This is my first holiday without Mom who died in April. Any ideas on how to cope?

I am sorry for your loss, and do not worry about your grieving process. Each person grieves at a different pace. Give yourself permission to cry, and think of your mother and know she is in a better place. I still think of my mother who died in 2002, but having her suffer with dementia was even more difficult. She is definitely in a better place where there is no dementia.

It is said that when we are depressed (even in cases of clinical depression), helping others helps ourselves. I think of it as a certain magic, although who knows, maybe helping others stimulates certain chemicals in our brain. If you love people, look for ways to help them, whether it be through charity work or assisting with chores/making casseroles. If you're near a hospital, maybe you could hold premature infants. If you love animals, consider helping (even just petting) shelter animals. Or feeding stray or feral cats, or birds.

Much wonderful advice above. Everyone goes through grief differently and you also grieve differently for different people in your life. I have seen the differences in just myself after losing both parents, a sister, a brother, a son, a daughter, and now, in August, my husband. Losing my mom was devastating to me too. It depends on where you're at in your grief process as to how much you can handle. My mom died in May one year so Christmas wasn't too awfully hard as it wasn't extremely fresh and raw. My daughter died 6 days before Christmas and I don't even remember that Christmas as I was in a fog. But I've always felt that if it is at all possible, I've vowed (except for the year my daughter died - it was too raw), to spend each holiday with family. My husband passed away this Aug. 29th and I was really wanting to just hide this Thanksgiving. But, I decided to make the commitment to have all of his family over here for Thanksgiving, just like we always did, and I am so glad I did. His children were hurting too and it was such comfort to spend it together knowing that each of us loved him and miss him. Once I made the commitment and the plans were set, I knew I could not (would not) back out. There was an empty spot in each of our hearts for him, but it was comforting to be with everyone who was a little part of him. I think it was very healing for all of us. We ate, and fellow-shipped, played games, laughed, and yes, even cried a little, but it was strengthening for all of us because we know how he loved to gather with his family and he would want us to continue with that. I would say to continue with whatever traditions your family has. Remember her, but don't isolate yourself. Don't be afraid if a little of that stress and loneliness for your mom comes rolling down your cheeks in the middle of whatever get-togethers you have, because there will probably be others there missing her just as much. I thought about helping with the Thanksgiving meal at the Salvation Army but finally came to the conclusion that the first holiday without that missed one is the most important and hardest to get through, and needed to be spent with family. I agree with and say amen to the prayer of Susan B. above. The only way to get through this is with the Lord's help, so don't be afraid to call on Him when you need it. God bless you and help you to experience some peace through this holiday season.

When my mother passed away, I began volunteering. 10 years now I help serve the homeless on Thanksgiving and it is the best part of my holiday. I feel mom is somehow helping me to give back to others. Pay it forward. I didn't feel like wallowing in the grief, and certainly didn't want to forget. Somehow this seemed to honor her as I remembered her life fondly.

my mom has been gone for 10 years, while I will always miss her, in time feelings change so the pain of loss isn't as 'raw'. I honor my mom by making sure our holiday traditions are celebrated by our family and I remember all the Christmas's past. The first set of holidays are the most difficult to get through, but we must remember that the circle of life goes on and that means all living things must pass from this world. I like to think that my mom is 'watching' from above and she knows I'm taking care of the family the way she would want.

Dear katiekat2009, The very best advise you could ever get is this: Go to your pastor and share with him what you are going through. If you do not have a pastor then call 770-603-PRAY (7729). My church has a prayer room and we pray for everyone for every reason 24/7...leave a msg and the next person in will record your prayer request in the book and pray for you. If you are near Atlanta, GA and to be specific Jonesboro, GA, then please, please, please come and visit. I lost my mom in 2008 and I was led there by the Lord. I have never regretted a moment or even thought of looking back. But even if this church is too far for you to get to, call and let us pray. Let us help you find a church close to you. I was not even thinking about church when I landed here...but I know I was bound for devastation without it. Please, at least call for comfort. It really does help. God has sent me 3 replacement moms...and each one of them fills a unique niche once held by my birth mom. And believe me, it takes all three of them to make up for the loss. When you trust in Jesus, you can't go wrong, He DOES fill the void...in more ways than you could ever dream of or ask for. Loving you in Christ, Susan B. @ First Baptist Church Jonesboro (Georgia).

