My father is in a care center & he has dementia- How do I help him understand all his money is gone paying for Medicaid? - AgingCare.com

My father is in a care center & he has dementia- How do I help him understand all his money is gone paying for Medicaid?

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He's insisting his neighbors have stolen all his money. I'm his son & POA. I know no one has taken his money.

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The care center my Dads at should be very clear on the common issues of a dementia patient's. What I seem to feel is, they use any outbursts as a reason to add/increase meds! My Dad has little of his own mind left & what I see is they want to take that away from him. They would be happy to have my Dad in a " vegetative state " and they want him to be in that state for as long as possible, extending his life by any and all means- income?
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the care center (not sure what kind of living arrangement that is sorry) should understand that elderly people have these issues? I know at my moms AL facility its pretty much a normal day to hear these types of things

I heard a male resident the other day. he stated he was looking for his brother because the brother owed him money.

I know it would be embarrassing to be accused. but facility should be used to that.
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Reply to wally003
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I just received information that my Dad (confirmed dementia) continues to state (at times) my son-me & at other times his neighbors have stolen all his money!? I had to justify every penny to get Medicaid. The care center continues to reflect on this as if I did!? How can deal with this?? A son bewildered by all this!
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Well I'm going to work on getting boat plans &work with Dad iin hopes that will distract his thoughts of getting out of the care center. I'll keep in touch. Thanks desperately trying to get Dad at ease.
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I actually do this with my 10 year old grandson who is on the autism spectrum. His dream is to build a restaurant complex. He loves for me to sit with him and draw all the facets of building the restaurant, even the menu! It’s fun!
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Again thank you all for your response & ideas. This has very difficult for me. My father is in Iowa & I'm living in Arizona. Impossible for us to be together. Getting into his delusion of building a boat is the ideal solution (at this time)? It might help in getting his mind off his surroundings. Though I don't think his capabilities are going to improve? He's to blind to see a pc/tv screen (so I'll work on mailing plans). He wasn't expected to live weeks (that was a year ago)? He needs 24hr nursing care. He just doesn't believe he does???
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Jeannegibbs...perfect answer! Go along, stall. The planning will be interesting and fun. Assuage his money fears, even with doctored numbers if needed. This will be a therapeutic Plan, not just a fib. This will be a very loving project.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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yeah any kind of fib you can tell them is how you gotta do it. its sad but you cant talk "sensible talk". cant talk "reasonable talk"

you have to be ready to squirm out of situations. after sometime, you will be a pro!

I still catch myself trying to reason with my mom. sometimes I just stop, and say lets go for a walk! (even if person in wheelchair, if youre able to push)

if we just sit in her AL room then all kinds of uncomfortable conversations start to come up. now my moms train of thought is so broken, its gotten easier to change the subject.
at first I felt so bad telling "lies". its very unnatural to look parent in the eyes and say something untruthful.
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Reply to wally003
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Ah, desperate and bewildered son, I see your dilemma! It is one thing to convince him he doesn't have to worry about finances, but quite another to not give him the money he wants.

Therapeutic fibs are still the way to go.

Focus on the non-financial aspects of the situation. He needs to get his strength back so he can walk again before he can leave the center. Then you can look at his finances.

Or get into his fantasy. "Let's make the plans first, and leave your money earning interest until you are ready." Can he see well enough to view enlarged screen pictures? Maybe you can view various kinds of boats online and discuss which would suit him. And then perhaps come up with some rough costs of what it would take to build one like that. Or research with him what kind of permits he would need. Or figure out where he could rent space for the building project. You're not turning him down, and you are sharing his interest, but you are not handing over non-existent money!

If he changes his mind to, say, restoring an old mill or church or something to live in, get into it with him and research all the details. Where is the nearest old building that might be suitable, etc.

With limited vision and hearing, these kinds of discussions will be challenging, but no more difficult that try to explain his financial situation, and a lot more fun.

It will do him good to be taken seriously.
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Thank You ALL so much, the information I've been given in the 13 months my Dad has been ill. Guess I should have completed my question. He wants this money to leave the care center. He is really insistent on it! Today his idea is to build a boat and live on it. He is legally blind, very hard of hearing, can't walk or stand on his own. He also has a permanent catheter/with bag attached. A Very bewildered desperate Son.
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