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My father is an alcoholic and has been spending his money like crazy. He has racked up about 40,000 dollars in credit card debt that he won't pay. He also has not planned for his own funeral. My mother has had a stroke and desperately needs to go to a nursing home. I work and live in another state. My daughter is a PhD candidate and does not have time, and my father is drunk and hard of hearing and can't even take care of the cat much less my mother. What can I do to get him to stop spending money so that she can go to a nursing home? He has also been beating her and has been turned into the Adult Protective Services. They did nothing and the hospital knowing that he had been turned in to APS released her into his care. She was home 3 hours before she was back in the emergency room.

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Something wrong here when they are aware of APS, release her, and she is right back. I would think the hospital has an obligation to call in the authorities to protect Mom. Hate to say it, but you need to get guardianship. Maybe under the circumstances u can get emergency guardianship. Then you can put her into a NH. Then work on getting Medicaid. You may have to take family leave to accomplish this.
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kayimm62 Nov 8, 2018
I am looking into a guardianship right now. We are going to try to get the durable power of attorney over her affairs right now and get her to a nursing home.
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Do you know why he doesn't want her in a nursing home? Depending on the state they live in, she may be able to qualify for Medicaid and he can keep most of the spousal money. (That should encourage him to cooperate.) So if he's worried that he can't afford a nursing home maybe that will help. You might want to look into moving her closer to you if that's possible. People in nursing homes do better if family members can drop in frequently to assess their care.

I also would write to the hospital and express my opinions on the discharge of a seriously disabled woman into the care of someone investigated by APS. Maybe if they know someone is watching, their legal department will weigh in on the quality of her next "safe discharge".
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MACinCT Nov 9, 2018
A lot of times the spouse depends on the extra social security check to feed the addiction.
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You need to protect your mom. You can not change your dad. He is a drunk, no body can!

Call the cops on him. Complain to APS. Do what JoAnn29 states.

Your mom is helpless and has no voice. You have to be her voice.

I don't get along with my mother and most the time I don't even like her. But as God is my witness, I would go after anyone that would hurt her. I would have to repent for 3 days to a week. Lord help me!
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Ask your mother if she will sign for you to be her POA.
Can you call the police? How do you find out she has been beaten, is in the ER?
Whoever is calling you should call the police.
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kayimm62 Nov 8, 2018
I called Adult Protective Services who also involve the Sheriff's department. They can't do anything if she won't own up to it in Nevada.
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You know he beats her and you haven't called the police?

Why would you expect anyone else to care more for your mom than you do?

I know that will offend some but I don't care. When anyone is to busy to protect a vulnerable human being, well I can't say what I would like to.
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Ahmijoy Nov 8, 2018
I totally agree. Everyone there seems to be too busy with their own lives to do anything but post on an anonymous site and ask what to do. Poor mom. Sad.
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