My Dad would like to move into a 1 bed and have a caretaker take care of him. What are the steps?

Joshua317, before Dad moves he needs to plan for every step needed. Since he is bedbound, he probably would need to have 3 shifts of caregivers. Otherwise, one caregiver would crash and burn rather quickly, and that caregiver would need some place to sleep if he/she is with Dad most of the time.

Here is one of most important thing, does Dad have the funds to pay for 2 or 3 shifts of caregivers? Why I asked is that my Dad had 3 shifts of caregivers and it cost him $20k per month, yes per month. These caregivers were from a caregiving agency.

If Dad hire through a non-agency, then Dad would need to contact his home insurance carrier and purchase "workman comp" insurance which is needed in case his caregiver gets hurt on the job.

As to finding an one bedroom apartment which would work for your Dad, the only places I know are Independent Living or Assisted Living facilities. Such places are $4k to $7k per month, depending on your Dad's needs. Chances are he wouldn't physically qualify for Independent Living, but would physically qualify for Assisted Living.

If Dad doesn't have the funds, then he can call his State Medicaid [different from Medicare] to see what the State can provide for him. Chances are a nursing home paid by Medicaid would be the answer if Dad qualifies for Medicaid. But is Dad really ready for a nursing home?

Now, I can understand why Dad wants to move out, he probably feels like he is a burden to the family. Instead of him moving out, why not hire a part-time caregiver to help your Dad during the day, to give your Mom a much needed break.

Josh contact your county department of social services. As a California resident and someone with a cousin that has had MS for almost 30 years, I can tell you that some of the information here isn’t really correct. California has a lot of assistance for people with MS. He may be able to get housing and care.

9 hours 7 days is minimum 63 hours per week. Care needs that high are seldom covered fully at home by IHSS. That high need level is better served in facility. Cost effective for state funding. It’s not always what we want if we are asking someone else to pay for it. But ask anyway, he may qualify for adult foster care which is in between.

Josh, you sound young. Are you and Mom aware of how MS effects every part of the body. The brain included? My cousin had MS and she did fairly well but its no picnic. A person with MS cannot handle stress. Some have respiratory problems. My cousin couldn't clean her house. She could fold clothes but not bend over to get them out of the dryer. She was fully dependent on her husband.

You need to realize that when people are sick they take their frustrations out on the ones they love. Can you imagine not being able to physically do for yourself and relying on others. Your Dad is probably depressed. If not being able to get along is something fairly new, then this has to be brought to the doctors attention. Maybe some physical therapy. MS does effect the brain.

www.nationalmssociety.org/Symptoms-Diagnosis/MS-Symptoms/Cognitive-Changes

You could call Medicaid and see if Dad could get some homecare. But remember, Mom is married to Dad and as such she vowed to care for him. There will come a time when she can't physically do this so LTC will be needed for Dad. Maybe this is it. With his income, Dad will not really have a choice. I doubt that an Assisted living would take him. They are not equipped for this kind of care. Dad has to understand, what he wants may not be possible.

Call the MS association and see if they have Seminars locally. I think you and Mom need to understand where Dad is coming from. They may even be able to help with resources.

The first thing I would do is get a medical professional to evaluate his abilities and needs and put together a care plan for you. Everything else could flow from that.

Start with his doctor. Ask for a referral to someone who can develop a care plan for you.

Also please understand that Medicaid will probably not pay for more that 20 hours per week, depending on your state, in caregivers for at home care. Can he manage with only that amount of help?

Josh, it sounds as though your father's ideas may not be workable financially. It may be a good strategy to write down the various options on paper, with the pros and cons of each option, including affordability. The options will include the facility choices he doesn't want, and might even include him staying at home with different behaviours - not something any of you want now, but the alternatives might be worse all round. Giving him the full complicated situation will be better than just putting up the objections verbally. Let him look at reality for each option. Best of luck!

Josh, as others have pointed out, your dad cannot afford his plan.

Has anything been done to address his mental health issues? Is he being followed by a psychiatrist? Most folks with M.S. have issues with mood that can be helped through medication.

You say you dad is bedbound. Does he have a wheelchair? Can he use that?

Perhaps the place to start is your local Area Agency on Aging. Tell them you are looking for a needs assessment.

Josh, try: https://www.nationalmssociety.org/

There is a whole section on Resources and Support, including a local search function.

Right, you have no right to place him anywhere. Seems he found something. With his income he maybe able to get homecare thru Medicaid. Nothing wrong in being there for him. You just can't live together.