My father just died on March 6, 2018. His wife, my stepmother, has been treating me like I don't matter and is rude to me. - AgingCare.com

My father just died on March 6, 2018. His wife, my stepmother, has been treating me like I don't matter and is rude to me.

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She is over talking me. How can I find out if its still my right to have what my dad wanted me to have?

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Your stepmother just lost her husband. She probably doesn’t know what day of the week it is as he just passed on the 6th. 

From what you’ve said, you and your stepmom’s relationship is already tarnished. I am hoping you really didn’t initiate an inquiry as to  your inheritance with your stepmother at such a sad time. But if you did & now feel she is being rude and cold towards you, can you take a step back & give her the benefit of the doubt, as she just suffered a major loss.

Maybe send her flowers or something just for her. Offer your services if she needs errands to be done.

Sorry that your father has passed.  
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Reply to Shane1124
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Surprised step mom could give anything away at this point. In NJ, a will Can't be probated until 11 days after death. Once it's probated, then all beneficiaries and interested parties need to be contacted by mail telling of the probate. You should be able to see the will at the probate office. It's now public record. If you r mentioned the executor has to make sure you get your inheritance. If they don't comply then you can complain. It takes a while to probate depending on the size of the estate. And like said, Dad could have left everything to his wife, which is how it is usually done. It's up to her how she wants to distribute his personal belongings.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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She sent you that message before or after you asked her about the will?

Assuming it was after, then I hate to say it but you have seriously upset and offended her. Too late now. But if you want things to be better you will have to apologise for bringing up the estate questions too soon, and for questioning her about the items she handed over to your sister.

The sister, by the way, who lived in the house and was there the whole time. I wasn't going to mention that, but you really want to understand why your stepmother favoured her? Because she was there.

There could be all kinds of reasons why your stepmother was as she was when your father was in the hospice. People there are bound to be under stress, everyone has to deal with that as best they can, and that was her way. I don't think anyone can judge what another person is feeling in that kind of situation. And anyway, what are you saying? That after a 30 year + marriage your stepmother just wanted her husband to die quicker so she could get rid of his truck?

Look, this is just a terrible, terrible time. Ignore the part about "never call me again, have a nice life." Just give it a few days, then take some flowers or a pie round and say sorry.

Or not. Whatever works best for you. And hugs from me whatever you decide to do.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Sidsdaughter, when it comes to a person who knows death is coming, it could have been your Dad's choice to move to a hospice facility where he would get 24 hour care. Caregiving is not easy, very exhausting, so your Dad wanted to ease the burden for your StepMom.

I need to do some tough love here, your Dad died on March 6th, and on the 11th you were worried about the Will? Think about how that looks to the family. Give your StepMom some time to grieve as she just lost the love of her life, no wonder she was upset.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Thanks for your responses. Im so confused as why my stepmom while my dad was dieing and after his death last week she was so mean to me. It was like my dad was not dead soon enough to her. She was impatient cold hearted to my dad as he lay there dieing. she didnt want him in the home with hospice either she wanted my dad to go to a hospice facility and die. Every i say or do is wrong in her eyes. I have just let her be. She sent me a message and told me never to call her again and have a nice life.
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Reply to Sidsdaughter6
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Your father's will, if any, is a legal document which instructs the family what to do with his estate, if any.

How your stepmother disposes of his personal effects, unless they were specifically itemised in his will or are of significant cash value AND form part of the estate, is up to her.

These are two different issues.

I'm sure you are hurting, you've just lost your dad and you would like to have things of his to hold onto. Again, I'd suggest you give it a little time. I'm sure everyone is finding this painful.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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My stepmom gave my dads boat,truck rings personal items to my sister and her two sons, my sister lives with my stepmom and lived with dad until his passing.My sister has always treated me bad she is jealous of me.( she is 52yrs) She is controlling, story teller about every thing in life.Im 53yrs and a tollally different person.Im to nice easy going and i guess i espect every one should the same.I should no better.Im hurt that i have just been thrown out like garbage and never really mattered.
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Reply to Sidsdaughter6
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Sidsdaughter6, so sorry for your lost of your Dad.

When my Mom had passed away, everything went to Dad which is usually the normal way Wills are set up.

And since your Dad and StepMom had been married for 30 years, it would make sense everything would go to her.

Has the Will gone to Probate yet?

Please note inheritance isn't a right, it's a gift. How close were you to your Step-Mom over the past 30 years?
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Reply to freqflyer
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If you stand to inherit something, you'll hear about it. Can you find out who the executor is? Since your Step mom survived your dad, likely she inherited everything. That is not uncommon. Seems unfair, but that could be what happened.

30 years is a pretty long marriage. Could be that dad really wanted to make new wife happy--or he truly didn't leave you anything. That happens.

The new will supersedes all previous wills. The only way you'll get something, is if your SM decides to be nice and give it to you. She probably has NO legal responsibility to give you anything. I'm sorry. But this happens all the time. (No consolation, I know).
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Reply to Midkid58
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You couldn't have given it a week?

Take deep breaths.

I'm sorry for your loss of your father. Take a little time to let things settle down, first of all.

When they have, then it is time to ask courteous, sensible questions about your father's will.

Was the joint will which your father and stepmother made thirty years ago updated?
If so, what replaced it?
Could you see it, please?

If that doesn't work, and if you can't see obvious ways in which your father's assets - money, valuables, other property - might have dwindled to nothing over the years leaving no estate worth mentioning, then you will have to take legal advice. But not right now. Give your stepmother a chance.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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