My father (94) has Alzheimer’s and he has become physically abusive to my mother (91). We need to remove him from the home, but we're worried no place will take him. Any advice?

One basic of dementia is that they quite often turn on the person closest to them usually the spouse or a child who is care giving - with time it will pass but for now protecting your mom is top priority - these homes are used to this & know how to deal with the issue PLUS your mom who probably is the trigger [in his mind at least] won't be there -

Your mom should not visit him alone for a while but with another family member until he settles - be aware that he will blame her for everything he can so be prepared to deflect him with answers on : she's stealing his money/things , she''s having an affair with XX, it's her fault he is in home, it's her fault that he hits her, he wants a divorce, it's her fault his shoe lace undid etc by having some pre-arranged answers like it's the dr's orders, it's only until ZZZZ happens [even if you know it's not], mom was becoming ill so maybe when she has her strength back YYY will happen etc

I've seen it all first hand so get help for dad [& therefore mom] by removing him from the house/app't they live in & be aware that other issues will come up so think out worse case scenerio then deal with them easier when they come up because you are prepared

Worried, I'm so sorry. Please keep in touch here. We care!

Thinking of you and family, Worried.

Although I have been retired for a long time, I remember 2 situation similar to this that were treated with Haldol, 1/2--1 mg daily. Younger people require much larger doses, and some physicians over prescribe for older adults. At this very low dose there should be no adverse reactions. In both cases the family considered it a "miracle drug" that worked quickly and well.

My Father who is now 83, had a hospital stay for 2 months. He normally is up at night sleeps in day. Habit an worked nights. Soooo the hospitalist an nurses decided to drug him to sleep. Well it caused severe anger, hallucinations, agitation, mean, though my Mom an I were poisoning hime. Tried to escape hospital room in depends only. Banging walker on ground mad. They gave morphine, ativan, haldol, geodone (not all at same time) but each one he had a mdntal reaction where he acted like severe dementia. Also Zyprexa!! I finally told that Indian hospitalist that if she gives one more antipsychotic or sedative she would hear fr oyr lawyer! I am med p.o.a. an durable p.o.a. so we go to rehab finally an there the geriatric Dr saw he was still in Haldol an immediately stopped it. Dad started to act normal after 2-3 wks. All thise meds should not be given to elderly. An Hospice very famous for giving morphine an ativan combo. In my opion, those meds are causing the hallucinations you speak of. Also can cause one not to eat. But Im unclear on why your father is with hospice.

I'm sorry to see your last post about not making it through the rest of the day. My dad had severe hallucinations about 2 months before he passed, which put him in the hospital while they worked on his medication. As I mentioned in an earlier post, his hallucinations were about people trying to kill him. He was very combative and after release from the hospital, he went to nursing home that could take him (given his documented behavior). All I can say is that it was very tough watching him go through what must have been very real to him...that people had guns on him, were trying to kill me when I had to pick him up at day care, etc. In his final 10 days, his eyes were closed and I think there was some agitation but he was no longer verbal and just appeared to be sleeping. It is so very hard. When he passed, I felt a sense of peace for him. It is so difficult to see someone appear tortured and unable to control their circumstances. I wish you, your mom and family peace for the next part of this journey. Hugs and prayers.

Speak with his physician to get the right medication(s) as Ativan may not be the correct med.

Worried: I am so sorry. Sending prayers.

When my friend Beth, for whom I was DPOA, wouldn't let staff clean her up after soiling herself in her memory care apartment, the resident nurse told me to take her to a geri-psych ward in a hospital to find an anti-psychotic drug that would calm her down without doping her up. I had to try 3 different hospitals before I found one with an opening in their geri-pscyh ward. She was there 3 1/2 weeks before they had found the right drug, dosage and time of day to give it to her. After that, she was very amenable and could be worked with and was not dopey or drowsy or agitated. Her frontal temporal dementia was shutting her brain down, though, and she only lived another 4 months before she could no longer swallow. She had it for about 8 years and was near the end of its run when I got her into memory care. The care there was superb and I was so grateful I found a place that took care of things well and gave me advice along the way, as this was my first experience dealing with any type of dementia. I hope you have access to such a hospital to help you. Once that is taken care of, your father's anger may no longer be a problem in terms of placement. Good luck!

Prayer's for Mom & family.

Get the meds adjusted correctly, but in the meantime, someone take mom home with them so she is out of the line of fire. Her safety is of the utmost importance. Do it over her objections.

It's very hard. He won't get the care he really needs outside of the home. Can't you bring in a caregiver through medicaid. My mom is 92 with the same and she gets care givers

I have worked with clients like your dad.give my company a try I have caregivers ready to go .live in or hourly .to help with your dad so he can stay at home and mom be safe