Whatever I try to say to him, he is very mean. I told him about exposing himself and he got mad. He blames me for everything.

Find Care & Housing
If you need to take him out in public, can you get a coat (raincoat?) that’s knee length or mid-thigh length. He has to wear it before he gets the outing. If he succeeds in undoing the buttons, find a clip that you can put in it at the right length. Coming up to winter, it may be easier now to start the habit.

Get or make yourself a flash card that says something like ’please excuse my father’s dementia’. Use it if things go wrong. If he doesn't like the card, say he needs a doctor's test to prove it's wrong.

For your interest, 30 years ago many institutions for younger people with intellectual disability were closed here, and the residents put into ‘community living’ or sent home to parents. I worked with a group of amazingly tough mothers, and heard them discussing the joys of a group outing by rail up into our hills, where their young adult sons started a group display of the bits on the journey back. They were breaking up laughing at their trials of dealing with it. I was gob-smacked! If he's 'mean', you need to toughen up too. You are not alone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to MargaretMcKen

Try to get him to a neurologist and get him diagnosed. With a diagnosis the doctor can prescribe medication to try to control such sexually inappropriate behavior, which is often seen in people with dementia. If he exposes himself to children, the police will show up at his door and he will be prosecuted and may even have to register as a sex offender. Ideally, start the diagnosis process before he's in a world of legal trouble. Until you have a diagnosis, I would not take him out in public where he could expose himself. If he refuses to go see the doctor then you may have to step away and enlist the help of someone he trusts to take him to a doctor.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to NYDaughterInLaw

If he has not been diagnosed with dementia I am guessing all the other signs are there as well.
People with dementia often loose the filters that we use to live in society.
That includes exposing them selves, language, not respecting boundaries and that can include anything from walking into someone else's house to saying in appropriate things, swearing just to name a few.
If he does have dementia you can try covering him if he is sitting down. When walking out and about you can try getting a "union suit" for underwear or a "onsie" but both make getting to the bathroom a bit of a challenge. So if this is an option I would also add incontinent underwear so if there is an accident it is not a major problem.
If you are caring for him this will become a full time job so either plan on getting help in the form of caregivers that will come in or begin looking for Memory Care facility. (If he is a Veteran there is a good possibility that the VA can help and depending on where and when he served the help may be a little or a LOT
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Grandma1954

Your profile describing your father does not mention dementia, however this behavior could very likely be caused by it. Are you able to get him in to see a doctor and be given a cognitive exam? At least you will have better understanding that he is not "mean", he is no long able to interact in socially appropriate ways. At some point his exposing behavior may get him in trouble if he leaves the house or stands at the window or you need another caregiver to come in to help. I strongly recommend you have him seen by a doctor.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Geaton777

I would take him to his doctor for a thorough examination. There may be a medical reason behind his behavior.

I realize that it is frustrating for you. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this situation.

Best wishes to you and your dad.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter