I am my parents’ only child so my parents live together with me and my husband. Time went by and now I think and feel like l am a bad daughter because I am always upset about my Dad’s behavior. When my husband and I decided that it’s time to have our own place (we used to live with my husband’s family), we planned on renting a studio type apartment but my Mom wants to come and live with us as I help her in various things such as, taking her and my Dad to their doctor’s appointment, helping with my Dad’s medi-cal yearly renewal, grocery shopping, picking her up from and/or dropping her off to work, picking up their meds at the pharmacy, and drive them anywhere they needed to go, so with all that in mind, I decided that my Mom’s idea was perfect.
Eventually, my husband found a two-bedroom townhouse and all 3 of us (mom, me and husband) agreed to help each other with monthly expenses. At first, my Dad didn’t want to move in because he wants to stay at a friend’s house (a half-paralyzed elderly, who’s unable to talk well—he had a stroke). The only reason his here with us now is because he got kicked out after he pressured that friend for money, when he was actually receiving almost everything for free.
My dad is 79 years old, hard of hearing, never took a shower since he moved in, talks to himself loudly, and has an attitude problem. A week ago, I heard him bullying my Mom in their room, telling her that the reason their room stinks is because of her shoes, when in fact it was him who smells because he doesn’t like to change clothes/underwear, doesn’t like to take a shower, and for some reason my Mom found smeared po*p on his beddings. My mom has since developed allergy because of the bad smell in their room, so the other night, she had no choice but to slept on the couch—another reason for that is my Dad always make a lot of noises, like grinding his teeth, moaning, talking to himself, etc.
On the other hand, he also made some negative comments about my cooking so I stopped doing it for him and let him cook and prepare his own meal. He also took off his hearing aids yesterday because he doesn’t like to hear creaking noise, foot steps and voice (Made by me).
Now, here is the thing, he’s always been like this ever since I was a kid (including his poor hygiene and talking all by himself). He doesn’t get along with anyone even with his own siblings/relatives. I’ve heard a lot about his bad reputation and my parents’ married life is an additional proof to that (verbal, emotional, mental, financial abuse).
I lost all my respect towards him and I am so done with all his antiques. I am upset that every time I come home from work that our house stinks (when it used to be not), to see him everyday seating on the couch watching tv and do nothing productive, hear him complains and/or defaming other people.
I don’t want to feel this way but I have now zero tolerance and patience when it comes to him. I want him out of our life but my Mom thinks that I am being heartless and that I should just accept his behavior. I’ve reach the point where I actually talked to a social worker and had recently attempted to speak to an APS person for advice but didn’t continue because of my Mom and the guilt.
Should I just live through this feeling day by day, and let him do whatever he pleases because my mom said he is still my Dad no matter what? I felt like it is no longer healthy for me and for my Dad to be living in the same roof and that I should separate him with us. Am I a bad person, especially for wanting to cut ties with my Dad? Is there a better way to fix our situation especially now that his old? We tried talking to him, but when we did, he said that we blame him for everything.