My father is in his late 70's, lives alone in the family home. My mother died many years ago and never found anyone else. His health and mobility has now started to decline, with regular falls but refuses to accept it. He thinks he manages at home but he doesn't. I've offered to pay for a cleaner to help but he will not accept it. He's not far off the point of needing carers but his stubborn attitude is his down fall. My siblings and I have all spoken with him on numerous occasions that he should sell up and move into a bungalow or a sheltered housing place for company. He will not as he doesn't want to leave the very few friends he has (who he rarely sees from one week to the next) and he insists the house is for our inheritance. All of us agree that we don't want it and would much rather he used the money on himself. He's reluctant to contact grandchildren believing its their responsibility to contact him as he is the grandfather, doesn't see it as a two way thing. Any form of advice from us he never listens too even though he asks, I'm sure it's an I'm the parent you are still the child situation. My brother lives very close but I am always the one my father calls. We have also encouraged him to change his car, to an automatic, as he is becoming a danger but again he refuses as sees no issue. He comes round my home nearly every evening, he's there when I arrive home from work and doesn't go till 8pm. I feel trapped. If I'm not at home when he thinks I should be he calls me numerous times, if I don't answer he starts calling my older children. If I go out I have to tell him in advance so he doesn't come over, I feel 12 again and I resent that, I'm a grown woman. I can't just be spontaneous! He regularly asks me to message him when I arrive at places and when I return, which I don't!! On the odd occasions I do go on holiday I get comments like "well I'm sure I will be ok for a few days but it will be lonely with no visitors".
I feel he's very selfish and lacks insight into my life, he doesn't see coming round my house loads as an issue as he regularly tells me he is lonely and I don't know what it's like!! I'm at my whits end, I work for the NHS and know what is available to him in the area but he refuses to acknowledge any of it but continues to say he is lonely. I've lost all sympathy for him and it hurts me as his daughter and I love him but I feel all this is of his own doing. He's so negative and miserable all the time and I don't look forward to seeing him. My children either go out or go to their rooms when he is round. My siblings are very supportive but he doesn't involve them half as much as he does me. Last night i nearly had a panic attack as i knew it was getting near the time he was coming round and I felt trapped!! I managed to control it but I felt awful. I liken it to my emotionally controlling ex who was very similar in wanting to know where i was and what I was doing, who I was talking to! The feelings of back then are resurfacing. I'm not even 40, my children are at an age where they don't need me as much and I want my freedom not my elderly father controlling my time. I'm stuck in that trap that has been mentioned many times, guilt plays a huge part! I know he's becoming frailer every day yet he refuses to acknowledge it and I feel guilty about wanting my life.
Sorry for the rant