My dad's sister put him in assisted living without telling me, his son, or his daughter. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My dad's sister put him in assisted living without telling me, his son, or his daughter. Any advice?

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My dad has dementia and did give her power of attorney while he was demented. I have a durable power of attorney from 2005 before he had dementia. Dad's sister has sold everything from his house, and taken all his money. Dad's sister wont tell me anything. Can I go take my dad out of assisted living and bring him home?? This is against all of my dad's wishes. I surely will be visiting an attorney to revoke this power and take control of his deposits, but I want him out of there now, while I get some money together.

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steve686, it sounds like your Dad was living on his own in his home, is that correct? If a person has dementia, there does come a time when they cannot live on their own any more. The person needs around the clock care. Maybe someone found your Dad wandering the streets, which can happen when a person has dementia, and his sister decided to take control.

Where you or your sister hands-on caregivers for Dad? Meaning either you or your sister were there helping Dad with his shower, prepare his meals, staying the night with him? Or did Dad hire caregivers to come in to help him?

Very important note, an Assisted Living or a nursing home will not take a new person unless that person meets the criteria needing to be in such a facility. And since Dad is, in fact, in senior care, apparently Dad needed higher skilled care.

Assisted Living can cost around $6k per month... a nursing home can cost around $10k per month. Yes, quite expensive. Dad's sister is apparently paying for this cost from his savings, and the sale of his household items. And if Dad is going to use Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] he has to use up almost all of his savings first before Medicaid can kick in.

As for seeing an Attorney, I would recommend an Elder Law Attorney who can explain the pathway of elder care and the cost. But first, do you have a physical paper trail on hand to hand over to the Attorney regarding what your Aunt has done?
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Reply to freqflyer
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Where is the best place for your father to be? The best for HIM, that is. People with dementia cannot live alone past the very earliest stage. If you take him out, Steve, where are you going to put him? Depending on symptoms and severity, Assisted Living is often the appropriate choice. Being in a care center is almost always against the person's wishes, but sometimes it is the best or only viable choice. Where are you taking Dad while you get your money together? What is your long-term plan for him?

To sign a valid POA document the person only needs to understand what the document means. "This allows Sister to make decisions when I cannot" is enough. Doesn't matter if he can't remember where he is or whether he's had lunch or sees chipmunks in his closet. He only has to understand what he is signing at the time he is signing it. So appointing Sister after his dementia diagnosis may be perfectly valid. Or not. A lawyer can help you sort that out.

The POA must use the person's resources for their care. Selling his possessions may have been an appropriate thing to do. Spending that money on herself would be clear violation of her duties and also against the law. Care centers are amazingly expensive. How is your dad's center being paid? That is the kind of expense the POA would be expected to pay out of Dad's resources.

I think the kind of lawyer you want to see is one specializing in Elder Law, in the state where your dad lives. Before you consult one, be clear in your own mind what you want to achieve.

1) Current POA to be revoked and default back to you?
2) Immediate access to all of Dad's resources?
3) Aunt to be prosecuted for mishandling Dad's funds?
4) An audit to be done on Dad's accounts to determine if some are not accounted for?

You can't unsell the possessions. What do you want to do about that sale?

As you decide what you really want to have happen, also think about how you would present evidence. For example, how do you know Aunt has misused his money? Has she been spending lavishly suddenly?

I'm sorry this is such a stressful situation for you. It will be interesting to hear what a lawyer recommends. Come back and let us know, please!
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Has she "taken all his money" or used his money to pay for AL?
How is AL being paid?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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