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She hates me refuses to let me visit. My dad wants peace, a very passive man and will not argue with her. I'm simply not allowed to visit, only call once a week. She is 90 in fair health. I hired nursing care for him when he came back from the hospital. She fired them the same day. She's a shrew. I have bent over backwards to care for her and help her thru the years, but when I was alone with her driving her to see dad in the hospital last year, she lied to him telling him untruths about me. His neighbor is my friend and says she can hear her yelling at him sometimes thru the wall. Is there anything I can do? I even went as far as going to her and apolagizing for anything I may have done or said. I made her a special pie with stevia as she has diabetes. Never a thank you, just mean spirited toward me. I wish my dad would stand up to her, but he can't do more or say more than he has. I sense he just wants peace, and has said so.

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At their ages, they may not be able to really care for themselves or each other. Does she have family members who are concerned? I'd get a legal consult to get my options. Reasoning with her may not be productive. People who refuse help when they need it sound unreasonable to me. I'd be concerned and get someone to investigate to confirm that your dad is okay. He may not be able to protect his own best interest.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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I agree, call APS. Tell them what u have said here. They will investigate.

In the meantime, a phone call may have to do. Stay away from her. If not Dementia this woman may have a personality disorder. You will never win. I stopped visiting my MIL alone. She would twist what I said and tell my DH lies. TG he didn't believe her. We are still married after 38 yrs.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Call adult protective services to check on your dad. If she's "yelling," and 90, she may also have dementia. With your dad's significant medical issues, I'd be very concerned that he's not getting the care needed to keep infection and other medical complications from making him worse.
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Reply to BBS2019
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Visit where? At their home? The hospital?

She sounds like a piece of work. I am sorry that you are dealing with this.

Stop trying to please her. She is 90! She isn’t going to change. She sounds so mean.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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