My father has been homeless for several years. He’s had odd jobs here and there but is now unable to work due to dementia. What do we do?

I feel like I need to try to help my brother. As does my mom. So yeah, We are getting sucked in. My brother isn’t understanding that he can refuse to pick him up if he were to be released. I’m just praying they need to keep him until we get word from his social worker what the plan of action is.

Bnb, you are allowing yourself to get sucked into this mess. Back away.

Bnb, some hospitals are what's known as Hill Burton Hospitals. They were constructed with funds pursuant to the Hill Burton Act. A condition of accepting those funds was a commitment to providing care for indigent people who couldn't otherwise pay their bills.

In my experience, some religious hospitals are Hill Burton hospitals.

As to the next placement, please heed the advice you've been given and don't participate in arrangements for your mother to care for him. At this stage of his life, with his medical complications from alcoholism, it would be too overwhelming for her, physically, and emotionally.

Your brother thinks your father needs to live with someone; has brother volunteered? If not, ask him why not.

And, in all fairness, it's inappropriate for your mother to have to care for someone who hasn't taken care of himself. I don't mean to be cruel, but that fact has to be considered.

Is your father still drinking, and if so, how would your mother adapt to this? It's unfair to her to burden her with the complications of lifelong self neglect. Her health would soon be at risk as well.

Let the state handle it. From the history you've written, no one else really is prepared to take on this monumental task.

Yes, in this instance let the state step in. They will get things for Dad a lot faster than you can. They can find him a safe place until this happens. Do not except guardianship it could turn into a lifetime responsibility. You both don't need the headache that goes with it.

Bnb, NO,No, No. Do not let anyone take him, no one!

Just leave him there. THAT WILL EXPEDITE MEDICAID. Tell your brother he is wrong. Make sure Mom does NOT offer to take him. That will be a huge problem for everyone.

You yourself call the Social Services Dept of the hospital. Tell them you want his case worker. She will explain what's going on, stop listening to your brother!

You tell her, he has nowhere to live. She will put your mind at rest.

I should add my brother keeps saying that this will be a process that takes time and that he will have to live with someone until he can get disability/Medicaid. Can’t they speed up the process for emergencies?

My dad is still in the hospital and my mom has decided that he can come stay with her if needed. The doctor says he will need assisted living. Since he has nothing and we have this diagnosis, will they release him from the hospital? I thought previously that having him go to my moms home if needed was a good idea but I feel like the diagnosis of alcohol induced dementia and cirrhosis of the liver is severe enough that he won’t get released. Can they transfer him to assisted living once they get the ammonia level down?

Good, good, good, well not the diagnosis. But he's getting needed care, he's clean, fed and safe!
Congrats on your new baby!
Keep us updated.🤗🌹

(((((((hugs)))))))))))

I believe he has a social worker in the process now. They are doing a psychiatric evaluation tomorrow and working on getting ammonia levels down. The current diagnosis is cihrosis of the liver and alcohol induced dementia. They have a few more tests to work on also. They said he won’t be able to live alone any longer. So he will be going to assisted living at some point. We are just taking it step by step. I’m grateful we just went with our gut and took him to the er. He had been messing with his heater that day and turned the heat up all the way. It was 100 degrees outside and no telling how hot it was in the room he was in. His friend found him sitting in there so confused and hot.

When my friend was admitted to the hospital it wasn't long before they realized there was no insurance. There is an emergency process for Medicaid in some situations. Your Dad's situation sounds so similar the social worker probably has started the process already.

The social work department at the hospital can explain.

Neither you nor your brother is legally responsible for your dad. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Most likely, the state will step in and appoint a public guardian. And apply for Medicaid for him. Don't sign yourself as financially responsible for his medical bills.

If the social worker dept tries to guilt you into signing something by saying " you don't want the state to take guardianship, do you?", you say "Yes, that's Exactly what I want to happen". Explain this to your brother as well.

He drank beer most of the time but it was always a lot. He lived with friends or his father off and on for years. All of which drank hard liquor. I believe he drank that on top of beer. He moved 45 minutes away with this friend and from 2010ish to 2015 we didn’t hear from him much. We heard he was homeless because they would fight and he would get kicked out. And he called me late 2015 saying he was forgetting things and couldn’t keep a job. I urged him to go get help medically and with his alcohol abuse. He threatened me because I wouldn’t come and get him. I knew what he was doing and I had no way to get to him anyway. I had just moved 250 miles away and I had a baby. He ended up getting kicked out by the friend for the last time in 2016. He came back to his home town and my brother let him live with him for awhile but he couldn’t hold a job and was drinking still. Problems persisted. He found a job at a place where they could let him live in their rental in 2017 but they realized after several months he was slowly deteriorating. He got food stamps and seemed to be ok. Not great but able to get to work and do basic things. Now we are here. He spent the last week having severe memory issues and started falling. It became critical yesterday- I had made call after call where to take him and the er was the best option.
The found the ammonia levels. It still doesn’t rule out dementia though. The levels need to be brought down to see if these memory issues alleviate. Since he has had so many issues with homelessness and unable to hold jobs in the past, he has nothing. Financially my brother and I can’t help much. I hope we can get him on disability, Medicaid, etc so he can get care he needs. I feel horrible that I can’t help financially. Just a few weeks in a nursing home or specialist doctor visits would put us under. Same with my brother. I’m not even sure how this er visit will be paid. Any thoughts?

Bnb, I know that feeling of relief! Just knowing he's safe and off the streets puts your mind at rest. Coupled with getting medical attention *whew* that's the icing on the cake!!!

