My father passed away Easter Sunday and my stepmother has not been told yet due to the lockdown at the nursing home.

Wow! Reading this question just hurts inside knowing I may have to do it! I would say if she doesn't understand just keep it from her until this whole lockdown is over then you can tell her and have the memorial service because when there is grief you just wanna hold your loved ones!

Very very sorry for your loss.  No perfect answers.   I would explain that he passed away and that as soon as pandemic restrictions allow, you will help her plan a memorial service, as no funeral ceremonies allowed now.  Does she have any children?  POA?

I'm so sorry for your loss and this extremely difficult positing the lockdown puts you in. You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers right now.

My only suggestion is to go with your gut as to what you think is best for your mom. You know your mom best. And these are very unusual and difficult times.

You are in the middle of grief now, too. Not just the loss of your father, but, I can imagine, the loss of your contact with you mom right now too.  Maybe journaling would help? I find that when I right out my thoughts on paper (sometimes many many pages full of thoughts) it can help settle my anxiety and think of a possible solution. I'm a visual person, so I draw out my ideas, too.

I personally agree with you that the loss of her husband should come from her daughter. You can help answer questions and offer her emotional support that only a daughter can do.

So very sorry for your loss, Labs.

That's such a tough thing to deal with. I'm not sure what I might do. I think that if the dementia was really pronounced, I'd wait indefinitely. Are you able to discuss it with her caregivers? I know they are likely very focused on the virus right now.

Oh, how awful for you, Labs!

I have no good advice. Just ((((hugs))))). I think the right way to handle this will become clear after lockdown.

Spare your mom all the pain you can right now.