The other day he gave her the car keys and said get out . She has dementia. She kept thinking he was my brother and called me and said my brother flipped out. We were terrified she just might try and drive. Fortunately the truck was a stick shift and she forgot how to drive it. She did try. What do I do. She went leave the house.
We cannot help you without information, so when you can calm enough to give us info, please do.
1. You say your father doesn't recognize this as dementia, and rather thinks she "crazy". However, whatever the case is, it SHOULD BE CLEAR to him she is unsafe on her own.
If this is not clear to your father then you have not ONE with dementia, but rather TWO with dementia.
2. We need to know, given the helplessness of these two to help themselves, what is already in place.
A) Who lives with them or are they alone.
B) Which of them is currently DIAGNOSED by a doctor as having dementia?
C) Is there currently a POA acting for them, in their behalf?
3. Without answers to the above I can only advise you to a call APS in your area and get them out to your home to assess the situation.
I would further advise you to get any and all family together to decide how to move forward to get control of this situation before someone is badly hurt or meets their demise.
I am so sorry, but you currently are in an emergency situation in which is is no longer safe for them to be alone. If one or both have to be transported to the ER then do so, where they can be assess in a mental neuro-psyc unit to assess this situation.
One of both of your parents may need placement. APS can help you get emergency guardianship if no one is POA and if no one is mentally acute enough to appoint one of you as POA.
If none of you siblings feel up to acting in behalf of your parents while they are unable to you may be looking at asking guardianship by the state. Do know that while APS can help this to happen, once it DOES happy your parents will not be in control, NOR CAN YOU BE. You would have nothing to say about their finances or placement if the state takes over in an unsafe situation.
So sorry this is all happening. Only wish you could tell us more.
Is he willing to work with you to find a Memory Care placement where she will be safe and cared-for, and he will have his own life restored?
If not, then please call APS and report that she is vulnerable and needs help for her safety. If necessary, and another episode occurs in which your father kicks your mother out, you can call 911 and report a domestic situation, because he is actively endangering her.
Maybe a break a few days a week with an Adult Day Program.
Typically they pick up in the morning and provide a breakfast a snack and a lunch as well as a variety of activities. This would give dad a break of 6 or 7 hours a few days a week. That sometimes is enough to give him a break.
Get caregivers to come in and help him.
If he has been taking care of mom for a long time it is easy to get burned out. And it is not just since she has been diagnosed. As most people that care for loved ones with dementia we are caring for them long before there is an official diagnosis.
Another option would be to look into placing mom in Memory Care.
Taking care of someone with dementia is a full time 24/7 job.
If he refuses to get help then your options are to report to APS that he is endangering her, not properly taking care of her. Or have a talk with mom's doctor and explain the situation. They may not be able to respond to you due to HIPAA restrictions but at least they know there is a concern.