I have dementia. My family won't allow me to live by myself. So my two daughters and my mother take turns caring for me. Currently, I am with my daughter Kristie, but she is going to work tonight at 10pm. She is a prison gaurd at our local state prison. She drops me off at my mother's, she is 81yrs old. She is very set is her ways we fight constantly.
Obviously you still have a lot going for you.
You are aware that you have dementia.
What you can do to help is make it VERY clear to your daughters what your wishes are.
Do you want them to continue to care for you? For how long?
Please do not tell them to "never" put you in a facility.
It may get to the point that they can not safely care for you.
If that happens it is not fair to them to have made a promise to you that they will not place you in a Memory Care facility.
Your daughter is like a "prison guard" because she wants you to remain safe.
If there an Adult Day program near you that you can go to so it gives you a break and gives her a break?
You and your mother fight because she is again probably treating you like a child and you are not a child. Again she wants to keep you safe.
Just keep doing the best that you can.
((hugs))
Grandma1954 7/23/23 2:24pm
I DID have a mother like that.
She died in 2019, and I don't regret one second of the time I cared for her.
(Ventingisback)
I agree, you are using a computer and found this site so Dementia can't be too far gone. But I agree, even in the early stages, you should not be alone 24/7. Was your dementia caused by an brain injury, a stroke? Are you limited in what you can do physically. What does your Neurologist say? I think children can be a little over protective just like a parent. Maybe you can get in home Medicaid and get an aide to be with u at night. Or, DD can go to daywork and then be there at night. I agree, that 81 is a little up there to be responsible for an ill child. Medicaid also may offset Adult Care.
I said this wrong. If you can get Medicaid help, maybe you can get help in the day, so DD can work daywork and be with u at night.
What does your doctor say?
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
It may be that your Mothe is not an appropriate person to watch over you (especially at 81). If she's "set in her ways" it is totally possible she is also in cognitive decline. Please speak to your daughters about an alternative (or additional) person who is more understanding. Everything about dementia is hard. May you receive great care and peace in your heart!
If the person posting has dementia and needs to print out how to take care of a dementia sufferer herself and pass out copies to her children and mother, she probably doesn't need a caregiver.
This person who is claiming to have dementia should not be online using a computer unsupervised.
The rules you've posted for dementia are for how to caregivers and LO's can understand and care for a person with dementia.
If the person with dementia can coherently explain these rules to their caregivers, they probably don't actually need caregivers. SMH... T.G.I.F.