My father married 5 years ago at age 78. They married in the church, but did not file the papers work through the state. My father changed his mind the day of the wedding giving her the house when he dies instead of me. I was disappointed but accepted my fathers wishes. Now fast forward 5 years and the relationship between them has deteriorated. She has had my father update the house (paint inside and out, new deck, new appliances, new landscaping etc.) to the tune of $100k now all she wants to do is move. She has taken my father to 4 smaller houses in the community to buy, but my dad says no he will not move. My dad knows she wants to use the proceeds from this house to put down on a smaller house she could afford when he is gone. Just before fathers day he changed the will to give me the house and all his monies upon his death. He did not tell her of the change because he didn't want her to leave him if she found out. Well she found the updated will in his office, and fathers day morning she slammed us both with the updated will and said she was leaving. She stated she couldn't trust him any more and felt betrayed. After about 10 minutes of them going back and forth I interrupted asking what about your vows that you took and if it meant anything to her. But lets back up a bit. The agreement prior to the will change was that she only would pay for food and my father would pay everything else (mortgage, utilities, insurance, upgrades etc.) So money she has coming in from her late husband and social security also money from the sale of her prior house was all hers to pad her bank account with. Now after 2 weeks of her packing up things and moving them to storage she has changed her mind suddenly. My father says she has accepted the will change however during the 2 weeks he seperated their lock box at the bank and got his own. She found the new key addressed to me in the mailbox and didn't want him to send it to me but wanted to keep it in the house for good keeping. I don't understand what's going on with this lady and the sudden change and the lock box key situation. What is she up to?
He can change the will on a dime all he wants but you also have the right to reject it. People kill me with this. Once he is in good graces with stepmom again, don't be surprised if he changes the will back again.
I had a a similar issue with my dad. My advice is never get involved with family financial entanglements. You will never be free from them and will spend precious years trying to extricate yourself from this nightmare.
All these people do is drag others in their messes and look for them to clean it up. You will be trying to untangle their messes long after they are resting in their graves unbothered. In all due honesty, you don't know what is driving these behaviors in both of these people in the first place.
Your stepmother sounds like she is seeing how much bang she can get out of a buck. This is why she is going after her first husband's social security. She wants the second husband to sell the house and buy a smaller one. If she doesn't get her way, don't expect her to stick around playing hospice wife.
I don't know the reason for their shenanigans, but in this case, you should head for the nearest exit and let them figure it out for themselves.
I have been married 2x. I have no idea what the Churches responsibility was but I received a pink copy of the legal papers that were signed by us, the minister and witnesses. That pink copy was filed with the County Registrar's office and a marriage certificate was mailed to us with the State embossed seal. Thats the one I used to get our passports. The pretty church one cannot be used for things like passports.
I had a boss who needed a passport. All she had was the pink slip they would not take. We teased her and said she was not legally married. She was able to take it to the Registrar and have it filed and received her legal marriage certificate.
I think Dad is legally married, just never filed the paperwork.
Did you know that when people marry and a spouse has student loans, medical debts, or credit card debt prior to the marriage their new husband or wife is resposible for those debts as well?
So in this case the wife can go out and run up credit cards, take out loans, and do anything else and the OP's father will be held responsible for them if his wife has no assets or money of her own.
You are right about assets acquired before the marriage. However, if the husband was to die and left a Will that doesn't mention his wife she can legally sue for half of his entire estate and will get it. She can also contest the Will by claiming that her husband had dementia and his single adult child conspired to cut her out. These people's best bet would be to come to some sort of amicable settlement with the wife. Otherwise she can tie things up indefinitely and the entire estate will go towards lawyer's fees and court costs.
You say "They married in the church, but did not file the papers work through the state."
What do you mean? Do you mean they have no marriage license and have not registered as a married couple? Because if that's the case there is no marriage legally here".
This is all a mess, but you seem to have the will as you wish it to be. Your father, however, seems open to manipulation of you and your stepmom, so that could change at any day.
If your Dad didn't his wife to be aware of a change he made to his will he shouldn't have left it sitting around for her to read. And if he made these changes without discussing with her then she's RIGHT --he DID betray her.
