My father had a stroke and I have been staying with him for 3 weeks. What should I do? - AgingCare.com

My father had a stroke and I have been staying with him for 3 weeks. What should I do?

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My brother and I have been working well together so far. This looks like it could be for at least 6 months or longer, depends on his progress or lack of. I have been staying here 24 hours a day with 1-2 days off. We did not want him to go to a nursing home they cost so much and he would pay. He receives a substantial amount of money every month. Is it wrong to think I should be paid some kind of living expenses? I am away from my 14 year old and my home. I think my brother thinks we should not expect money for helping our father. What should I do?

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Reply to SpiritDancer
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I would request a care agreement. If you do not get that, go home. Your family should be your highest priority.
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Reply to gladimhere
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What is your father’s age. This has a huge impact on the extent of recovery.
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Reply to SpiritDancer
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So you jumped in feet first when there was a crisis - very commendable - now that the immediate danger has passed it is time to make plans for the long term. Unless your father has been making dramatic progress the reality is that he will not likely be able to return to the way of life he had before, he will need continued support and you need to get back to your life and family. I think you are focusing on the wrong issue, even if you do get compensated for the care you are giving you won't have accomplished any of that.
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Reply to cwillie
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Sending prayers. Please keep us posted. (((hugs)))
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Reply to SpiritDancer
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You think your brother thinks...?

You haven't talked to him about this?

Do! There are practical realities which still apply, even when the person in need is one's beloved father. You should certainly discuss payment for any costs you've incurred through staying with your father such as travel, loss of earnings, additional support for your child while you're away. You can none of you afford to be squeamish about this - I know it's awkward, but care and time and services and living in general cost money. It's just the facts of life. Start the conversation so that everyone knows where everyone stands, it doesn't have to be an argument.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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I have a friend whose husband was in skilled nursing facilities for three months after his stroke at age 50. They changed rooms/facilities as his needs improved. Now he is at home but still a long road ahead. Strokes are very serious and life threatening as I have lost uncles and my father to strokes. The doctors told us age 65 and under they have a much better rate of recovery. So special of you and your brother to take care of him. It might be that his insurance would cover some of the expenses for his care and since you are able to do it the cost would be substantial lower than a live in facilities with 24/7 care. I would check with them and state or social security disability agencies. Good luck with your father, I hope he makes a full recovery soon.
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Reply to SpiritDancer
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Your dad needs rehab and if necessary, long term care. Stroke rehabilitation can take a long time and therapy should be several times a week.
Why would you not spend his money on him? He saved for this “rainy day” & what better way should it be spent if not on him?
He needs proper positioning and skin care, speech therapy, OT and PT as well as monitoring for aspiration and bowel and bladder management.
Speak to his PCP and get him into rehab. As someone said above, withholding care because you think it’s too expensive can be considered elder abuse especially if he saved money for his old age and has the financial resources. 
Spend his money on his needs, which are great right now. 
It’s nice that you all are working as a team but what therapy is he receiving now with you and your brother? Are you getting him out of bed, teaching him to live with paralysis or weakness on one side, etc?
He may need the mental stimulation of a rehab center so he doesn’t dwell on himself and his illness  or he may begin to  feel guilty for causing his family to put their lives on hold for him which can lead to his developing depression. 
Please reconsider and get him in a rehab center for everyone’s benefit, especially his. Plus your 14 y/o son needs care and supervision as well. Goodness knows what trouble he can get into without his mother being there for him. 
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Reply to Shane1124
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KC, how old is your Dad? Is he on Medicare (over 65)? If so, he would have been eligible to go to rehab in a skilled nursing facility with Medicare bearing the full cost. This would have been 20 days of Physical, occupational and speech therapy. Are you saying that he didn't get this because it was misunderstood that you would be paying for it??? After the first 20 days, had he shown progress, he would have been able to get up to 80 MORE days of rehab at 80% of the cost. (and secondary insurance typically pays a chunk of this.)
If we are misunderstanding, please clarify. The lack of knowledge about what people are eligible for mystifies me.  Get i touch with the case manager to see what help he can get.
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Reply to geewiz
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KCgirl4, I agree with Isthisrealyreal and Treeartist, your Dad needs to be living in rehab so he can get better and eventually be independent again. The more one delays on this, the longer rehab would be needed.

I am really surprised that the hospital didn't insist on Rehab, or was this Dad's decision to go back home?

It is great that you and your brother are working as a team. Eventually you would need to get back to your family, the same with your brother. Would your Dad be able to afford 3 shifts of caregivers? Mine you, this will be expensive. Much more expensive then living in assistant living or a nursing home.

Back when my Dad had a heart attack, my Mom refused to let the hospital transfer Dad to a Rehab center, she said she could do all the care and rehab he needed. Mom learned after two days she just couldn't do what was needed. Good heavens, both she and Dad were in their 90's. Mom finally allowed physical therapy to come to house. But it really took Dad a very long time to recover. If he was in Rehab, he would have been much healthier and stronger, and recovered sooo much quicker.

Just food for thought.
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Reply to freqflyer
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