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So recently my family in another state, but only a couple hours away, decided that my grandmother should go into a nursing home or live with a relative to take care of her. She is 71 and still does everything for herself, including driving her car. The family wanted to have a get together to decide where to put her because they think she needs to move out of her home and be cared for 24/7 because she has "Alzheimer's". However, she has never been diagnosed by a doctor, and the family here in her hometown do not believe she is at a point where she should drastically change her life. one family member out of state offered to take her in. We especially feel this is not the right choice for her since they have three kids and rent a place, they have moved 3 to 4 times in the last few years! Sure the grandson loves her, but how is that fair to sell off all of her belongings and move her into a small house with toddlers at her age. Also, she would know no one, since she was born and raised in lived in the same house her whole life here in our hometown. The two sons who live out state, came to town a couple years ago and stayed with her for a month. They did everything for her during that time. At the end of their trip, they took her to a notary to sign them as her POA and then left town and never showed back up. They did not give her a copy of the will and refused to do so when she asked recently for one. Luckily, my husband is an attorney and talked her into going to another attorney's office to void his will and POA status. Basically, how do we get them to stop harassing her over the phone about how she should not be living alone. She feels bad about herself since they call and their wives call her all day long telling her she needs to leave her home. They wanted to keep all the decisions about her care a secret from her at the beginning but her hometown family told her because it is her right,in my opinion, that she makes her own decisions while she still has her mind. The attorney that made out her new will, asked her a series of questions, ensuring that she has her mind. He is now the POA, not anyone in the family. We are tired of being harassed too, they also call us and tell us we shouldn't be letting her decide what she wants to do with her time and money. She doesn't have much left and we feel she can do what she wants. We don't need her money and she can spend however she wants. How do we get them to stop calling us!?

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Why do you think a 71 year old woman who manages her own home and still drives, 'Doesn't have much time left'?

My Mum is 84, very active, socially involved, community volunteer, drives, etc. Dad at 89 slowed down after a stroke 3 years ago, at 71, he was snow birding to New Zealand every year, maintaining a home on acreage.

If they are calling you, just hang up the phone or block their numbers. If they are calling Mum so many times a day have the lawyer call them and suggest a restraining order may be needed if they do not stop. It is harassment.
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Stop answering the phone? Tell them to call the POA ?
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Gdaughter1981 Dec 8, 2018
My grandmother won't stop answering the phone because it is her kids. But it is emotionally draining her afterwards!
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Maybe it would help if your grandmother made some plans about how she will go forward as her health declines. Maybe her family members are just very anxious people who will be calmed somewhat by a plan.

A couple of sessions with an elder care attorney to discuss how to pay for care and some information about what residential resources there are in her hometown for people who struggle with their memory might satisfy them that they aren't going to be dealing with an emergency in a few years.

I can't believe how many people get this diagnosis and then just ignore it until there is a crisis. Your choices in a crisis situation are so limited. Why not make some plans now for the future?

Dementia is a big umbrella. My husband's uncle has had dementia for over 10 years and can still do all his activities of daily living. His stepmother was diagnosed two years ago and is in the end stages. You don't know how things will go. I think staying in her home as long as she can is a good idea. But I"d get a Plan B in place if it were me.
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