Follow
Share

My dad and step mom live in assisted living. They moved in about 6 months ago because both of them have dementia. Every day my dad asks when we will go up to the house which is over 150 miles away in the boonies. He said he needed his computer and it was extremely important that he has it. My husband and I went and got it but told my dad the realtor shipped it to us. He hardly uses it. Now he wants to make sure repairs have been done to the house, or there is some super important paperwork that he has to have. In any case, it's a different reason every time one has been resolved. My sister is going up there this weekend with her husband to clean up the place but she (nor I) want to take him there for fear he won't want to leave. He is getting more and more aggressive about it and says he will hire someone to take him up there. What do I tell him? I'm running out of ideas.

Find Care & Housing
My mom (diagnosed with dementia & depression) also calls me to tell me that I need to mail her the key to her house because she needs to pick up a few things that she needs at assisted living (she's only been there for three weeks). One day it was nail clippers, the next day it was a jacket, etc. I made sure when I was setting her room up that she pretty much has everything she needs to survive. She also has money at AL to go have fun and shop for some other things that she may need so I told her that. Her AL facility is only 1.5 miles from her home and I just got off the phone w/ her and she said she's ready to walk to her house. Luckily, her AL facility is secure and she doesn't have the code to exit! Her friend did drive her past her house and she got out of the car and talked to a neighbor, that was troublesome for me. I have her house keys so she can't get in the home but I know if I or somebody else would let her back in, she would not leave! Adult Protective Services advised me to not let her back in the home because I'll never get her out. I'm going to adhere to that advice! I sway my mom "away" from her home telling her that she's safer in AL and I remind her that she doesn't have any chores such as cleaning, cooking, paying bills, laundry or worries on medication mix-up. This ordeal sure is tough, especially when my mom has lived in her home w/ precious memories for over 45 years. I am an only child and now I have to clean out the house, get rid of furniture and sell it. This is a super tough one to wrap my head around, such emotional distress! As if we haven't been through enough already!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to sunset38
Report

Justducky, I can relate to that somewhat and here my parents house was right down the street. My Dad claimed he needed paperwork to do income taxes, the paperwork was in the attic in the garage. Well, to get up into that hole in the high ceiling, I would have needed to set up a very long metal extension ladder [no pull down stairs].

Yeah right, I was a senior myself, the ladder probably weighed more than I did, and having a fear of heights, I kept saying no. Dad kept insisting. I kept insisting not. Told Dad for safety reasons he needed to hire a handyman to go up there.

After Dad moved to senior living, I hired a handyman to see what was up in that garage attic. No paperwork, just empty boxes in case Dad wanted to send back an item that needed repair. Really now, keeping a box for a Hamilton Beach can opener he and Mom bought 40 years ago?

This just proves that our parents still see us as the "kids" and that we can do anything. I had a hard time convincing my parents I was a senior, even tried waving my AARP membership card and Medicare card to no end.... [sigh]
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

You just tell him NO it is not possible to take him. If he wants to get there on his own that is his business. My father keeps asking to be taken out for a cup of coffee at his old coffee shop. That would be a 90 minute drive one way for us. No one can afford to take a day off so he can get a cup of coffee!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to lkdrymom
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter