Follow
Share

At the moment he is in a skilled nursing facility. He went there straight from rehab. He recently had his left leg amputated. And his right leg is malformed due to Polio as a child. (He does not have two legs essentially) And he weighs 250lbs. All of which is in his top half. - To the point. He went to rehab to learn to walk, stand and at the very least transfer from the bed to a chair, to the chair to a car and vice versa. During his time in rehab he did not progress at all. So I told him he needed skilled nursing or around the clock care at his home (paid by him) I got a HUGE guilt trip from him just by suggesting that. I called him out on the guilt trip and a few days went by. I had the exact same conversation with him (I have to work, he can't come to my house) He ignored what I said and told me he will go to his house on his own and "will manage, not much to it".


He is been in the skilled nursing facility for 7 days with 13 days to go. He is only now beginning to stand for a few seconds. Realistically, he will not be able to live on his own. I am trying to get this through to him. He keeps ignoring my words and downplaying the seriousness of his situation.


What do I do, when it is time for him to leave skilled nursing and he is far from having the capability of living on his own? I am trying to get some things in place now (and financially planning for it too) so we are not scrambling at the last minute to get him some where he can be cared for.


Do care facilities do an evaluation before discharge to determine if he can be released to live alone? Do I threaten to call adult protective services on him? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you in advance.

Find Care & Housing
I suggest you tell the Social Worker that you cannot and will not provide 24/7 care and Dad refuses to set it up in his home.

This just happened to a friend of mine. First, she suffers from diabetes, heart problems and Parkinsons. She overdosed on her oxy, so one hospital stay. Fell and broke her femur, hospital stay and rehab. Not sure what put her in rehab this last time but she needed Medicaid to pay her bills. My daughter feels that it was determined she needed 24/7 care and had no one to care for her and no money to hire someone. Because of this, it was considered an unsafe discharge and they told her she needed to stay in LTC and needed to hand over her SS and pension for her care. This meant losing her appt and dog. My GF had 2 sons not willing to take on the Caregiving.

So what I am trying to say is that if you can't do it and he is not willing to hire help, then releasing him would be an unsafe discharge. You may want to explain this to him and that if he does not cooperate that the State can assign a guardian who can use the money his has towards his care and when that is gone the guardian applies for Medicaid. And if this happens neither he or you will have any controll. The guardian will chose where he goes.

Be firm with the SW. Tell her you need to work so doing any kind of Caregiving is out of the question. The best thing is for him to stay were he is.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

I would tell him that he can do whatever he can do.

That means that you completely step out of the situation, go no contact. If he can live alone he can set everything up that you are currently working on. It is the only way to force the issue.

I did this with my dad and he actually stepped up and took control. He managed to buy a truck, find a place to live and move. Amazing how competent he became when he wanted something that I absolutely refused to do for him.

If your dad can not handle the things that you are doing, then he will not be released to an unsafe discharge situation. You propping him up actually makes it harder for the facility to intervene and say sorry, can't send you home alone, because the reality as it is now, he is not alone, he has you to prop him up and pretend that he is independent enough to live alone. Meanwhile you are running around trying to ensure his safety and wellbeing while he is totally convinced that he is doing all this alone. See what I mean?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

The facility will do an 'abilities' test before they release him, but sometimes those tests are pretty lacking and people can snow them into thinking they're MUCH better than they really are. Often results in a quick return visit to the ER and possibly a longer stay.

If your father has all his 'marbles' so to speak, you can't do anything.

Let him make his own decisions and let him fail or succeed.

This is not about YOU, at all, it's about your dad and the frustration of dealing with someone who isn't listening to you and won't accept your input. Sadly, we see this all the time and there's not a lot you can do.

Calling APS on him will result in him being furious with you and won't accomplish much. In the 3-4 cases I know of, where APS was called, not ONE resulted in a 'better' outcome. A warning, perhaps, the suggestion that there were now 'eyes on the situation' but in reality, nothing changed at all.

Maybe I'm mean and jaded, but after fighting with my mother and my MIL about finding better housing situations and having them both just furious with me--decided it wasn't worth it.

Step back--waaaaaay back. Continue to do the financials, if you want, but quit pushing your dad. He's not appreciative at all and you may wind up not even speaking to him.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Midkid58
Report
Isthisrealyreal Sep 1, 2020
Making his own decisions and doing all the work that is involved with those decisions. Too many seniors make the decision to run their children into the dirt propping up their bad choices.
(2)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter