My brother passed away eight months ago. I didn’t share that with my elderly mom to spare her from devastation. Now she curses me every night because she thinks that I took him to the hospital and I am not bringing him back. She says that he called her and he is ready to be picked up but I am the one who refuses to bring him back. I explained to her numerous times that the ambulance took him. She goes back to her imagination. We are both frustrated. She has dementia and she keeps repeating herself. Any advice?

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zeenna2002, as for your Mom's outbursts, have your Mom's primary doctor do a test for an Urinary Tract Infection.... this type of infection in an older person can cause such outbursts. An UTI can be treated with antibiotics.

I agree with Eyerishlass above, do not tell your Mom that your brother had passed. As Mom will continue to ask on a regular basis where he is, and will start grieving all over again each time you tell her. There are "therapeutic lies" that we must use in a case like this. Eyerishlass had an excellent one.

As for your Mom repeating things, that is normal in Dementia. To learn more about dementia and how to help you manage the care, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on Alzheimer's Care... there are numerous articles related to both Alzheimer's and Dementia. At least this will give you a fighting chance on what works best with dealing with such a terrible disease.
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I respectfully disagree with telling your mom your brother died. Your mom's dementia prohibits her from having a normal reaction to this news. Her brain doesn't process information anymore like ours does. Judging from what you told us about your mom she is delusional, irrational, and illogical. That's the dementia. Telling her your brother died would be cruel because she is unable to psychologically handle the information in a healthy way.

It's my opinion that you should tell her that you did pick up your brother and that he will call after he is rested. Your mom may obsess over that phone call but that is much better for her than getting a hold of the information that he died and having to accommodate that information along with the dementia.

It's not about lying to your mom. It's about protecting her. The news of your brother's death will only harm her and she no longer has the coping skills to deal with something like that.
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I am sorry to hear that your brother died. I know that we want to protect our loved ones and spare them from any unnecessary grief. Even though your mother has dementia, it might be a good idea to tell her that her son (your brother) died. [She may have overheard someone mentioning the death of your brother or someone may have expressed their sympathy to her on the loss of her son, and in her own way, she may be trying to find out the truth.] Talk with her doctor and ask him/her what he/she thinks about telling your mother about your brother death.
Have your family pastor/priest/rabbi with you when you tell your mother. Use simple, short sentences that she can understand. You may have to show her the obituary and funeral service handouts. Do you have photos or a video of the funeral? (Our church streams church services as well as baptisms, weddings and funerals and makes DVDs also.) After you tell her of your brother's death, give her the opportunity to grieve.

Telling her might help your mother's frustration or she may curse you now because you didn't tell her that your brother died. She may now say that he called from heaven and wants to come back to earth.

People with dementia often say things repeatedly, it is part of the illness. My mother has various topics that she talks about repeatedly.

Again, I am sorry about the loss of your brother. I hope that you are taking time to grieve his death along with remembering the good times you had with him.
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Have you spoken to her doctor about meds for her agitation and anxiety? Since this occurs in the evening, I suspect that it's what is referred to as "sundowning". Google that term and see if the pattern fits your mom's behavior.

But DO talk to her doctor about it today.
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