I don't know anything about ammonia. (except never mix it with bleach) 😉smile! At least the hardest part is over!!

Keep updating if it helps you. This is your site too!🤗

Ammonia most likely caused by drinking. There is liver damage that causes ammonia levels to increase to dangerous levels. Been there. It may eventually cause sepsis and dad may experience septic shock. This could likely put him in a coma that he may not come out of. He is very, very sick. This is where you need to step back and let state take responsibility for him. Do not let them guilt you into anything. Do not sign anything for him that could make you financially responsible.

My friend passed at the age of 54 after years of drinking and alcoholism. 

You need to take care of yourself first.

Dear Bnb; thanks for the update! So glad he's getting care! Let us know how this goes; we care!

Acquire services from elder care units and also look for charity communities.

He was admitted to the hospital. They found high levels of ammonia in his blood. They are trying to find out the cause and get that down. Dementia isn’t being ruled out but the high ammonia levels are certainly causing him to have delirium.
I’m happy he’s safe and getting treated.

BNB, this may actually be good news in diguise. If dad spends 3 nights ADMITTED ( Not under observation) in the hospital, he'll qualify for Medicare paid rehab. Don't let him sign himself out until you talk to the discharge planning folks.

And DON'T let them tell you that he's YOUR responsibility. Sometimes social workers try to guilt families into taking elders home when it's quite clear that the elder needs a higher level of care.

Don't be intimidated.

Thank you all for helping me today. My brother had reservations about calling but was willing to go forward. I got advice and was about to call when someone he used to work with reported him out of sorts and very confused today. We have made arrangements to take him to the er tonight. This particular hospital has a senior psych department and will be able to do an evaluation tonight. I strongly believe he will be admitted tonight.

Bnb, your answer is the reason I asked - it's challenging, depressing and frustrating to try to navigate these kinds of situations alone. Actually, it can be overwhelming.

APS is there for a reason, and they can suggestion options. Let them help you through this.

I would have suggested a conference with an elder law attorney, but that would cost you, and APS is free.

Give yourself a break from the stress and anxiety and let an agency supposed to be skilled in intervention provide some assistance for you.

Fear not! No one will get into any trouble. We don't live under dictatorship in this country. The government can not tell us we have to care for other people. No way. Just like he can choose to be homeless, you can choose not to help.

However, you are helping.,.you are calling for help now. That's the best you can do. The reality is none of you, family nor friends, has the means or ablity to assume his care.

Don't let that stop you from calling. That would be selfish. It would mean your concern for yourself is greater then your concern for him.

No one will fault you nor judge you, for letting him do his own thing for all these years. Again, he has the right to make bad life choices.

Make the call, you will sleep so much better.

With Dad’s history and your efforts to help him I really don’t think you could be held accountable. He obviously has mental issues and addictions. You haven’t abused him and they can’t prove neglect because he’s not your legal responsibility.

Absolutely call APS. Don’t stew over it any longer. You need to act now. And no matter what, don’t let them force you to take him in, even with home health care promised. I can hear through your words that you care about him and you will feel guilty if you don’t get him help and something happens.

I haven’t yet. I’m trying to figure things out. We are unable to pay for anything for him. And we are doing our best trying to figure out what to do.

Bnb, have you contacted APS yet? You're going to need the intervention of a government type authority to create some level of care. This situation is too complex for a private individual to handle; the authority has to be able to access governmental help and ASAP.

You can also reach out to the local police and ask them to keep your involvement private.

I agree. I don’t want to do that to her.
I’m in Missouri and there is a hotline. My concern is that we would be in trouble for not caring for him. We’ve been trying but keep hitting road blocks. He’s been homeless or living with other people for years. I’ve not had contact with him other than by phone. I urged him to seek help 4 years ago but he never did. I was living 200 miles away with out a way to get to him. Now he’s living in the same area at a home provided by his former boss. I don’t want to get them in any trouble either. Everyone’s been trying to get things organized but it’s just not working. This person has decided they can no longer help, so he’s going to be homeless in 2 weeks. 

Absolutely call them. They will put him in the hospital, assess and treat him. He will get Medicaid. They will apply for him. Then he will be put in a state runned care facility. He is an indigent person, and the state must care for him. All this was done with my Dad. We don't know who called but someone did.

Please don't put this on your Mom. Mine would have killed him in his sleep...lol...not kidding.

My brother and I can’t take guardianship over him. Financially we just can’t do it. He also has nothing. Where he is staying has given him 2 weeks to figure out where to go. We have asked my mother to take him in (they’ve been divorced almost 30 years). I’m thinking that calling adult protective services is the right choice. Where to they take him if we do that? To a hospital? Will he get the medical attention he needs? 
We’ve been trying to do so many different things to get him medical care but have hit road blocks. If my mom took him in we could have more time but she’s really not liking the idea and will probably not allow it. He can’t live with either one of us either due to no room or our spouses oppose it. 

Sounds like my Dad.,😔

My Dad used to go to his sister's house, feet all torn up and bloody. He'd walk from City to city, county to county!

His sister would always make sure he had good shoes and socks. But he'd show up bare foot and bleeding every time. Which was every fews months or so.

Turns out he'd give his shoes to other homeless, shoeless guys. He seriously said, someone is always worse off then him. 🙄

Bnb129s, Ahmijoy's ideas are good. Assuming your dad is diagnosed with dementia and needs a guardian, if you or your brother or both of you are willing to serve as his guardian, your state's legal aid office or your county's guardianship court may be able to help you with that process at no charge. Best wishes.