Not much to say about these second family bickers other than that is something we see here all the time. Your own unique problems with your Dad and stepmom and his estate are your own unique bickers. I sure wish you luck.
I think a compromise should have been reached about the house — half the proceeds for her and half for you.
I think your father is unnecessarily throwing his weight around and being manipulative. He should be grateful to have the two of you.
He was under no obligation to disclose his will. That is personal and does not have to be disclosed until after his death. It appears that he enjoys the power way too much so he can keep you and her under his thumb.
And if the papers were not recorded with the county registry, no they are not legally married. Usually the priest submits the paperwork so I don’t understand why your father would have them. Does your stepmother even know this?
I don’t blame this lady for feeling betrayed. Your father sounds like a winner.
I think she should run, not walk, out the door.
This "we decided we're married" stuff is like Meghan and Harry with their own personal ceremony in the garden before the big church wedding that she says was for "everyone else."
Yi yi yi.
I was married three times and never filed the 'paperwork'. They were married in a church. They're legal. The office of that church took care of that already. The officiant takes care of that.
Personally, I would sit down with her and ask her what is going on. My 1st impression is that she was terribly hurt that your dad went behind her back, I know that would break my heart if my husband did that to me, and she reacted instead of processing the reality.
Your dad needs to NOT put you in the middle of his marriage ever again. He is completely wrong with his actions. Only people up to something do what he did. He needs to communicate with his wife about feeling pressured by her actions and find out how they can compromise on where to live.
As far as revamping the current house, yep, they need all the things that she encouraged done on the regular, so that only increases his asset. I don't think she was up to anything, you do all those things before the house looks like crap and maintain or increase the value. It is what a house requires and it is expensive. She actually did both of you a favor, imo.
I would stay out of it and treat her with love and respect, she was burned by your dad and deserved to throw a fit, she obviously loves him and has decided that what he did is forgivable.
Peace to all of you.
I'll tell you exactly what's "going on" with this lady. She got wise to the scheming sneakiness of you and your father and that the two of you are trying to double-cross her. Which is exactly what you're both doing. Good for her.
Did you or your family have such an issue with this woman when she married your father five years ago? Or did it seem like a great idea because it would mean you'd still inherit the entirety of your father's estate at some point, but his wife would be responsible for all the caregiving? Your inheritance would certainly be enriched if no money had to be spent on caregiving services or care facility placement.
Count your blessings that your father isn't married to me because I'd get the best divorce lawyer in town and leave you both in the street and stick you with my legal bills too.
Well. Your dad is as much a piece of work as she is. He wants a nurse to take care of him in his old age, so they "marry" and she thinks she's getting the house and what's due her as his wife, which seems appropriate if she's eventually going to be his caregiver when he gets sick. She's looking at giving up her own life for XX years to take care of him.
Then he secretly wills you the house. He gets his own lock box where he can stash his own stuff. That's legal. I've always had my own; I'm an adult with my own financial and business affairs that have nothing to do with my beloved spouse. But she may be bewildered at the very least.
How does dad "know" that she wants to use the proceeds from the big house to put down on a smaller house after he kicks the bucket? This could be something that he has no evidence of, just speculating because he wants to believe the worst. Yet as caregiver for my husband, I totally understand why she would want to downsize. He's 83 and his health will go south, if it hasn't already. Keeping up a big house while taking care of an elderly husband is extremely difficult. Also, a smaller house is easier for both of them to get around if they start having mobility problems, and less needs to be spent on upkeep.
You say she has money from her former husband and her own money. She may not want dad's. As for the SD box key, she can't use it because they require signing in at the bank and check the signature every time (at every bank I know, anyway).
No trust here. No legal marriage, they have basically been shacking up for five years. Everyone is free to go back to their own sandbox and take their toys with them. You should stay out of it. It's their issue, but be prepared when dad wants you to be his caregiver. That's on the horizon.
See a lawyer, and while you are there, better get advice about getting POA from your dad.
I'm sorry this is happening. But not surprised.
If they were married in a church, the office of whatever church it was files the paperwork. The couple isn't responsible for that.
I was married three times (2nd husband twice). The officiants (a Justice of the Peace and a rabbi) at my weddings filed the paperwork.