I would suggest that from here on in, those of us who are "regulars" respond to these one sentence questions with a kind "hi, welcome" and a request for more details so that we can give better answers.
It's beginning to feel like there's a whole bunch of "one offs" that just get us arguing.
So what's your question? According to your profile, your 89 y/o mother lives in Independent Living. If she doesn't want you to travel, 'gee, that's unfortunate mother' is a great response to say to her, as you board your flight.
Do you want to travel? If so, go! Your mother shouldn't stop you from doing something you love. Even if you are her primary carer, you should go out and live your life. You can always find care for your mother but you can never go back and relive your life.
Tell her that this is the time in your life when you are free to travel and well enough to do so and that you will be doing so because you have a right to a nice life. Period. Full stop.
Probably, but who cares. What’s she gonna do, stage a fall or throw a fit to get her moved out of Indy living so that the daughter comes home from Paris.
These emotional leeches can be put on emotional time out. Turn ur phone off, if she freaks out let her, and it’s either you shape up or you get to go with the more difficult residents.
Hracey, even if you could get away, you would continue to worry how your Mother is doing. It's only human nature.
For a long while whenever my sig-other would travel, I was uncomfortable being by myself. Prior I was an independent woman but a serious illness and meds with side-effects made me feel afraid. I was always besides myself when he wasn't in town. Thankfully my primary doctor convinced me to try calming meds and that was a great help. Now I don't care how long he is away :P
You mentioned your Mom lived in Independent Living, thus she lives in senior living but in an IL apartment? Or did you meant to say that she lives in her home by herself, or that she lives with you? What are her medical needs, if any. Has she been uncomfortable in the past, or is this something new for her as she has gotten older? Is she a fall risk? Memory issues? More info would be helpful.
Really! Some of your posts sound so cruel. Not everyone has demanding, abusive, narcisstic parents. This woman is 89 years old. Even if on her own, for some reason she isn't comfortable with her daughter leaving her. The OP gave us no reason why her Mom doesn't want her to go. So there is assumption.
I don't expect my daughters to be at my beck and call. I so hope I am aware of my limitations and know when its time for an AL or even LTC. But I so hope my daughters don't treat me like my needs don't matter. Not that means they can't travel but at least make sure I am being cared for in their absence. Its not owing me, its respecting me as their mother.
Geez JoAnn. I’m sure that the daughters pushing an aide or respite al would go over swimmingly. They won’t even accept that when we’re paying for it, and why should we.
They call it independent living, not continuing to be a senior brat.
The known information here is that the mother is 89 years old and living in an independent senior community. If she were bad off physically or mentally she would be in an AL facility or a nursing home. Most people would think that the mother doesn't want her daughter to travel because she's afraid of her not being nearby, is jealous because she's not going, or both. I'd tell the OP to make sure her mother is set up with homecare and also to speak with whoever manages the senior community. They should be left the names and numbers of either family or friends who could be contacted should there be an actual emergency concerning the mother. Then the family or friend can contact the OP. Then go on the trip and don't phone home. There's no need to if the mother's care was arranged. Then Bon Voyage! Have a good time.
Does your mom have a friend or two who might visit often when you are away? Not long visits, but time for a cup of tea and a couple of cookies, and some conversation. That can help with her loneliness, and distract her a bit. Are you her medical decision maker? If you are, then who is the alternate person? That person and the director of the facility need to know how to contact each other. A bad fall needing a trip to ER while you are gone may require the decision maker to help explain what happening and what choices are, especially if mom is medicated. A little planning beforehand, and travel should be just fine. If all else fails, there are usually tickets available in a hurry. Mom can reimburse you for that first class seat to get you home in a hurry... Traveling while she can be left alone is great.
It's beginning to feel like there's a whole bunch of "one offs" that just get us arguing.
These emotional leeches can be put on emotional time out. Turn ur phone off, if she freaks out let her, and it’s either you shape up or you get to go with the more difficult residents.
For a long while whenever my sig-other would travel, I was uncomfortable being by myself. Prior I was an independent woman but a serious illness and meds with side-effects made me feel afraid. I was always besides myself when he wasn't in town. Thankfully my primary doctor convinced me to try calming meds and that was a great help. Now I don't care how long he is away :P
You mentioned your Mom lived in Independent Living, thus she lives in senior living but in an IL apartment? Or did you meant to say that she lives in her home by herself, or that she lives with you? What are her medical needs, if any. Has she been uncomfortable in the past, or is this something new for her as she has gotten older? Is she a fall risk? Memory issues? More info would be helpful.
Really! Some of your posts sound so cruel. Not everyone has demanding, abusive, narcisstic parents. This woman is 89 years old. Even if on her own, for some reason she isn't comfortable with her daughter leaving her. The OP gave us no reason why her Mom doesn't want her to go. So there is assumption.
I don't expect my daughters to be at my beck and call. I so hope I am aware of my limitations and know when its time for an AL or even LTC. But I so hope my daughters don't treat me like my needs don't matter. Not that means they can't travel but at least make sure I am being cared for in their absence. Its not owing me, its respecting me as their mother.
They call it independent living, not continuing to be a senior brat.
Most people would think that the mother doesn't want her daughter to travel because she's afraid of her not being nearby, is jealous because she's not going, or both.
I'd tell the OP to make sure her mother is set up with homecare and also to speak with whoever manages the senior community. They should be left the names and numbers of either family or friends who could be contacted should there be an actual emergency concerning the mother. Then the family or friend can contact the OP. Then go on the trip and don't phone home. There's no need to if the mother's care was arranged. Then Bon Voyage! Have a good time.
Are you her medical decision maker? If you are, then who is the alternate person?
That person and the director of the facility need to know how to contact each other.
A bad fall needing a trip to ER while you are gone may require the decision maker to help explain what happening and what choices are, especially if mom is medicated.
A little planning beforehand, and travel should be just fine.
If all else fails, there are usually tickets available in a hurry. Mom can reimburse you for that first class seat to get you home in a hurry...
Traveling while she can be left alone is great.
Lwt her whine and cry, not your problem
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