My father in law completes physical rehabilitation therapy next Wednesday. What happens, or does anything, if the care plan they want just can't happen?

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I was able to get him moved to a very nice county nursing home. I got him moved on his 20th day so his advantage plan is paying the coinsurance. That happened on February 8th. I was driving my mom to the cardiovascular doctor to have a probe put in her veins. It’s an hour and a half drive from my moms house we get there, wait an hour and then are told that it takes two weeks for pre auth so we drive back and I then drive another hour and a half to my house to be home for my birthday. On the 9 th my husband got my father in law moved, all good. Monday I drive an hour for my appointment for myself have missed it for almost a year and then I drive to the nursing home to take my father in law to his doctor and his doctor was looking at the second week of March but as I am taking him back my mom calls she has to be hospitalized because her leg and foot are infected so I pack my dog and I and drive the hour and a half. She was worried about her dog first. Does anyone ever feel like your needs or well being don’t matter? I was in a rollover accident on the interstate last fall due to cerebral atrophy due to anorexia for 39 years. My fault but I cannot drive as much as I did. My husband asked why couldn’t my brother check on the dog in the evening and morning and I would regroup and drive down in the morning. She says I’m sorry but making me feel guilty for even suggesting that. Anyway I don’t care what happens if she needs help with bandaging her ulcerative foot she is going to have to get home health when I am not there and then my husband is meeting with the nursing home team and social worker tomorrow and she is going to tell him that he cannot be left alone for 8-9 hours a day and then Friday the Ardc lady is assessing my father in law to see what he is eligible for. 1st problem he currently lives in this county when he is discharged he will move to a different county 45 minutes away from all his friends and doctors and they work all day he forgot to eat for five days and took one dose of his medication I do feel we are a better fit but I think I may be overdoing it we live in the city he has lived in 50 years I don’t work but as you read earlier I basically got home and had to turn around and come take care of my mom. I have to be realistic, I cannot take care of everybody. My mom is my priority but I brought up the fact that he is not going to be able to be by himself for very long and my husband is like well he understands but there is no other option. If he lives at our place we are going to the Bahamas March 1 no matter what, it’s time the others do something. So even if the nursing home tells my husband what he needs and he agrees but there is no way to make it happen. Also even if he is done with physical therapy, are there other criteria that is looked at for medical necessity? Like I said his doctor was looking at the second week of March and he feels he should live with us. But my husband is right, just because we don’t have children and I am on disability doesn’t mean everything is up to us. Me being on disability my health is not good at all. So I am going to try to simplify things. Social worker at nursing home advises family of what the patient needs for his next level of care. What happens or does anything if what they want just cant happen?

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Staff; Right now, you need to take care of YOU. You're not going to be of any use to anyone if you are sick.
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I am totally confused and tired after reading that.
First your FIL is already in a NH, right. Why would he be moved. If you change counties you have to file Medicaid in that county. I don't understand why he can't stay where he is. Where I live in NJ, our rehab and NH are at the same facility. If a family member feels a LO in rehab needs more care than they can give, they have an evaluation done and if facility finding say patient is ready for LTC then after rehab and if a room in available the patient can transfer to the NH. Talk to admissions about the money part. Easier to private pay and go into Medicaid but if no money then maybe they will help u with Medicaid.

A talk with Mom would be a good idea. Explain again your limitations and tell her what u can do and Can't do for her. Her county Office of Aging can give her services they help with. Usually there is a bus that Mom can do shopping and go to appts. Homecare for her wound can be set up thru her doctor. You had your health problem for a reason. Stress could set it off. Once FIL is set up in a home, you can allow their doctor to take over his care. Also figure out what doctors he should keep. NH provide eye doctors and dentists too. Even a podiatrist. That will cut down on most of that responsibility.
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Where is the risk?
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So you think it would be worth the risk
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Why do you think he will be denied if he has no assets and his income is below the Medicaid threshold?

If by chance his income is over the threshold for his state, you have a lawyer do a Miller Trust to divert the excess income to the state.
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He would be self pay we are putting in his application for Medicaid he is in the system they said something about he could stay Medicaid Pending he doesn’t own anything his total income with pension and S.S. is around 1200 we are afraid he will be denied and he has no way of repaying anything
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You say your mom is your priority. Your FIL should be your husband's priority. If FIL moves in with you, then your husband should take care of him. You are disable and in bad health and need to take care of your mom. You should not take on more.
But know that taking care of FIL in your house is a HUGE burden even on a healthy person. It will put a heavy strain on your marriage. Why can't FIL go back to nursing home since he can not be by himself and needs a lot of care?
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