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He has been diagnosed with Parkinson's, then Alzheimer's, then dementia, encephalitis, Binswangers disease, etc. No neurologists have agreed on what's causing his motor skills, mainly walking, to have deteriorated so much. He moves in slow motion and it's frustrating for him and anyone watching him.


He uses a plastic urinal cup as it takes way to long to get to toilet to pee. As of late he misses the cup and gets pee all over his pants and is ok just sitting back down and says he's ok. I ask him what happened, did you miss? Did you not get up in time, and he just says, "it's ok". It's really frustrating. I'm here in Florida for a month as I live in California. My 90 year old mother can do a lot cooking and cleaning, but she can't undress him without great difficulty as he can't/doesn't help much in lifting his legs, hips etc.


Therapists come 3 times a week, only because he fell last month. He has no pension, only ss. He has a little bit of money like a total of 50k in the bank, so that disqualifies him from 100% Medicaid, which apparently would get him all the care he needs. We can't afford to pay for a full-time healthcare worker and we certainly can't afford to put him in assisted living. He took out a reverse mortgage long ago so no equity in the small home they live in. The overall picture is one we are not sure of how to handle. My main question though is about the urination. I could tell he is frustrated when my mother gets upset, he doesn't mean it but also I see a lack of effort on his part as well. When someone cleans him up or changes him he actually uses less effort yet when forced to get up on his own he can do it.


It's very frustrating I try and Coach him to get up from the chair on his own which he can do if I'm not in the room but if I'm there he'll tell me to help him get up because he can't. So he has a lift chair now and I feel like he's relying more and more on it. my mother has him sleeping in that chair which is also a recliner because in the bed he was waking her up three times a night to hold the urine bottle for him because he couldn't hold it himself and instead would pee all over the place. He's able to get up and pee in it many times I've seen it but lately he's getting sloppy and not making it in the bottle and it's getting all over the floor and all his pants then has no problem laying back down the recliner with soaked pants. I know much of it is his effort but I'm considering an external catheter for him but it appears you have to put a new one on everyday and with my mother's arthritis she would have trouble and his dexterity is pretty low if he can't get his penis in the plastic bottle I certainly don't see him able to put on a condom like device. I'm also afraid that if he starts using that then he will never get up from the chair and that will be pretty much the end of his mobility. Just don't know what to do here with this current problem, as well as the big picture.

Please know that after years of training it’s intrinsic to your dad that it’s wrong to wet himself. He’s humiliated and feels shame for this to happen. That’s why he says it’s okay. It’s not going to get any better. My dad is in the same position. He uses a bedside urinal, but there are frequent mess ups. He walks with a slow, shuffling gait and certainly can’t make it to a bathroom in a hurry. After spending a fortune with a urologist and having many tests, often invasive and borderline cruel, we know his bladder is simply worn out. The only answer is adult absorbent briefs. Please don’t add to the humiliation by calling them diapers. We order my dad's from Amazon and handle it quietly and with dignity. My dad can change them himself, at least for now. Side note, when he’s had any of the catheter type devices, he’s immediately gotten a UTI, so that’s not an option for him. I hope you’ll all make peace with this, there are worse hurdles to overcome
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