My FIL is flying in for a week long visit. He has COPD and had a heart attack Nov. 2017 (has a stent). This is WAY out of my league - HELP!

If he's unsteady on his feet I trust someone will help him get to the airport. If he's flying alone we can be glad it's only a single flight. Will his son be available to meet him at the airport? If your husband expects you to pick him up, don't go alone -- take a friend along so one of you can manage the baggage while the other one assists FIL.

What are you concerned about with the oxygen? As long as no one is smoking in the house, it's pretty safe. As long as he wears the cannula, it's pretty effective. But if there's something about it that worries you, by all means ask. Several of us have lived with oxygen-using people for months or years and can answer all your questions.

Not sure what to think about 'needs 3 liters of oxygen at night'. First off, that's not really a 'quantity', it's a 'flow rate'. If he sleeps with a nasal cannula connected to a tank or a concentrator set at 3L, does he really not need oxygen in the daytime? Right away I would want to ask why -- maybe even phone his doctor so you can know how to care for him appropriately.

In my (limited) experience (and I'm not a doctor or a nurse), most people who only use oxygen some of the time are using it on the 2L setting, sometimes even less. Most of the people I know who are using 3L are using it continuously, day and night.

You should probably rent an oxygen concentrator for in-home use, and get it delivered the day BEFORE he is scheduled to arrive.

You should have at least a back-up tank or two in the home in case of power failure.

Macular degeneration = can't see well especially for detail, which can unfortunately contribute to aspiration as he puts something in his mouth without being sure what it is or how big a bite.

Probably he doesn't wear his dentures because they no longer fit properly and are uncomfortable. Ditto his hearing aids.

Obviously you can't make him wear either, but you can gently request that he wear his teeth while eating, and ask him to wear his hearing aids long enough for you to find out what he needs in the way of assistance and help him know how to navigate in your home.

Pro tip: bright lights on stairways and hallways can help prevent falls. Pick up any throw rugs for the duration (yes, even the ones I really love got put away for the visit).

Let's see, what did I forget? Oh, yes: the stent in November is actually good news -- he may have more stamina and be less forgetful than he was right before the heart attack, due to better blood flow to the heart allowing better blood flow to the brain and body. And it's long enough ago that healing is likely complete.

Any chance he uses a walker? That can be a great help with unsteadiness.

I'm sorry he's been such a handful and I have confidence that you can do this, with a little help. So sorry your hubby isn't taking time off to be home with his dad.

What is fil's living situation ? Does he live alone?

Call a local agency and see about getting someone to give you a hand, a man who could act as both helper and companion would be ideal. Don't take no for an answer, this is about helping YOU as much as it is about helping FIL - if DH and FIL can spend on air fare they can afford to pay for this.
If FIL has trouble walking I imagine there will be difficulties with the accessibility of the toilet and shower as well as his meals and oxygen, in addition to a transport wheelchair you might look into renting a shower chair and a commode that can be placed over the toilet which increases the height and provides arms for stability. Plan meals with his eating problems in mind - think soft and easy to eat without teeth (lasagna instead of steak). And I can't imagine DH allowing the poor man to navigate the airports on his own, unless he is a frequent flyer the flights alone will be a very stressful experience.

Just do the best you can. I don't agree with running off and leaving hubby with the job even though he's dumped it on you No need to stir up another argument. Look for some extra help that week which could even be someone coming in to help keep the place tidy. Maybe you can prepare some meals in advance and freeze them. Most old folks just enjoy sitting and watching the tv so just do that with him as much as you can. Maybe get him to tell you some stories of your husband growing up. I agree with trying to arrange oxygen and whatever he needs before he gets there. Mostly our old parents just want to be around people. God bless you.

Regardless of how much care your FIL needs, it seems quite rude of your DH not to take some time off work whiles he’s visiting. Maybe you could “encourage” him to take some vacation days so his Dad will feel more welcomed by his son.

Your husband is certainly being very inconsiderate of you as well as of his own father. Who exactly does he expect is going to take care of this elderly frail man while he is at work? Who is going to accompany this man to the airport and on the 3 hour flight in both directions? It does not seem that your husband has thought this through very well.

Unless you are a registered nurse who is trained in geriatrics, you certainly don't have the ability to do this.

Is he bringing any kind of oxygen delivery system? Portable concentrators are allowed on planes, but bottled oxygen is not. If he is not, please suggest to his son that he need to rent one while dad is there.

Agree with the disappearing say on day 3.. me finks it might be the beginning of a long and painful tenancy occurring..
See it all went OK so dad can come and live with us, Oh BTW Im off for the next week you will manage alright scenario comes to mind.
Make your husband take time off and be there for HIS dad.

Does your FIL live alone now?
Remind your husband that his dad should be careful to bring all his meds and his paperwork. DNR, insurance cards, list of meds and drs should he have to make phone calls on his dad’s behalf. FIL should bring extra meds just in case.
Perhaps you could contact a home health agency to know terms and availability should the flight leave your FIL needing personal care.
Have an urgent care in mind just in case.
Remind your husband of any accommodations his dad might need in the home, seating, special diet etc.
Perhaps a wheel chair rental for outings?
This trip sounds very important to both of them.
You might pick up the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. I think it would help you not be so anxious about your FIL traveling to your home and about taking care of him.
if he’s used to being alone most of the time, you should be fine going about your business as usual.
If you are very anxious about it remember it’s just a week. Get out for a walk everyday or meditate a bit each morning.
Plan your meals and set things up where it’s easy for FIL to wait on himself when he needs to.
Its pretty neat that he isn’t afraid to live his life and that your husband supports him.
I hope you help make the birthday special.

try telling yourself. I love my FIL, I love my FIL ha ha  just kidding.

but at least its only a week? Don't feel responsible for this mans health if you can.

just do your best and if something happens that is beyond your control during the day call 911.

let your husband deal with the nighttime situation (he's home by then?) of oxygen.

I think whenever something is going to happen and we fight it. It just makes us more uptight not to accept it. take a deep breathe and tell yourself I can make it thru one week.

My first thought, albeit a witchy one, is to tell you to go on a little getaway of your own. Absolutely let hubby, who insists on accommodating his father, go ahead and accommodate him. All by himself!

You’re being jerked around and forced to do something you are not equipped or trained to do and don’t WANT to do. So why do it? You’re a big girl. Make reservations at a nice hotel with a bangin’ Spa and have a blast.

I would not stress about pitsing “the boys” off. After all, neither one is considering your feelings, wants or needs.

Hubby will have to take time off to care for his father. They can have some “real bonding” time. Yeah, boy.

Make reservations, leave the day he arrives and come back after he leaves and be rested, refreshed and not stressed out by suddenly being an unwilling caregiver. If you get any flak, who cares? They didn’t care what you wanted!