The family has tried we can't get him to wear a depends. He'd rather sit in a mess than change it. I don't understand? I have recently ordered a variety sample pack which I hope he will try. I just got him pull ups the other day and he was wet all the way down to his ankles. He is staying with my brother with my mother too. We have yet to get professional help, which we are working on. We are also working on getting them into assited living. It's not easy doing all this when working full time. Anyway Mom does't help him much at all. She needs the help too. As a matter of fact she mentioned putting him into a home and one of us kids could take her. They are both 87. We've brought them down to Connecticut from their home in New Hampshire because they just can't be alone anymore. Of coarse they think so they want to go home but we know they can't. They can't clean anymore, remember to take meds or even take to many, It's scary I've gone up to visit them at least 6 times this pst year and every time had to clean bathrooms and the rest of the house including refrigerator. Not fun I just wanted to visit. I didn't mention dad has neuropathy in his legs and has a tuff time walking so chooses to sit all day and thats when he messes. I don't know if he doesn't care but it's not healthy and it stinks too . Help

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missy, I know how you are feeling. If your father has not gotten professional help, are you sure that the pain in his legs is neuropathy and not circulatory pain? If he has circulatory problems, it may also have affected his brain. I would see if I could get him to the doctor to check for vascular dementia. I am not a doctor, but just thinking that your father's symptoms sound much like my father's. He sat in a chair all day long and had much cramping-like leg pain. He refused to go to the doctor. We got him there a few times, but did not get any effective help for him. We did not learn what was causing all of his problems until his last week on earth. He had mixed dementia and little circulation in his extremities. My father would wear Depends, but he lost interest in his hygiene and appearance. He would only get up to go to the bathroom.

It is rather unappealing, but it may help to put a potty chair close to where your father sits most of the time and by his bed at night. Also try to get him to use a urinal when he has to go.

Something I also wonder is if he has lost some sensation in the lower part of his body. Does he know when he has to go? And does he know when he is wet or soiled?

Since your mother is his primary caregiver, I guess you'll have to get her on board with what you are doing. Sometimes the only way to get a resistant person to the doctor is say that they are going and that's that! Does he have a transport chair? It will make it easier to take him to the doctor. If you don't have one, sometimes churches have chairs they can lend short-term.

Good luck to you. Maybe it will help to get him to the doctor if he thinks there a chance the doctor can help his pain. None of us want to live in pain. Hugs to you this new year.
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