Father God as I write these words I recall my own journey and my own loss but YOU helped me to see that this was not 'my' journey or 'my' loss but rather a reflection of YOURS long ago on the cross. And even though the loss was difficult, YOU were with me through it all from day one. I am lifting up Katie to YOU Lord. I am asking YOU to take her into YOUR arms and hold her tight. Be with her and watch over her like YOU did for me. Father God I know that "I" did not get through this loss of my mom. I know that "YOU" brought me through this loss of my mom. I also KNOW that YOU will bring Katie through this loss of her mom. So Father I am asking YOU to comfort her right now @ 7:16am EST as I pray and type interceding for her asking YOU to give her my portion of comfort that YOU had given to me in 2008. Show her that YOUR love overcomes all pain. Show her that her mom is now safe and sound in YOUR arms. Yes, while it is difficult for us to bear with the instant loss...YOU help us to cope day by day knowing YOU "have the whole world in YOUR hands".

Katie, I wish for you peace in the days to follow knowing that many will be praying for you.

Susan B. @ FBCJ

My Dad died and was buried 7 days before Christmas. I carried on with our family traditions to honor his life. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way and neither did my mother. Sure, I had to go ino my closet and cry a few times but at those times I focused on the fact that my Dad was out of pain, safe and happy with the Lord. My faith was my best friend. If you are a person of faith, rely on the strength you will receive from God to help you grieve. No matter what your belief system, know that others here care about you and will think of you during the holiday season. Just knowing that should help. Good luck.

My mother passed away this past May. I hosted Thanksgiving at my house this year. It has been difficult, with bouts of depression and tears. I am determined to get through this first Holliday without her, by celebrating with traditions of the past and building new traditions for myself and family.

Just had my first Thanksgiving without Mom. My husband and I went away (it was also our anniversary). We sent kids to paternal grandparents. It felt good to do something different. I am trying to think of different things to do for Christmas. Maybe a mix of new and old traditions? I agree with all above, do what feels right to you.

My first Christmas without Mom too. I joined a bereavement group via our hospice and we are helping each other through. All feeling unmotivated and scattered. Grief comes in waves; sometimes it swamps you and you have to remind yourself that life has msny colors and experiencing new ones can be uncomfortable and lonely. Your mom would want you to take care of yourself so if you need to tell folks "Let's do it next year" that is your right.

People are wired differently. I did not want my first motherless Christmas to be around a lot of happy people. I wanted to wallow in my sorrow (with old family holiday photos, comfort food), not act as if it were a big party. So, gauge your own personality. Do you want to wallow or forget? Find a family member or a friend who also will support you in that decision.

The first holiday without a loved one is certaintly daunting. I agree with sunflo2 that you need to plan to fill your time so that you're not constantly reflecting upon what you would have been doing had mum been with you. I think you should also try to take a companion who appreciates that you will be experiencing mixed emotions embracing grief as well as the inner desire to re-charge your batteries. You need to structure this holiday so that you personally have support. Remembering the first holiday without my step-dad of 34 years, I recall that in the lead up to this I was very apprehensive, mainly because for years we had taken him and mum away with us and had got into a routine of playing dominoes/cards etc., every day in a hotel lounge, and I was really fearful that this would be an element of the holiday that would remind us constantly that he wasn't there. I decided we needed to book a hotel with an entertainment programme so that my mum (wheelchair-bound then) could be distracted by watching the exercises by the pool, by watching the line dancing, by doing the daily crossword competition, by watching early evening tea dancing, etc., and punctuating the rest of the day with light lunch, snacks etc., Basically, we had a full routine that ended with a couple of sherries before bedtime and we got through it. It didn't mean we didn't think of him, but we were able to avoid those triggers that we specifically associated with him. Hope you can do this - it does become easier.

Mine too...You're not alone. I've found that spending time with relatives or friends and not focusing on the fact that it's a holiday has been helpful. You can celebrate another year. Make this year just a day to spend with people you love. Or as sunflo says, do some activity or help the community.

Very tough and my heart goes out to you. Will you be spending holiday with other friends or family? If you are staying away because of your blue feelings, don't. Go anyway and enjoy the distraction.

Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, or visiting your nearest senior living facility and visiting with seniors without family.

Plan the day by going on a hike, taking a walk at a park, a good book. Go to the movies. Vow to fill up the day with activity, to get outside of yourself. It doesn't mean your dishonoring your loved one. Consider it a reward for all the holidays you may have given up to care for your loved one these last couple years.