Totally Normal - it will take some time to recover . Sorry for the Loss of your Dad . People speak with grief counselors or lean the stages Of grief or Join a support group . Give yourself a break and get some rest . Buy some flowers, get a massage - there will still be a Lot of work ahead of you . Take Naps . Light a candle for Dad . Nurture yourself . Plan a trip in the future.
I say here all the time that when someone becomes a caregiver they are no longer a wife, a brother, a sister, a son, a daugher, a husband. They are now a CAREGIVER. They are the one running around trying to be responsible for every little thing from nutrition to bladder function to appointments to documents. They are the "decider" (Geo. Bush's wonderful expression). They are the one setting rules and boundaries, and they become sort of a quasi parent to whomever they are caring for, but also a sort of medical assistent, aid, RN, whatever. The family relationship gets so confused and lost in it all.
As the realization comes that there is no upside coming, relief and release comes to be almost longed for, not only for the caregiver him or herself, but for the loved one who is facing down loss after loss after loss of function in a body, of mind, finally of all memory and all "self". It becomes a tragedy from which only death spell relief and release.
I will tell you that I think at the end of all that, whether the caregiving goes on for 6 months or a year or two or ten, the caregiver is ready for the end. But finds him or herself shocked finally in that "I just lost my MOTHER" "I just lost my DAD". And the jaw kind of hits the floor with wonder at all that has happened.
It take a while. It takes time. Everything needs time for the sharp edges to be filed down by the sands of time.
And when you have had to try to think of EVERY LITTLE THING that can be dangerous, that can be missed, that can go wrong. And suddenly there is NOTHING to think about at ALL? Where do you go from there. You almost cannot grasp it.
I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself all the time you need and go slow and remember it is FINE to feel relief that you don't have to stand witness and worry for every single loss coming that could not be imagined. It is FINE to be confused. It is fine not to know what the heck to feel for a while. There is no way to put this all away neatly in some file full of beautifully marked manila envelopes.
Give yourself a lot of time and space and slack, and remember to celebrate what was a whole entire life, not just the ending of a life.
I’m sorry for your loss. I often read about losing a parent. I can barely imagine the grief. I hope your devotion to his care brings you some comfort. Was it sudden or were you able to prepare?
I was on edge for the two years he was sick - never knowing when it would happen. He finally just stopped breathing the other day - a normal day like any other.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is exhausting, and you are now without the thing that was a main purpose for your days. It’s totally understandable you feel that way right now. I hope you are taking care of yourself and seeing a grief counselor if that’s something you might find helpful.
After I've been through a trauma, my body is exhausted, like all of my adrenaline is just gone. Probably why your so tired , and your in shock right now.
As the realization comes that there is no upside coming, relief and release comes to be almost longed for, not only for the caregiver him or herself, but for the loved one who is facing down loss after loss after loss of function in a body, of mind, finally of all memory and all "self". It becomes a tragedy from which only death spell relief and release.
I will tell you that I think at the end of all that, whether the caregiving goes on for 6 months or a year or two or ten, the caregiver is ready for the end. But finds him or herself shocked finally in that "I just lost my MOTHER" "I just lost my DAD". And the jaw kind of hits the floor with wonder at all that has happened.
It take a while. It takes time. Everything needs time for the sharp edges to be filed down by the sands of time.
And when you have had to try to think of EVERY LITTLE THING that can be dangerous, that can be missed, that can go wrong. And suddenly there is NOTHING to think about at ALL? Where do you go from there. You almost cannot grasp it.
I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself all the time you need and go slow and remember it is FINE to feel relief that you don't have to stand witness and worry for every single loss coming that could not be imagined. It is FINE to be confused. It is fine not to know what the heck to feel for a while. There is no way to put this all away neatly in some file full of beautifully marked manila envelopes.
Give yourself a lot of time and space and slack, and remember to celebrate what was a whole entire life, not just the ending of a life.
After I've been through a trauma, my body is exhausted, like all of my adrenaline is just gone. Probably why your so tired , and your in shock right now.
May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and peace in this new season of life.