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My FIL and his GF have been together for 15 years. They have a toxic relationship, however, she convinced my FIL to sell his home and lie saying she would add him to her mortgage on her new home, which she did not. He is on disability and has had 12 back surgeries. He's very manipulative and tells my husband he will kill himself. Now, he is staying with us. My husband didn't ask me how I felt about it. His own sister won't allow him to move in. This is extremely stressful as we are just recovering from marital problems. We have been married almost 9 years, and we have 4 children. He tells my husband he has 4 dollars in his account and makes us try to feel bad when we don't have extra. Then, he drives around all day smoking weed. I told my husband this can't be permanent. I will leave. Stressed, please offer advise thanks.

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The point is to gather evidence that your husband is enabling his mentally ill, drug abusing father around his kids so it is dangerous for them to live with Dad. Then you divorce and sue for sole custody of the kids so they can't be around dad & his dangerous friends. If you think there's a chance the court will allow the kids to visit, then you stick with him and (don't make more babies) protect them until the last is 18.
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Reply to surprise
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Does your FIL have a medical marijuana card? If he does, calling the cops is a waste of time. Medical marijuana is legal in your state. You’ve got to handle this as a marital problem not a FIL problem. Lay it all out for your husband-either your FIL goes or you & the kids go.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Isthisrealyreal Feb 21, 2019
But even with a card it is still illegal to be driving around smoking it. It is still a DWI. So medical card or not what he is doing is illegal.
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If weed for personal use is still illegal in your state.. offer to "help him help himself" by offering to call the police,,,,because "you just know he doesn't want your kids to get into this" And flush what you find if this doesn't work. I would be dang sure hubs knows this is not acceptable.. unless of course hubs thinks it is and that is another problem,,
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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Honey, you still have marital problems. You are not “recovering” from them. You are a grown woman. You have given birth to children. So, act like it. Nothing good will come from this situation. FIL is a drug addict and a user. Your husband is either afraid of him or just doesn’t care about you or both. Stop hanging around and waiting for things to change. They won’t. If you know FIL is using while he’s driving and he kills someone on the road, I wonder if you could be prosecuted as an accessory because you knew and didn’t report it.

Instead of shipping FIL out to a Secrion 8 apartment, call your local Department of Health and Human Services and get yourself one. Find an attorney (legal aid) and file for divorce. Don’t blame your kids for having to stay together. This situation is toxic for them too.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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It sounds like husband has already made it clear that his wife and children are not his priority. Video the FIL smoking weed around the house and doing his bad behaviors in your home so you have evidence in court when you sue for sole custody and child support. Do this sweetly first, and change all your passwords so no one can delete your evidence.

I'm going to say pack up the kids and go to a nice relative who will take you in. If your family of origin was abusive (why you married this guy) then do you have a nice older aunt, or a grandmother who can help you out until you get child support?
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Reply to surprise
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56, he isn't a man he's a mooch.

I would call 911, tell them he is threatening suicide and driving around impaired and with him threatening to kill himself you fear he may use his vehicle to accomplish this.

Then refuse to allow him back in the house.

Does your husband not care about his children? Because from where I am standing any dad that thought this was an okay role model for children frankly doesn't care about their future.

He has to know that his dad is a manipulator and may be afraid he will actually kill himself, I personally think if you use that for control you're breathing air that someone else needs, shut up and get er done already.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Dad makes enough to go on section 8. There maybe apt complexes near you that are HUDD housing. Where I am they are pretty nice. He will pay about 400 and his electric. Heat/water are included. That will leave him with 800 a month. Should be able to buy food and other things with that. There are food stamps and food closets.

Do not start giving him money. It won't stop.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You can only be used if you allow it to happen. Your husband is allowing it and showing you no respect or regard. Your husband needs to value his marriage over his manipulative dad. If he won’t, you’ll have decisions ahead on how to handle yourself. I wish you the best
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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This sounds like a marriage problem as opposed to a caregiving problem..

I'm not discounting your issues with FIL. Does your husband feel obligated to house and financially support his father? Does he get that you dont want FIL to live with you?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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By the way, my FIL is only 56. Gets over 1200 a mth.
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Reply to Overit123
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paulfoel123 Feb 21, 2019
56!!!! Wow - kick him out.
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