My father is a HOARDER, from food to tools, etc... Perhaps dementia?

A professional such as a social worker usually has to come there and work with the hoarder as it is a mental illness.

“He keeps the spaces he doesn’t use fairly clean.”

That doesn’t sound like a hoarder. They kind of fill up any space they have.

“.. BUT, boats, cars, trucks, food (COSTCO)...”

That’s most men! Since, he’s using those vehicles, I’m guessing he’s pretty active and that’s a good thing. With regards to unkempt places, maybe, he’s tired or didn’t get the time or just a procrastinator. Can you hire a help to clean them out on a periodical basis?

“He lives alone”.

That’s the crux of the problem! Some repeatedly try and fail miserably to replace people with things. Can you arrange a date or take a vacation together? A place away from home may instill a fresh perspective on life. You can’t change anyone’s behavior, but you can avail new opportunities to them to induce such a change.

“If he can’t FIND something he HAS, he just buys another..”

If he doesn’t have the time to bother searching and has money to throw around, what’s the issue? It’s not ideal, but not a big issue. It more looks like an organizational problem. Again a maid would help.  If you’re doubting a memory issue like dementia or Alzheimer, arrange for a brain scan to rule it out. 

“How do I approach this issue when he “Feels” the items are “worth” something even if he doesn’t use them or they go BAD, (food)..”

How about once in few months, suggest a yard sale or guilt him into a food donation drive and clean the place out?

My mother-in-law is what we call a neat hoarder. She puts things from toilet paper rolls and tissues in boxes and then stacks the boxes up in her 3 bed room house. Lucky for us she is staying in our house for now and we can control what she tries to save. Twice a week one of goes to her house and sorts through boxes and throw things away that have no value. She also can't drive and is a home tv shopper but we don't have those channels on our TV. (so she thinks) and did I mention she too has dementia to?

Small steps. There was an article in yesterday's paper that suggested going through related things. For example, sort through sweaters by putting them all together and tossing the ones that don't bring joy. You know what I mean. But instead of going room by room, go category by category. That's what I am doing. Jewelry is next, then photos. My father, who has dementia, could not do this by himself. He can't find anything right in front of him. Nor will he be interested in doing this with me, even though it will make his life easier.

I can relate to the question and all the responses. Mom is going on 96 and has been hoarding probably since my brother and I moved out after high school and college! Once our rooms were vacant, they became available for stuff, and once they were full, it just started filling up the rest of the house. This is a 4B/3b 4200+/- sf house. Mostly, it isn’t garbage, per se, most of her collections of stuff are boxed and marked what’s in it. Some things still out in the open. Brother and I don’t know what to do. She has 10-20-30 year old newspapers and clippings that has “good information”! When brother tries to get rid of anything, she has a fit.
At this point, he and I have talked about not upsetting her. At her age, she’s becoming much more forgetful. She doesn’t drive. My brother does all the grunt work since I do not live in the area any longer. He goes over to her house daily. He cares for her meals, her meds, her doctor visits, etc, etc.............. We will have to call in a specialist! ...for her and the house. Also my brother and I both have a tendency, he more than me, but my husband helps me stay in control. Brother is a single guy, so he’s basically a runaway train!

My mother was a hoarder what I did for her kitchen and my dad tools that was left I told her that we could place them in a box and that I could cal some people to come over to see what we could sell and it took a while but I manage to make it work.

Hoarding is a disorder fraught with loads of denial. They will watch the Hoarding TV shows and say, "At least I'm not that bad," though frequently they are. I am an adult child of a hoarder. (We even have a Facebook group!) Hoarding comes in all varieties. The one that may be of interest here is Diogenes Syndrome. Here is a Wikipedia link. It's also known as senile squalor syndrome. wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes_syndrome. Also here is a link for diagnosis of hoarding levels. There are five levels, just like for tornadoes. My mother was a level 3 hoarder while I was young, then a level 4 when I was in college. By the time she passed away she was a level 5, with dead animals hidden places waiting "to be buried." So it can get VERY serious. You have to draw lines and pick your battles. But do your research. Here are the five levels: post-gazette.com/local/north/2010/12/02/Levels-of-hoarding-some-guidelines-for-recognizing-the-problem/stories/201012020349. There are a number of graphs/charts on line that are easier to print/read.

Ra Bonn I agree with you but I'd like to add that when doing the donating take a pix on cell phone preferrably with the logo of the charity visible & them in forefront to remind them of their generosity - this could short cut some arguments later

You have to ask yourself if the hoarding has been his entire adult life or if it's something new. If it's new, is it the result of trauma?? Also, some seniors hoard certain things although they don't have dementia, and some people with dementia do hoard as a symptom.

Don't know if this helps...depends on how bad it is of course...if it's very very bad, like boxes piled in hallways, etc, hoarding can be like an addiction for some people. And many addictions (most actually), relates to an underlying unhappiness or pain or shame or even fear! The unhappy emotion causes the person to want to do something to hide or numb the feeling...in this case, it's getting and holding onto objects. Gosh this world is full of stress & traumas on each of us, it's just how we manage that.

So my thought is, I totally agree with the others in not trying to "change" the behaviour. Rather, if the hoarding is very bad, (like there's no room to move in the house ), keep spending quality time with your father listening, try to see any underlying unhappy memory/thought. (Not saying you have to be there daily, just when you do spend time with him next) it'll take some time of course.

My father grew up in a poor family in a third world country until he was 14yrs old, then he went to China on his own which wasn't first world conditions either. So while he likes to hoard a little (not food fortunately), I see that as his thinking he "might need that later", which relates to the deep lack of things he had when he was younger. So yes, each person is different.

And they do have that right to hold onto their things that brings them good memories ;) or...bring them peace of mind on other case... (even if the house is messy!)

Good luck.

I watch Hoarders on television---and according to them, and the therapists on there---hoarding is usually because a person has OCD---don't know if there's a medication for that category!!?? They are usually depressed, and a lot of times some major trauma sets it off. I have OCD and years ago I was addicted to the Home Shopping networks! I take an antidepressant, and I'm not addicted to them anymore. I use to take Celexa---now I take Zoloft. It's genetic(I believe). It isn't the same reasons for everybody. They usually need therapy. Good luck, and GOD be with you and your loved one.

My mom was the exact opposite. She sold off most of our family heirlooms even though she didn’t really need the money. She also threw away photo albums with photos of my great-grands that are irreplaceable. Depression glassware, jewelry, my grandparent’s mantel clock...you name it. It’s gone. I’m not sure what’s worse, hoarding or minimalism!

Reminds me of the saying ‘use it up, wear it out, make do or do without’. Those who lived through that era had to do just that. Pick your battles - yes. In the end, what is more important. - the stuff or your relationship? Enjoy them while they are still here; keeping them safe is higher priority....my opinion. The ‘stuff’ can be dealt with later.

You cannot change this. Their attachment to things seem strange and irrational. With my dad, I started bringing my own heavy duty trash bags with me. I’d collect all food and medications that had expired put them in my bags, put it in the trunk of my car and throw it out from my house. I did this because, even at 94 and 95 years old, he would retrieve this stuff from his trash receptacles after I left! It was an ongoing battle. House keepers didn’t last long because he wouldn’t let them throw things away or clean certain rooms. Dad cried one day and told me I was throwing away his life... everything he had ever worked for. And this was about 30 year old cans of paint!! But it was time for dad to move to an assisted living facility anyway. So once we moved him, we were able to start throwing stuff out and get organized for an estate sale. Dad had already picked out everything that he could take with him. As far as his mechanics tools and wood working equipment, we had him assign these things to family and friends. Once this was done we were able to get a “reputable” estate sale company in to sell everything else. Their fee was 10% of everything sold. After the sale they brought in a very large dumpster (brought by a semi truck) and they disposed everything that did not sell. However, before the stuff went in the dumpster, I found a company that gave us a price for everything that didn’t sell like dinette, lamps, tables, Knick- knacks. Surprisingly enough we filled that massive dumpster! (Its was the largest construction type). I don’t know if any of this helps or not. But I certainly understand what you’re going through. If there is anyway you can get him out of the house for a few days while you dispose of things, it really does help. Just know he’s going to be mad and say mean things. And if he’s going to continue living in the same place, you will be doing this several times a year. It’s takes a professional and many, many years to modify this type of hoarding behavior. So he’s likely not going to change no matter what you say. Best of luck!

Went through this with my dad. From medications and food to cans of paint that were 40 yrs old! What I found after I would throw these things in the trash is the next time I was at his house... these items miraculously found there way back in! Dad would literally pull them out of the trash receptacles! So I brought big heavy construction bags, filled them and put in my trunk and put in my trash! When we got to his garage and sheds it was much more difficult. So I called in a company that specializes in organizing and disposal. It really helped. Dad was not a hoarder like in the shows you see. One day he cried and said I was throwing away everything he had ever worked for. He had attached memories to everything and he cried and had a few panic attacks. He was 95 when I did this and we were trying to get his house to a state that we could have and estate sale and put his house on the market. So we decided to find an assisted living facility first. Once we got him to choose all the items he wanted to take with him and had him basically assign his mechanical tools and wood working tools to his loved ones, we were able to make some progress. He was living at the assisted living facility when we organized and trashed stuff. So that helped a lot. Then we had a “reputable” estate sale company come in and sell everything and their fee was 10%. The next week we had a cleaning service come in. Then we put his house in the market. His house got a cash offer for 10k less than our ask and within 16 days of listing it it’s was sold and the new owners took possession. God certainly was smiling on us through it all.

Throw away rotten food on the sly — and give up on the rest. Hoarders don’t want help. They think everyone else is the problem. If you make the “mistake” of one too many kind gestures or common-sense suggestions, you instantly become the enemy.

Focus on your own mental health, not theirs. Because it is difficult as h*ll to Keep On Caregiving after the person who taught you how to tie your shoes and celebrated your good grades (etc etc) makes it clear that he/she values towers of junk mail & 10-year-old catalogs and rooms full of clothes more than he/she values you. It sucks and it hurts.

Grit your teeth and turn a blind eye now. Rent a dumpster when Dad moves to residential care or moves on to the afterlife.

Salyer loads of advise above, when I read it I understand that each case is different and we do not know why someone hoards, collects or ? My mom is a true hoarder, i can pull something out of a corner and she will say why she has it, ie thats Bobs favorite sweat shirt, i won that at the fair the 4th year i went and so on, doesn't matter that the sweat shirt can longer be worn, all stretched out, holes, faded, to small, she is keeping it. I spent 6 weeks trying to help her get the 900 square foot house clean so her husband could come home safely from hospital/skilled nursing stay. In all that time I got bedroom, bath and kitchen cleaned to the bare walls, he had major stomach surgery and I was concerned about 25 years of accumulation putting his health at risk. In 2 days she had stuff stacked back around, I knew it was clean and had to say "it's enough" whatever the why behind their actions only God knows, so I just picked my battles, fought hard and hey, someone has to loose the war. I was glad to have those areas clean and she did not have to get rid of one item she did not want to, oh except all of the expired food. I won that battle, it's been 5 years and I still hear about the pickle relish that I threw out, it was still good even though it was 8 years expired. I just say I know and change the subject. Long winded sorry, just beware that if you force him there will likely be some fall out, prepare to be the bad guy.

Good luck

I can attest to the hard times reason. My grandma and parents lived through WWII. Not in the US where the hardship was not having sugar for coffee. But in the war where the hardship was trying to stay alive everyday. Grandma especially is kind of a hoarder. Not random things but survival things. Food, water and of course... toilet paper. ;) That's why she only uses one square and folds it into fourths getting poop all over her hands. It's not dementia. She can't stand wasting it. I got her a safe years ago to keep her jewelry and money in. She doesn't keep any of that useless stuff in there. She keeps food and TP. Water she keeps in random bottles, jars and pots scattered around her room.

My mom is a "saver", as was her father before her. She was born during the Great Depression, and was taught that there was value in saving and reusing everything... glass jars, boxes, scraps of paper, plastic containers, etc. Honestly, growing up, I had lots of fun making crafts out of the things she saved. And, there are times when it saves money because she usually has something on hand. BUT, I entirely relate to how frustrating it can be. My mom is always really nervous when I start to organize her things. She is so afraid I will throw something away. I honestly have learned to just live with it, and try to keep it as clean as possible. She is unable to drive anymore, so that helps. But, it may just be a generational thing. We live in a "throw-away, buy-another" age, so we really don't have to save anything these days (which is actually kind of a shame because we waste a lot). But, I can relate to your frustration.

I have seen where people throw out a hoarder's treasures and I don't believe in it. I have stuff that is worthless to anyone but me and I treasure them for the memories they bring. There is no way you can know what (if any) memory is attached to each item. And, so many seniors lived through the depression - hoarding isn't hoarding to them - it's preparing "just in case."

Bad food? Dump it. You can point out mold and even ask him to smell something if he still has his sense of smell.

ie:  I have a tiny $1 Nativity I keep on my windowsill and a plastic angel nightlight - both were purchased by my mother who is now long gone but these are daily reminders of my mother.

The children of the Depression or survivors of rationing ideas are noble-sounding rationalizations.

Recycling and hoarding are not at all the same thing.

Keep in mind that children of the depression tend to hold on to everything forever because they feel it wasteful to get rid of it or think they will need it and have to replace it. You can help by suggesting he donate anything he hasn't used to a worthy cause like homes for vets or habitat for humanity, goodwill etc. Suggest sending excess foods that are not quite expired to the local food bank explaining he can't eat that much of it by expiration date. Also tell him expired foods are no longer safe to eat and can cause botcholism (I know that's misspelled) which will raise eyebrows but he will get it--not safe to eat! Do the year test. Clear out spaces and organize all areas. Anything he has duplicates of get donated. Tools excepted if anything is untouched for 12 months he can easily part with it and not miss it. KEY POINT make this a JOINT EFFORT so he is involved and knows what is going on!! This gives you ammunition when he says his things got stolen, NO YOU Donated them to charity not stolen! I did this with my mother's craft and art supplies and it went very well. She kept SOME but not much of the items and when she said someone stole them I said nope, remember you gave them to your grandson for his art projects! She remembered and it was done.

Hoarding seems to run in my family. My grandfather, my aunt, my sister. In my case it seems to be that I want this thing so that you don't get it. It really is kind of a hopeless situation and I agree with other people who have written The best you can do is make a safe place for them to live in the midst of their hoard. And then when they are no longer here plan to get a dumpster and just toss. Unfortunately it is true that there probably are some things there, some pictures that you might like, and other family momentos that will be lost. It is just a very sad mental illness.

I think there is a difference between hoarding for a "Hoarder" and one that "forgets" they have something, or it "breaks" because they can not figure out how it works and buys another.
There may be a crossover when a "Hoarder" is diagnosed with Dementia I am sure that makes things far worse.
My Husband was ALWAYS one to save things and repair what broke with parts from another of whatever it was. (Bought an old car with a good engine so he could replace the engine in his car then saved the old car for parts to be used later)
There did come a time when he came home with some stuff that I really questioned but he came up with a great reason and followed through. At the time I wondered if something was going on but since he did what he said and followed through I put it out of my mind.
After his diagnosis going through the house I did wonder what he had been doing. A lot of purchases had been made without my knowledge and I wondered how long it had been going on.

So there is a fine line.
In your case you might want to contact his doctor and explain what is going on. Ask that a mini mental exam be given on his next visit as a "routine" part of the exam. Then take it a step further if you want and ask for him to be referred to a Neurologist for further assessment. (Do not take .."He's fine some memory loss is typical at his age" from his doctor)
Make it a habit once a week to see him and go through the pantry, garage and even some of the cars or boats for food that he has stored. Tell him..ya know Dad, I need some pancake mix do you mind if I take this 20 pound bag of yours? Then do what you want with it. If it is within date donate it to a shelter, food pantry or church. Do that with items that have a shorter shelf life. Toss out what can not be used. (Shelters, food pantry and other places will probably not take out dated items.)

No to another question..how is his driving? Should he be driving? If he is not driving maybe you could cancel his Costco membership. He can go with someone but at least his purchasing might be reduced. (If he has membership for use of the pharmacy I am pretty sure that even non members have the ability to use the pharmacy. I am in Illinois and any non member can enter a warehouse club and purchase from the pharmacy.)

Ok... This is sad, but it is what I have observed with many aging folks. They hoard what they perceive to be 'resources'. I guess it is a reaction to the fact that they have identified there is a limited supply of everything in this world (including days to live) and they don't want to 'run' out before they expire only to find themselves 'needing' when they are physically least able to supply for themselves.

My dad hoarded safety equipment - in the NH he had flares, drugs, needles[retired dr], asbestos fire blanket, 8 whistles etc all in case of an emergency - I think this comes from being on a ship that hit an iceberg in 1928 when he was 5 years old - I believe he had a form of PTSD from it - he was probably the last survivor when he died in Aug 2017

Many of our older loved ones were raised in the Depression or just after so they were taught that even a broken item still has use then during WWII there was rationing - if possible find out how his parents thought about keeping things because it could be rooted in his up-bringing as a child & that will be hard to change -

The only thing is to insist on safety so that used cans, kleenexes, food waste etc are discarded otherwise you may be beating your head against a wall

We have found that if an item can be used by someone else, they are more likely to let it go...sometimes. It establishes more of a meaningful connection..."Suzy now has my teapot and really loves it" As for canned goods, we took a black ink large point Sharpie marker and clearly marked the year on front of label to indicate the 'best used by' date. Next step was to collect all the food cans from their various stash locations, sort by type (corn, beans, soup, etc.) and put them on shelving with oldest to the front. At least they were more visible that way. "Oozing" cans - no brainer - gone!

Wow--I feel rather grateful that my mom's dementia has her throwing out too many things. I have to put her name in everything new or she won't recognize it and toss it, even new clothes. I bought her new towels at her request, and a month later, she tossed them. She is a complete "neat freak"--an excess of her lifetime neatness, but now a compulsion.

My Dad was a horder, but I don't think he had dementia. He was becoming forgetful, and he had it seemed like hundreds of cans of soup and every time he went out he would buy more. And he was 85 years old, so it was a losing battle with him.

A few years ago I picked up a workbook-type "Helping the Hoarder in Your Life" or similar title book at the library out of curiosity. It was sadly eye-opening. The author, who was either a social worker or psychologist, basically recommended a strategy of harm reduction, managing, minimizing, as hoarders lack basic insight into their problem and can't really be helped, unfortunately. It was not a hopeful, uplifting read.