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For the past month or so my father has been refusing to get out of his bed or participate in any of the activities they have there. I'm afraid he's just willing himself to die so he doesn't have to stay there anymore. I have spoke to the staff and they obviously can't make him get up and he's being an ass to me, which makes me want to beat some sense into him. He's always been very stubborn, and just like my mother, he has two sides of his personality - the one he shows the staff and the one he shows his family. The difference between those personalities is night and day. I know he doesn't want to be there, and he still doesn't understand why we can't take him home. We tell him what the real deal is, but either he just lets it roll off or isn't listening or caring. My bet is he hears what he wants to hear and to hell with the rest!


He's also seeing the speech therapist again because he's getting choked more often - they were giving him the mechanical diet but finally given the ok to eat other things, but with him choking more I don't know what's going to happen.


Everything is just crazy - I don't know what to do. I'd love to go up there every day and try to be his cheerleader, but that's impossible. I've tried to get him excited about some of the activities they have but since he knows it bothers me that he just lays there, that's what he's going to do in order for me to say ok, yea, you can come home. Obviously, that is not going to happen. We aren't even checking him out for a day - take him to lunch or see my cousin play right across the road because we know once we get him out of there he will absolutely refuse to go back in - I'm sure he will fight and the police will get involved and we might have to make this a commitment stay...hell I don't know....


Just needed to vent - if you have any advice I would love to hear it!

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Some elders don't enjoy old age. That's just a fact. Many would rather just make their final exit, but that isn't always a choice. So for them it is a bit of a waiting game, with various degrees of depression or of acceptance. I myself find old age nothing to get excited about, and being able to go to a demonstration on how to pot a little plant wouldn't do it for me. Sounds to me as though Dad is quite tired of it all. At your age that may be difficult to grasp,but should you live long and thrive I believe you will more understand it. Why not just let Dad do it HIS way?
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You can't fix old age or the burdens that go along with it, so stop trying. You aren't going to change your father into a happy go lucky person, either, especially when that's not the dynamic between you two. You're his shoulder to cry on, so if your shoulder isn't as available as it has been, he may just have to either adjust to his new environment or find another shoulder to cry on. I've cut down my interactions with my toxic mother for these very reasons, and I honestly think she does better when I'm NOT around. These types of people act out ONLY for family members, so keep the family members presence down to a minimum. It'll improve YOUR state of mind as well, watch and see
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I agree with DollyMe to consider cutting down in-person visits, but you could up phone calls. If he goes "Eeyore" on you then change the subject. You can't force him to be happy. The only person you can control is yourself. Give him more time and space. It took my MIL 3 years to achieve acceptance (not happiness) in her LTCF (a very nice place with great people). I purpose to not have any expectations, as those lead to anger/frustration. My worn-out expression is, "It is what it is." Venting is welcomed here.
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Reply to Geaton777
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His life has never been perfect, and it never will be, there are ups and downs, for everyone. You are not his entertainment committee, you will never change him. If he does better when you are not there, cut back on your visits, leave him there, there are things to do, friends to be made. If you would consider letting him be... a little more, he might take some initiative to improve his life.
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