Landfill23, I am so sorry for the difficult situation you are in. Your mother’s behavior is very hurtful and although she is no doubt affected by her dementia now it sounds like she has never been the mother you deserved. 🙁
Can you take steps towards moving out? To an outsider at least it seems like it would be best for your mother to be cared for in a facility.
I am caring for my mother Diane, who is 79 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, arthritis, hearing loss, and incontinence.
I moved in with parents after my divorce, as my ex left me w/no money, job or house. My dad died in 2019, and because I live in-house, everyone expects me to take care of my mother. I am the oldest child and my younger brother and sister have their own families and live far away. The message I get from my whole family is "Atta girl! Thanks for what you do!" What I do is almost Everything!!! And that wouldn't be so bad, because I am a former healthcare worker, I have the education and experience to (and should be able to) detach myself from my mother's ongoing insults, complaining, criticisms, accusations, and now it's reached the point that she has actually come into my bedroom and bathroom, taken things and/or damaged things I own. There's no point in confronting her with these facts, because denial is the framework for her life.
My mother has never truly loved me. She's has serious mental health issues and is a recovering alcoholic. When I was a malleable little girl, things were ok, but once I became a teen, she started with the false accusations: I did this, or I did that. Now, she's calling me a b@#ch , that I get to do what I want to do, and that she doesn't, as in: food shopping, drs. appointments as I am disabled, basic chore trips. Somehow those chores are interpreted as a very fun time. I've asked her to go with me. No. She doesn't want to go. In essence, she resents me. She has said to me "F-you," and when I asked her why, her reason was because of the way I act, and I deserved it. Can't deal w/ much more of this.
Can you take steps towards moving out? To an outsider at least it seems like it would be best for your mother to be cared for in a facility.
I am caring for my mother Diane, who is 79 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, arthritis, hearing loss, and incontinence.
I moved in with parents after my divorce, as my ex left me w/no money, job or house. My dad died in 2019, and because I live in-house, everyone expects me to take care of my mother. I am the oldest child and my younger brother and sister have their own families and live far away. The message I get from my whole family is "Atta girl! Thanks for what you do!" What I do is almost Everything!!! And that wouldn't be so bad, because I am a former healthcare worker, I have the education and experience to (and should be able to) detach myself from my mother's ongoing insults, complaining, criticisms, accusations, and now it's reached the point that she has actually come into my bedroom and bathroom, taken things and/or damaged things I own. There's no point in confronting her with these facts, because denial is the framework for her life.
My mother has never truly loved me. She's has serious mental health issues and is a recovering alcoholic. When I was a malleable little girl, things were ok, but once I became a teen, she started with the false accusations: I did this, or I did that. Now, she's calling me a b@#ch , that I get to do what I want to do, and that she doesn't, as in: food shopping, drs. appointments as I am disabled, basic chore trips. Somehow those chores are interpreted as a very fun time. I've asked her to go with me. No. She doesn't want to go. In essence, she resents me. She has said to me "F-you," and when I asked her why, her reason was because of the way I act, and I deserved it. Can't deal w/ much more of this.
Clearly, you are living in misery. You moved in with your mom after your divorce. It’s not working out for either of you.
Oh, she needs care, but not by you. You are in need of a home, but not hers.
Start looking for a job and an apartment. Get a roommate if needed. Don’t stay with your mom anymore. It’s not worth it.
Don’t blame this on your siblings. Find a way out and live life on your own.
Best wishes to you.