Any strategies to stop this?

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I hope you aren't their plan for caregiving.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to CTTN55

You say you are taking care of Mom. As asked are either showing signs of Dementia. If so, do you have POA for each of them?

If Dad has no problems then you need to sit him down and explain when the money is gone, you will not be supporting them. If either needs to be placed it will be in a NH on Medicaid. Not some nice Assisted Living that they would have the money to be able to afford. Tell him you will not be physically caring for them.

If Dad is suffering from a Dementia, I hope you have POA. Dad should be declared competent by the terms of the POA. Once that is done, then you take over. You shut down his credit cards. You make it so he can't use his accts.

Mom, I would consult with a lawyer to see how you can secure her half of the assets.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to JoAnn29

Your strategy should be reminding them that if all their money is gone, if and when the time comes that they will need outside help, or even placement, that they will be on their own, and will have to apply for Medicaid, as you will not be the one stepping up to help.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to funkygrandma59

On what is your father spending the money? Is he buying things that could be sold later to recover at least a portion of the money?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to jacobsonbob

kft4502, you mentioned in your profile that your Mom is 85 years old, so I assume your Dad is around that age, too. Curious, what type of overspending is your Dad doing?

Do your parents have a financial Power of Attorney? If yes, sounds like it is time for that person to step in, and slowly start taking over the finances for your parents.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to freqflyer

Maybe I am wrong but I think you are asking for information on the aspect of strategies or where to turn when you start to see them making unsafe choices for themselves?

Have either of them shown signs of cognitive or memory changes where you are becoming concerned that maybe they will not be able to make good choices for themselves in the future?

Maybe a little more info will allow others here be able to give you ideas of where they had to start when they began seeing these type of changes.
I had to help my Mom after her stroke - she was no longer independent or able to do so therefore my situation was different - The hospital wrote up a letter for me to be able to start getting moms accounts etc in order. But many here have had to speak with doctors - get guardianship etc and will be better able to guide you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Momheal1

What does your Mother say about this situation?

What's Dad's deck of cards like? Still playing will all his cards or no?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Beatty

You don't say if your parents are mentally competent or not. It's time for a wake up call. Are all their legal papers in order - durable POA, Healthcare Proxy, Will/Trust? If not, contact a well regarded elder law attorney and do it asap. That alone will spur talks and be a lesson in what they have, and what they may need for the future. If all the legal papers are already in place, then perhaps get in an insurance person to tell them about the costs of long term care policies. That will sober them both up! Sometimes all it takes is more education about finances from a professional who can explain in layman's terms how important it is to budget for elder care.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to NYCmama
TouchMatters Aug 9, 2021
Thanks. They may not understand enough to 'sober' up.
Hopefully, the daughter will investigate needed changes asap.
Gena / Touch Matters
Make sure that your dad hasn't been scammed. If he has a phone and a computer, then chances are that he has. Recently, there has been a major crackdown on fake call centers in India, AKA scam centers. There's not much you can do to stop your elderly parents from being scammed, but there is a lot you can do to retrieve their money and stop any more money from going out. You're going to need his bank statements to see where his money has been going. Get them asap. Make him get his statements if you don't have any control over his assets, and if you don't I recommend you get control immediately.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Hiimwes
NYDaughterInLaw Aug 9, 2021
"there is a lot you can do to retrieve their money" Really? Do tell!
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You need to monitor all accounts, incl re-creating passwords (i.e., Block him for using specific accounts.)
Are you the POA? for finances?
Are either of them diagnosed with dementia? If you have MD diagnosis, take to bank and put a limit on the daily amount available ($100, $20 ? none ?)

Even if you aren't the POA, you need to take some actions immediately.
Be 'ready' for your father to react accordingly -- upset, mad, having a tantrum, confused. This is natural, whether he has dementia or not - independence is being taken away and this is the most difficult aspect - for the person declining - to understand and accept. I might be the same way . . .
Gena / Touch Matters
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to TouchMatters

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