My father has Lewy body dementia. One day he is kind, loving; the next he curses and threatens me. He refuses to see me in assisted living. Any advice?

There is nothing you can do to argue with a disease that involves dementia. Of all the dementia's Lewy's seems often to have the most volatile ups and downs. Call Dad and ask if he's up for a visit. If he is not, that frees your day for your own life. I am glad he is in care. Forcing, arguing, explaining-----? None of that will work. Just get on with your life the best you can, knowing this is not Dad, but the disease talking.
I sure am sorry you're going through this and wish you the best.

Welcome to the world of Dementia, and yes this is normal.

"Lewy bodies affect several different brain regions in LBD: the cerebral cortex, which controls many functions, including information processing, perception, thought, and language. the limbic cortex, which plays a major role in emotions and behavior. the hippocampus, which is essential to forming new memories."

Lewy body as you see plays with the persons emotions. Is Dad medicated for his symptoms? You are going to need to learn to go with the flow and except that the person you knew is drifting away. His brain is dying. Eventually, he will need more than an AL can give him when it comes to care.

Nothing you can do except stop visiting him and do not answer his calls. If he doesn't want to have a relationship with you there is no sense in trying to pursue one.

If you do decide to be abused when he starts on the phone, hang up, when you visit if he starts leave and don't answer the phone or visit him for a period of time.

Take back your power.

Thank you! That is exactly what I am trying to do. When he does call with his accusations and verbal assault (ugh), I tell him I love him and bye. I try to visit, but if he want let me in I try to not get upset. It is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. The constant distrust and accusations are so hard to deal with. He goes from telling me how much he appreciates me to accusing me of stealing all his money! Life is hard.

You can't really 'do' anything if dad is refusing to see you. You can visit him from afar by going to the facility and watching him without his knowledge. Check with the nurse when you get there to see what kind of mood he's in, and if he's receptive to seeing you. Play it by ear, in other words, to determine whether or not you should let him know you're there. Dementia brings lots of moods with it, so you never know what you'll find, or what's 'normal', except that everything is chaotic and ABnormal. I never knew what I'd find when going to see my mother who we thought had vascular dementia. Sometimes she was fit to be tied while other times she was docile and happy to see me.

If you wind up going and find cussing and threatening dad, just leave and tell him you love him in spite of his rancid behavior. Tell him to let you know when HE'D like you to come back for a visit! That's what I'd tell my mom when she was in a particularly crappy mood.

Good luck; I know how dreadful this whole disease truly is. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.