My father and his wife are sending away for all the miracle pills and potions on the internet. "But they are guaranteed or your money back!"

Thank you all. They are both mentally competent, and at this moment living in another state quite independent of me. I only recently realized they are doing this. I did almost everything suggested above, except take away their ability to pay.

I want to keep them able to care for themselves for as long as possible. I have access to some of their money, which we are currently using to move them to a condo close to my house.

They might have hidden money that I don't know about it, but it probably isn't much. I know they have always hidden money from the IRS so that they can claim all kinds of benefits for people below the poverty line, but I believe they really are below the poverty line.

Problem is, I barely know my dad and his wife, since I didn't meet them until I went looking for him as an adult. I think I'm just going to let them spend until they are out of money and then, well, that was their choice. I'll try to help make these next few years better for them, but there's not much I can do apparently.

Thanks for all your suggestions.

Maybe they think that if they do run out of money, then you’ll swoop in and take care of them?

Do either have Dementia? Because there is no reasoning with a person suffering from Dementia. And there is no reasoning with stubborn.

Like said maybe showing them this is what comes in, this is what goes out is a good idea. I might tell them "you know to make money, you have to have it and you don't have it." Bad thing is once these scammers get you hooked they are calling all the time. My SILs Mom even had the scammers phone numbers and was calling them.

You really wonder how intelligent people who have managed owning a home, raising kids and paying bills fall for these scam later in life. I can see a widow whose husband handled the money may fall for these scams. But its not always that way. On Dr Phil the woman was married and falling for a guy she never met but sent her savings to him. It wasn't until Dr Phil proved to her that man had almost a dozen aliases. Another show the woman still didn't believe she was being scammed.

Another thought is the come to reality approach: calculate how long their money will last and then run out, and have a heart to heart talk with them about who's going to care for them when the money's gone, and they can't get Medicaid b/c of their unwise and wasteful spending. I wouldn't normally recommend anything that cruel, but showing them some articles of abuses in care facilities might help to be a wake-up call.

I still think though that older people spend money b/c they need a certain gratification of "helping" people, so substituting spending with real helping is part of the solution.

Find something productive for their time, something that provides rewards through helping others.

Are they able to get outside, walk, attend Senior Centers and participate in planning and carrying out activities? There are new start-ups and charitable activities that could use help, and there are others that have been in existence for years and could use help.

You can also look for articles on exposing the scammers. Within the last few years one of the most rewarding ones was when a Nigerian type scammer called someone, unaware the man was an FBI agent. He set up a trap and the scammer was caught.

Your parents may insist though that the scams in which they participate are "legitimate", to reassure themselves. I personally don't know how to deal with this except direct activities and funds to legitimate sources and try to help them develop gratification other than through spending money.

I think some of this arises from being confined at home, from feeling "out of the mainstream of life", yet the need to still participate.

There are a number of articles on scams here:

https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=scams

https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=parents+spending+money+on+scams

https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=Nigerian+scams

FBI action: https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=FBI+agent%2C+scammer

Perhaps your parents will become more alert after reading how prolific these scams are.

What you might try is to prepare a list of good organizations that need money: Salvation Army, and others, then have a sit down meeting with your parents to decide how to allocate their funds to these decent organizations. Help them choose, write the checks and take them for deposit. This also creates a base for your taking their mail, and disposing of any to scammers. So getting control of their incoming and outgoing mail is a helpful step.


And:

https://www.usa.gov/common-scams-frauds

But this next one will "warm your heart": it addresses the FBI agent who fought back, trapped the scammer with the FBI's help. Scammer was eventually sentenced to 6 years in prison.

https://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/former-fbi-director-william-webster-helps-foil-fraudster-030719

You simply have to take away their ability to pay. This is a very common situation with aging. As long as they have the power to purchase they will. There is no reasoning with them. Hard as it is you have to take away their forms of payment or you will continue to be driven nuts with this behavior.