He eats two meals a day. Well three if you count his toaster strudel and coffee in the mid morning. The lunch where he usually makes cereal. I try once in awhile make him something but he usually just takes a bit or two then throws it away. Then he has dinner which is usually ice cream.
my family says I’m not taking care of him and will go to prison. They don’t say it to me they say it to my father. I’m scared I can’t force him to eat.
plus if you made him meals he’d be ok with that the first week or two but then would start hiding food to throw away as your cooking has all of a sudden gone bad, I think it s the meds for his conditions and alcoholism. I don’t know what to do. I’m overwhelmed with my own issue to get job and support myself let alone treat him like an incompetent. I don’t know what to do.
My Dad has very few teeth and he can eat most soft foods with no problem. He mostly eats canned and frozen foods.
Why are you the one looking after him?
You can’t force him to eat, but I would offer a good variety of foods so he can have a healthy diet. With his dementia, I’d confirm whatever he is telling you about what your siblings say. Sometimes, people with dementia make accusations that are not true. They think it’s true, but it’s not. I’d independently confirm that anyone had questioned your meal plans.
I’d ask his doctor for a nutritional referral and also contact Meals On Wheels. Many counties provide nutritious meals to seniors 5 days per week at no charge. They bring it to the home. Not sure if covid has impacted that.
You can not force someone to eat, but you have a family making accusations that can get you in serious trouble. So requesting a needs assessment and getting the system involved will show law enforcement that you are doing everything that you can and that will nullify the accusations.
My dad was always a big guy and ate like a horse, but as he ages his appetite shrinks. And of course so does he. He has regular check ups and his weight loss is noted by all of his doctors and they ask him what is going on and he always says he doesn't eat much. So people can make accusations but there is no evidence that he is being neglected.
You need to protect yourself. When anyone makes an accusation of senior abuse, it is taken seriously and investigated, do everything that you can, document what you are doing and let them say what they need to.
Do any of them ever feed him or enjoy a meal with him? I would encourage them to do just that, it will either show them or he will eat and get nutrition and you will know that he needs company to eat.
You mention in your profile that you are concerned about money I am guessing that food is also a concern. Check with your local Area Agency on Ageing (or your local Senior Center) and they may be able to help with either food pantry source or a Food Stamp program so you can buy nutritious food for both you and your dad.
Is your dad a Veteran? If so a call to the local VA might also provides some help.
With the dementia you just might have to sit with him and make sure that he eats. Often people with dementia either think they have already eaten so they will not eat, or the other extreme is they think they have not eaten and will eat everything they can.
It sounds like you need a bit of help and guidance. And if family thinks that you are not doing enough let them step in and help out. (Unless there is something that you u have not mentioned in your post or profile)