My father (94) has Alzheimer’s and he has become physically abusive to my mother (91). We need to remove him from the home, but we're worried no place will take him. Any advice?

I have worked with clients like your dad.give my company a try I have caregivers ready to go .live in or hourly .to help with your dad so he can stay at home and mom be safe

It's very hard. He won't get the care he really needs outside of the home. Can't you bring in a caregiver through medicaid. My mom is 92 with the same and she gets care givers

Get the meds adjusted correctly, but in the meantime, someone take mom home with them so she is out of the line of fire. Her safety is of the utmost importance. Do it over her objections.

Prayer's for Mom & family.

When my friend Beth, for whom I was DPOA, wouldn't let staff clean her up after soiling herself in her memory care apartment, the resident nurse told me to take her to a geri-psych ward in a hospital to find an anti-psychotic drug that would calm her down without doping her up. I had to try 3 different hospitals before I found one with an opening in their geri-pscyh ward. She was there 3 1/2 weeks before they had found the right drug, dosage and time of day to give it to her. After that, she was very amenable and could be worked with and was not dopey or drowsy or agitated. Her frontal temporal dementia was shutting her brain down, though, and she only lived another 4 months before she could no longer swallow. She had it for about 8 years and was near the end of its run when I got her into memory care. The care there was superb and I was so grateful I found a place that took care of things well and gave me advice along the way, as this was my first experience dealing with any type of dementia. I hope you have access to such a hospital to help you. Once that is taken care of, your father's anger may no longer be a problem in terms of placement. Good luck!

Worried: I am so sorry. Sending prayers.

Speak with his physician to get the right medication(s) as Ativan may not be the correct med.

I'm sorry to see your last post about not making it through the rest of the day. My dad had severe hallucinations about 2 months before he passed, which put him in the hospital while they worked on his medication. As I mentioned in an earlier post, his hallucinations were about people trying to kill him. He was very combative and after release from the hospital, he went to nursing home that could take him (given his documented behavior). All I can say is that it was very tough watching him go through what must have been very real to him...that people had guns on him, were trying to kill me when I had to pick him up at day care, etc. In his final 10 days, his eyes were closed and I think there was some agitation but he was no longer verbal and just appeared to be sleeping. It is so very hard. When he passed, I felt a sense of peace for him. It is so difficult to see someone appear tortured and unable to control their circumstances. I wish you, your mom and family peace for the next part of this journey. Hugs and prayers.

My Father who is now 83, had a hospital stay for 2 months. He normally is up at night sleeps in day. Habit an worked nights. Soooo the hospitalist an nurses decided to drug him to sleep. Well it caused severe anger, hallucinations, agitation, mean, though my Mom an I were poisoning hime. Tried to escape hospital room in depends only. Banging walker on ground mad. They gave morphine, ativan, haldol, geodone (not all at same time) but each one he had a mdntal reaction where he acted like severe dementia. Also Zyprexa!! I finally told that Indian hospitalist that if she gives one more antipsychotic or sedative she would hear fr oyr lawyer! I am med p.o.a. an durable p.o.a. so we go to rehab finally an there the geriatric Dr saw he was still in Haldol an immediately stopped it. Dad started to act normal after 2-3 wks. All thise meds should not be given to elderly. An Hospice very famous for giving morphine an ativan combo. In my opion, those meds are causing the hallucinations you speak of. Also can cause one not to eat. But Im unclear on why your father is with hospice.

Although I have been retired for a long time, I remember 2 situation similar to this that were treated with Haldol, 1/2--1 mg daily. Younger people require much larger doses, and some physicians over prescribe for older adults. At this very low dose there should be no adverse reactions. In both cases the family considered it a "miracle drug" that worked quickly and well.

Thinking of you and family, Worried.

Worried, I'm so sorry. Please keep in touch here. We care!

One basic of dementia is that they quite often turn on the person closest to them usually the spouse or a child who is care giving - with time it will pass but for now protecting your mom is top priority - these homes are used to this & know how to deal with the issue PLUS your mom who probably is the trigger [in his mind at least] won't be there -

Your mom should not visit him alone for a while but with another family member until he settles - be aware that he will blame her for everything he can so be prepared to deflect him with answers on : she's stealing his money/things , she''s having an affair with XX, it's her fault he is in home, it's her fault that he hits her, he wants a divorce, it's her fault his shoe lace undid etc by having some pre-arranged answers like it's the dr's orders, it's only until ZZZZ happens [even if you know it's not], mom was becoming ill so maybe when she has her strength back YYY will happen etc

I've seen it all first hand so get help for dad [& therefore mom] by removing him from the house/app't they live in & be aware that other issues will come up so think out worse case scenerio then deal with them easier when they come up because you are prepared

No more agitation for either of my folks. We now use integrative and functional MDs and all this agitation and behavior issues needs is careful attention to some DIFFERENT labs and diet and meals and an introduction of various different supplements, bacteria strains to repopulate their body. Do you know your ears need a particular bacteria in order to function properly? Every part of your body has their own eco system of bacteria. Antibiotics destroy and cause imbalance and UTI's. Look up Dr Dale Bredesen MD protocol online.. It is best to have someone familiar with it to look at your parents lab and to order specific others. My folks all sleep through the night and there is no sundowning..without drugs or sleeping pills. Life is manageable. It is a work in progress as well and totally manageable.... so far. ;)  Other research is done by William Walsh, Steven Fowkes,,, Dr Perlmutter, the list is long.  

Try to share good memories today as he takes his final journey. I wish you peace and hugs.

May God help you all through this hard trial. May He give you grieving mercies.

yes, gladimhere, it is not unusual for an individual to have a paradoxical reaction to Ativan, where they are climbing the walls and ready to kill themselves. I'm only allergic to it -- an itchy, bumpy rash on my arms. Can't do Ativan.

Worriedfam - I wish for peace for your father and your family. I am so sorry it has been so hard.

Hospice has told us that my dad probably will not make it thru the day. This has been a living hell for him.

So sorry to hear of what you are going through, but it sounds like you have good support now with hospice on hand. Will keep you in thought...and sending you hugs...

He may need to be in a memory care place, where the attendants are trained to handle the very difficult ones. Hopefully, the cause of his excited behavior is the UTI and that the right meds will soon make the difference that would allow him to stay home.
In any case, you might check with the nursing home(s) available - perhaps one or more will have a memory unit; if not, they should be able to recommend a good next step.

I can only only express my support for you and your family at this time, I can only imagine how hard this is to watch and be right in the middle of. I agree that Hospice has to be your best bet, just be sure to communicate all concerns or thought s you have with them, you know both Dad and Mom better than they do and they know treatment options, together you will do the best job possible for both Mom and Dad. Don't hold back in giving them info and thoughts because even what might seem insignificant, your job is knowing and advocating for Dad (and Mom) theirs is to listen and use their medical expertise to help. I don't mean micro-manage or let that distract from being present for yourself, your Mom and Dad during this time but speak your piece while putting your trust in the experts, that's what they are there for after-all. Peace be with you and your family.

My dad was very agitated the last 2 weeks of his life. He did not know anyone around him. He was placed in a stand alone Hospice facility and that was truly a blessing for him and me. Do not be afraid to go that route if you have to.

My moms Neurologist prescribes Seroquel 25mg & now she’s taking 4 /day...one in morning, one in afternoon & 2 at night. He tells me use my judgment how much...you have to start on one & gradually increase...my mother if she doesn’t take this turns verbally & PHYSICALLY abusive to me, & Aide that I pay to take care of her ! It’s a nightmare without this pill...& any nursing home or Alf would put her in psychiatric ward if she wasn’t home. Your mother needs to hire aides to wash & dress him...when he gets calmer, perhaps you can think of placing him in a nice ALF but work on getting him calm first. This is one of the nightmares & evils of this horrific disease. It constantly has to Be closely managed to ward off the abuse. Good luck & let us know how you & parents are doing.

I went thru this almost 3 years ago. He did not remember me, locked me out of the house, and became angry. He had to be placed in a care facility and given medication that keeps him calm. He has ALZ, and does not recognize any family member but loves to walk around and has adjusted well. Seek help and advice for both of you.

you can go to walmart & get this ..melatonin it s sold in vitamin department a purple top they do have a section of that ..so give him 1 atleast when he ats up alos the next day give it to him a hour from when he does that it does work it has a fruit flavor to it ..it is about 5 mgs or so i used it on my mom it works ..

The advice to talk to the Hospice Team is your best bet.
The Doctor and the Nurse can get anxiety under control with medication. Once that has been taken care of either at home or he may be taken to an In Patient Facility until the medications have worked then you can decide if he has to be removed from the home or he can stay.
From your last comment it does sound like his time is short.
Please do not let these last few days of agitation be the thing you remember. Keep in mind what he was doing was not him but this terrible disease.
I do hope Hospice has helped you and your family. And I hope your Dad is finally able to rest easy. Keep telling him that you, and your Mom will be alright and let him know it is alright to go...

Worried fam, I hope things are calmer. I'm sorry the end game had to be so rough with your dad. Is he still with us? I know you all must be grieving the end. May you be surrounded by kindness in your time of need.

I completely understand. This happened in my family too. There was a point earlier in my dad's dementia that he attacked my mom. He was still physically able to walk and get around with a cane/walker. Luckily we had already gotten him in with a geriatric psychiatrist. My mom told the dr and they adjusted his medication. As his dementia progressed, he was not physically as able, but he had moments of verbal abuse as he thought she was cheating on him. In his final stages his hallucinations were just terrible as he thought people were trying to kill him (maybe WWII flash backs?). In any case, he needed additional medication tweaks (which were ultimately done in a hospital setting due to the extreme agitation at his adult day care). My heart goes out to you. I know you will protect your mom and make sure she's not home alone with him. Medication can certainly help. I think my dad had resperidone. At the end, they tried many things and he was calmer (this was before hospice care).

Worried Fam, (((((((((hugs)))))))))))