can choose to eat or not to eat. Facility should offer food but not force feed. Thank god the family is not going to use a feeding tube on mom. What a nightmare for mom if that were to happen. Many elderly die when they go into a facility. I am not sure why but it seems to happen.
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Reply to anonymous1768885

At 97, maybe it's time to let the poor woman go to God's good mercy.

Why keep a person this old who is bedridden and in a nursing home alive?

He should let her go to her peace.
Helpful Answer (22)
Reply to BurntCaregiver

I would not put a feeding tube in a 97 yr old. If the next thing he is told she is having a problem swallowing, she is actively dying. He should nott feel guilty for the decision he made placing her. She is 97 with Dementia. She has no quality of life. I prayed for God to take Mom home. He finally did and it was peaceful.
Helpful Answer (21)
Reply to JoAnn29

Just leave her alone. Keep her comfortable. She has dementia, she is 97. Old age and dementia cannot be fixed. Why prolong her misery, she's had enough.
Helpful Answer (16)
Reply to Hothouseflower

Follow mom’s lead. If she doesn’t eat or drink it shouldn’t be forced in any way. Only offered. If her long time aides could visit, it might make her feel more comfortable. Hospice won’t keep her alive or cause her death. It would provide her another level of care and provide more support for your friend. When she does pass, arrangements might be easier for him as well. Perhaps you could suggest he call and discuss with a couple of hospice providers. They are not all the same.
My DH aunt, 97 has been in the NH for 2 yrs on hospice and has lost 30 lbs.
But she has never gone 4 days without eating or drinking. I would call hospice.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to 97yroldmom

Putting a feeding tube in a person in such a condition would be torture.

Hospice up.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to ZippyZee
swmckeown76 Jul 12, 2024
Why not ask the woman whether or not she wants a feeding tube? If she doesn't, she can still be offered her favorite foods and beverages, even if your friend has to bring them in himself. It's ageist and ableist to say someone should be denied a feeding tube because of age and disability.
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I agree it's time for hospice and comfort care.

I am PoA for my Aunt, who is 105, with a very good mind/memory and no health issues. Family always comments that she can live another 5 or 10 years to which she emphatically says, "I better NOT!"
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Geaton777
MiaMoor Jul 12, 2024
A woman after my own heart!
She cannot be forced to eat. She can be encouraged, you could bring her favorite foods. See if she is willing to drink protein shakes. It's very hard to transition from home to a facility, plus with dementia the brain no longer gives her cues that she needs to eat. And, sometimes, people stop eating when they are ready to go, as my mom did.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to DianaFS

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